


Ghosts of My Past [DBD Fiction featuring Ghost Face]

by ImaginaryBunny



Series: Dead by Daylight - Ghost Stories [2]
Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Character Development, Child Abandonment, Complicated Relationships, DBD, Dead by Daylight - Freeform, Drama & Romance, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fanfiction, Ghost Face dead by daylight - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Dead by Daylight (Video Game), Investigations, Journalism, Killing, Love/Hate, Multi, Obsession, POV Male Character, Physical Abuse, Psychological Drama, Rape/Non-con Elements, Serial Killers, Slow Burn, Stalking, killer instinct - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaginaryBunny/pseuds/ImaginaryBunny
Summary: Venturing deeper into Danny Johnson's mind, we will witness his life deceptions which ultimately created the legendary Ghost Face, the infamous Roseville serial killer. As a journalist, what could be more thrilling than bringing to life his own crimes ?The whole story will unfold in the last few minutes of Part I - Killer Instinct. Before he acts upon his feelings (no spoilers), he will remember a lot about his past. Each passing minute basically being a new memory of his (a chapter).*Reading 1st Part is NOT absolutely necessary
Relationships: Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face/Kate Denson, Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Dead by Daylight - Ghost Stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718158
Comments: 28
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beware, this is a slow burn story, which includes lots of tension, confusion, character development, lots of gore and blood, implied/referenced child abuse, alcohol abuse and non-consensual acts (including but not limited to rape). Viewer discretion is advised.
> 
> You can read this story first and then Killer Instinct, they complete each other no matter the reading order.
> 
> DISCLAIMER
> 
> I do not own Dead by Daylight nor some of the characters used in this story. This is purely a fanfiction based on the universe of DBD.
> 
> Cheers guys and have fun reading this 😄

Before all this chaos, _**before this very moment**_ where she sat among killers, she herself sharing that same revered rank, before she'd end up in a presumed cold-blooded embrace, with her crimson, vital and sticky fluid coating what will be left of the blade, slowly reaching for its hilt, before feeling this slight remorse creeping into my soulless husk, I was a different man. Or perhaps that’s what I thought, perhaps I always lied to myself and refused to see my real nature. After all… a bomb doesn’t become a bomb when the fuse has been lit.

I’m not going to lie, this new place intrigues me. I might be the only one who’s happy to be here. I’ve seen many of my peers being tortured by that… thing, forced and persuaded in the most unimaginable ways to do its bidding. Some of them have lost their earthly looks during the process. I suppose they were quite resilient to the pain and possessed a strong will, possibly they still held dearly to their humanity or they were too proud to give in. Or perhaps they were too stupid in the first place to fight such a demonic leviathan. 

I suppose I value my appearance too much to allow my ego to fight this Entity’s desires. Besides, this whole game seems more than appealing and entertaining. Hunting for eternity with zero consequences ? Isn’t that a world we all would want to live in ? 

And yet, it doesn’t quite cut it for me. It seems the real world is still scarier than what I’ve been witnessing here. Ha, think about that for a second… if these atrocious beings roaming around here, hunting for helpless victims, that wicked behemoth and the merciless night time which never seemed to end still don’t top the real world, I’d say that speaks a lot about humanity.

For example...

Being on the run is definitely not for everyone, especially for those faint of heart or mentally unstable. But it certainly gives you a new sense of excitement. Twisted yes, but still excitement.

The blood freezing in your veins, turning your head away at every police car or blaring alarm, constantly feeling watched, second guessing every decision you’re making… Ahh, such a thrilling feeling. Sure, it will never top the feeling of seizing life within your grasps, seeing it struggling for survival, watching the terror in their eyes as they lie to themselves they still have a fighting chance, that sparkle in their glances slowly vanishing, leaving behind this… mere defeated horrified gaze. Gaining that power over other human beings is priceless, primal and so raw. A good fight though is a must, otherwise it’s borderline boring.

Who’d pay for a horror movie where the villain offs every character as if he is against the clock just to move on with his life ? No, no… We all want drama, we want hope, we want our hearts to beat in union with theirs, feel each creeping terror within their minds as if we’re with them. We want to root for them, to empathize with them… well… you want to. 

My point is - people thrive and rely on drama and a sense of justice, and what I provide in such breathtaking circumstances is a rather realistic response to their fantasy - they don’t really want drama in real life and they almost programmatically vanquish their sense of justice while facing the gruesome reality. You know what I call these people ? All at the right time, I hate gratuitousness… even for death.

I’ve been called many things: a liar, a monster, cruel, merciless, charming, lover, careful and it never bothered me, unless it put me in some bad light. I wouldn’t mind being called a monster as long as people look at me in awe. So call me whatever you want, but that won’t change who I am - someone stronger and better than you. I remember this one man disrespecting me, and I’m not talking about Ghost Face, I’m talking about Jed. 

He couldn’t see why the journalist was so intrigued and obsessed with Ghost Face, he kept slandering the poor man. Well, if he couldn’t see the masterpiece in those articles, I had to prove the world he was indeed blind to perfection, so I gouged his eyes out. Hmm, I really thought he’d survive… I was slightly bummed about it. Oh, those were the days…

Now, in this outlandish place… I’m not saying I didn’t have my fair share of entertainment and excitement. Especially with this one survivor. 

Ocean eyes, curly, amber hair, cascading on her naked shoulders... Kate. Every time she joined a new trial, she seemed more coordinated and aware of what her goal was. She was actually good at dodging and evading me and it pains me to admit it, but damn it if I didn’t enjoy it… as long as I still won that is.

There was something about her that I liked. Oh, you hopeless romantic, it wasn’t her pretty face or heavenly chiseled body, it was something much deeper. Something **_you_ **wouldn’t understand. Something that instigated me to more nefarious deeds and thoughts. I wish I could name that feeling, but all I can associate it with was a sense of desecration when I thought of her. Perhaps the fact she slipped through my fingers with this defiant look on her ever so cheerful face, chipping bit by bit at my ego. Unfortunately for her, she awakened something within me-

We shared many… special moments, good and bad, if you catch my drift, but you’d never understand the level of elation I got outside this prison. As free as we are to hunt these survivors, I still feel those perverted shackles the Entity tied around my hands and mind, subtly controlling me. I never enjoyed that aspect of this realm. I suppose that’s the reason I’ve been amidst the few killers to disobey and defy this deity. Outside this cage, back in our world, I was free as a bird. Since I’m sure you can’t fathom the differences between these worlds in terms of freedom, excitement and pleasure, I’m willing to help you understand.

Last time the Fog gifted me with some of my forgotten memories, I recalled my first encounter with my future ex-wife. I suppose you really thought that our first date was indeed that day when she came to my office, but it wasn’t. I’m a professional and the second I understood she had just thrown more work on my shoulders, I had to put my journalist hat on and do my research. I still see her displeased figure when she realized the whole thing didn’t go according to her plan.

She was beautiful though… very beautiful, but sad most of the time. That was precisely the reason I wanted to capture that particular shot at the pontoon. I am very susceptible to pain and vulnerability and I could easily see it in her. She was hurting badly at that time. So bad, she had admitted she had thought on several occasions about ending her life, but to quote her - _‘never had the guts to go through with it’_.

I’m not much of a sweet tooth myself, but that ice cream she had dragged me to taste was indeed something else. It had this creamy, dense and buttery consistency, which you’d instantly fall for the second it would touch your lips. The cocoa taste permeated on your tongue with that same silky feeling coating your tongue. I saw her playing a lot with her spoon, just like a child.

She was lost in thoughts and honestly I didn’t want to interrupt her. I like to watch people, analyze them and she wasn’t much of a closed book. 

_‘You don’t like it, do you?’_ she muttered with this forced smile.

_‘No, it’s actually good’_ I told her, realizing she misinterpreted my silence and motionless body.

She filled another spoon and brought it to her lips. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by staring, so I pretended to check outside.

_‘I notice there’s no ring on your hand, Mr. Johnson_ ’ her face suddenly transformed as if she was a different person.

You could easily tell she was an actress. The transitions between her emotions and facial expressions were flawless and effortless. Pity she couldn’t find a more gullible audience, but she never stopped trying it with me. Perhaps it was embedded in her personality, she didn’t even realize it anymore.

_‘I know, shocking, right ?_ ’ I threw a quick squint at my left hand and smirked.

_‘Honestly, it is’_ she returned this cheeky smile.

_‘Oh, trust me, I believe you’_

I could see how smitten she was. She had this slight dumb smile on her face all the time, probably the sincerest one I’ve seen on her face, her cheeks were rosy although she didn’t wear any blush and her eyes couldn’t stay focused on my face for a second. 

_‘Are you this confident all the time?’_

_‘Do you like it ?’_ I asked her for a different purpose, other than what she might’ve believed at that moment.

Her head moved to the left and grabbing her scruff, she gently rubbed it as she stared abashed over the window.

_‘Some people find it annoying’_

_‘Do you?’_ I pressed on as I swirled my spoon in the small cup of ice cream.

_‘I find cockiness a bit rousing’_ she finally dared to look me in the eye.

I could see the tension in her shoulders building up as she constantly tried to use her hands to release some of it. Another reason for her to avoid eye contact. She was adorable.

_‘Is it because you don’t have it ?’_

_‘Heey’_ her voice scratched my ear drums _‘I asked you on a date. I’d say I’m pretty ballsy’_

_‘I’m sorry to disappoint you Ms. Becker, but this isn’t a date’_

Her hands fell down on the table limply. There was this internal fight she tried to conceal where her ego must’ve compelled her to hide her real disappointment, but also try not to lose face. She was a good actress. Was I a sadistic asshole for enjoying that ? For seeing her struggling with the uncomfortable situations I created for her ?

_‘Then what is this ?’_ she acted composed and asked in a playful way.

_‘Work, you threw a couple of days of work at me’_

_‘That’s not why I came to your office’_ her courage seemed to have caught up with the situation.

I’m not going to lie, I loved that back and forth dialogue.

_‘Why did you then?’_

_‘To know you better’_

_‘Well, Ms. Becker, unfortunately it’s going to be the other way around now’_ I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

She wasn’t happy. Her brows pinched and started stirring the melted ice cream in her cup rather violently. The spoon hit the porcelain walls with an annoying sound that I had to grab her hand to put a stop to it. I know I shouldn’t have touched her at that moment, and not because I would’ve put her in an uncomfortable position or exposed her in the press in circumstances she tried to avoid. No. I regretted that very action years later when I realized I wouldn’t be here if I wouldn’t have grabbed her soft, warm hand that day.

We both retracted our hands as if we were burned or electrocuted, realizing the inadequacy of the act itself. Despite her failed attempts of protesting and displeased attitude, we continued that meeting as formally as possible. I took notes of her future projects, wrote a little bit about her personal life, as much as she wanted to say to the general public of course, which were mostly lies. I wasn’t going to argue with her or point out the inaccuracy in her words though. That wasn't my type of work in the first place, so I just wrote the article as it came to me and delivered it to my chief editor, who was obviously in the 7th heaven.

Quite anti-climatic, wasn’t it ? But I told you, I’m a professional and that wasn’t a date. 

Our first date came weeks after that meeting. I suppose it’s needless to say how furious she was and mad at me the next time we met. Being adored by everyone, stealing everyone’s attention with her smiles and pretended cheerful attitude and constantly being in the center of attention were suddenly reduced to worthless acts around me. She was just another woman to me and although she confessed countless times that was the exact reason she loved being with me, she was never so full of shit. I should’ve known by then, but I guess I got too close to that black hole to pull away.

The trees were in bloom and the gentle wind carried that faint pleasant scent of the small pink or white flowers. I was enjoying a warm cup of coffee just outside this coffee shop near my neighborhood. They had this small terrace just outside the shop with a great view over a park. Not too hot, not too chilly outside, although the umbrella helped after a while under the sun. I was reading the newspaper, starting of course with my own article. I read it several times, not sure if it was my compulsion of making sure it was error free, or simply to boost my ego. Nonetheless, it was perfect.

I was so self absorbed, I didn't realize someone stopped before me. Only when her hand caught the top of the newspaper and lowered it down did I raise my head. I quickly scanned her top to bottom and returned her smile. She wore a short, white summer dress with a floral pattern and a pair of beige sandals.

_‘Mr. Johnson, you’re be the last person I’d expect here on a Sunday’_

_‘Likewise’_

_‘Do you mind if I join you?’_

I looked at the free chair at my table as if I wanted to check its availability and gestured to her to take a seat. I wrapped the newspaper and set it on the table. The waitress approached our table to take her order and ask me if I was set or needed something else. Once the waitress got back in the coffee shop, she leaned against the backrest of the chair and crossed her legs. Remember I mentioned her dress was short ? Well, it was so short that when she did that my imagination had no use to me anymore. I did notice though she tried to pull her dress lower and shift her position on her chair once she saw me looking at her thighs. I have no idea who she tried to fool with that demeanor or if that ever had an effect on other men, but to me it was absolutely amusing.

_‘In case you didn’t get the hint, I’m very mad at you’_ she started out of nowhere.

_‘Why so, Ms. Becker ? Was it something I wrote ?’_ I fooled around.

_‘You know why. You’re far from stupid’_ her voice betrayed her genuine resentment.

_‘Thank you for the compliment, but I’m far from discovering my telepathic skills’_

_‘Oh, Mr. Johnson, you’re not fooling me’_ she leaned over the table and pushed her chest forward freely offering me a pleasant view ‘ _I know you’re playing with me. I know you love to toy around, to hunt down your sources as if they’re prey to you and I know you have a keen eye for details, which means you know everything I try to do’_

_‘Do you really ?’_ I blinked once and looked in her eyes.

_‘Tell me, do you like me ?’_

She was good. I might’ve underestimated her.

_‘I find you to be an interesting character’_

_‘Don’t sugar coat it’_ she shook her head vigorously _‘I’m tired of phony people’_

_‘I do’_ I stepped over my ego and said it.

Hmm, I still feel that sharp pain in my chest as I admitted it.

_‘So, why do you torment me like this ? Did I do something to you ?’_ she continued as if she had rehearsed that for weeks.

At that point I kind of hated her. I kind of wanted to leave. But there was something about her I couldn’t shake off. I scoffed annoyed and drawing closer to her, I earned back my edge.

_‘Ms. Becker, why do you care so much if I like you ?’_

Her chest swelled and deflated quickly. Her nostrils flared. My lips stretched slowly into this naughty smirk.

_‘Does it bother you I’m not giving you the same attention you’re so accustomed with ?’_

_‘That’s not-’_ her voice faded to a mere whisper until it stopped

_‘I do like you, but not for what you are out there. I like what’s really in here’_ I touched her forehead and she closed her eyes.

The waitress brought her glass of fresh pineapple juice and she started to gulp at it without a pause to catch her breath. She set the glass back on the table and stared silently at the park.

_‘Are you alright ?’_

_‘I will be’_ she caught her long hair and shook it a few times to let her neck and back cool a little bit _‘I’m just not familiar with not getting everything I want when I want. I guess that’s why I like you’_

_‘So, why don’t you start all over again’_

I heard her chuckling in this low, soft tone, as if she was ashamed. And then she looked in my eyes for the first time without shying away. The actual first time she saw me.

_‘Oh my God’_ she bursted into a louder laughter due to our prolonged eye contact.

_‘What?’_

_‘You have such beautiful eyes’_ she covered her face and kept laughing, almost hysterical.

In all honesty, I still have no idea if she acted back then or she was really overwhelmed by that intimacy. Her face was all red when she found a smidgen of courage to face me again. She had to take another sip of her juice to calm down and talk to me again.

_‘I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable’_

_‘You didn’t’_

_‘Do you wear eye contacts ?’_ she asked, still hung up on that.

_‘No’_

_‘They are inhumanly green, I’ve never seen such an intense color in one’s eyes’_

I clicked my tongue after one quick sip of my coffee.

_‘Yes, I’m very special’_

We chit chatted for a while, mostly talking about my work and hers, but I wouldn’t want to bother you with useless information. The actual date took place that same day, only late at night and she agreed to drop by my place. 

I know what you’re thinking, but believe me I tried to be the gentleman and it was never my intention to take her there, but she kept refusing all proposed restaurants or pubs, so I ran out of options. Of course, when I mentioned my apartment, she accepted almost in an instant. You’ll understand why. 

Around 9 pm she arrived at my apartment building and I buzzed her in. She used the door bell instead of knocking, which I find it weird for people you kind of already expect to stop by your place. Upon opening the door, I was taken aback again by her beauty. You know how you look at someone and think _‘It can’t get better than this’_ , well… that’s not true. She always found ways to shock you at every meeting.

She wore a sequin emerald dress with a low cut back, long sleeves and high collar. As she stepped inside, I checked her out again to make sure I wasn’t imagining it. There was no bra strap on her back, not even the silicone one. When she turned around to compliment my apartment, I got my confirmation she was indeed braless. I closed the door and saw her walking around the living room analyzing everything.

_‘It smells so good in here’_

_‘Glad you think so. I hope it tastes just as good’_

_‘You know, I didn’t even notice you dressed up so nicely. I guess it’s because I always saw you wearing a shirt and a tie’_

_‘You should see me when-’_ I looked in the mirror hung in the hallway trying to arrange my hair _‘Oh, nevermind, I look great’_

She giggled and walked by the table in the living room, slowly running her fingers across the varnished wood, across the cutlery and plates.

_‘Did you arrange the table ?’_

_‘Yes, why ?’_ I asked although I already knew what would follow.

_‘The mise en place is by the book. Did you use to work in a restaurant ?’_

_‘No, I just like things in order’_ I replied and walked to the kitchen.

_‘Will you get mad if I won’t remember all the table etiquette ?’_

I reduced my reply to an adorable pucker.

The lights suddenly dimmed in the living room as she messed with the switch she found on the opposite wall. She left her clutch purse on one of the armchairs and walked at the kitchen counter watching me removing the duck from the oven.

_‘Oh God, that smell’_ she touched her chest in this theatrical manner and moaned.

Her overreaction was yet to receive the feedback she expected from me.

_‘I noticed you’re wearing green tonight. A bold color’_

_‘Ever since our last meeting, I kind of became obsessed with this color’_ she bent over the counter and dipped a finger in the hot gravy sitting next to the cooked duck ‘ _Fuck… this is amazing. Did you really cook this?’_

_‘Now you’re just embarrassing me. Go take a seat’_

_‘Yes Mr. Johnson’_

I remember that specific reply because it bore a particular tone and sensuality. After setting up our plates, I walked at the small bar and at her request I prepared her some gin with a twist of a lime. She took the drink and sipped carefully from it. The way she closed her eyes and hummed complimented my skills. And she didn’t stop at the drink.

_‘How come you can cook and arrange a table like a pro ?’_

_‘I like to work with my hands’_

_‘I have no doubt about it’_ she took another bite of my dish mouthing the word delicious back at me _‘So tell me, Danny, can I call you Danny?’_

I pushed my plate away as I wasn’t very hungry and placed both elbows on the table. With a slow nod I let her know I was okay with it.

_‘Where do you work ? This doesn’t look the kind of place to sit for hours and write’_

_‘In my bedroom’_

It was almost amusing how she gobbled that duck breast, desperately trying to coat each bite in the orange sauce I prepared. I reached for the gravy boat and got very generous with the sauce that time.

_‘I’m sorry if I come out as a savage, but I’m not going to lie, this is the best dish I’ve ever tasted in my life and-’_

_‘I wasn’t judging you in any way. I take it as a compliment’_

_‘Good, you should’_ she wiped her lips with the red napkin she had in her lap _‘So, you’re working in your bedroom. Isn’t it distracting ?’_

_‘Not at all. In fact, this is the loudest room in the apartment, the big windows constantly steal my attention and I found out it wasn’t working for me. So I moved my setup in my bedroom’_

_‘Setup ? What could you possibly have other than a computer ?’_

_‘Are you trying to fish for an invite into my bedroom, Ms. Becker ?’_

With a loud clunk, she let the fork and knife in her plate and before answering me, she gulped a greedy mouthful of her gin. 

_‘If I’m going to call you Danny, at least offer me the same courtesy and call me Erin. And to answer your question, could I ?’_

  
  


The door to the bedroom was obviously closed, otherwise I’m sure she wouldn’t ask about it. It wasn’t because I was hiding something from her, but mostly because I never let anyone in there. It felt too private to allow someone snooping around, but then again I couldn’t really refuse her. I sat up and gestured at the hallway. She jumped up and I saw her emptying her glass of gin in one greedy gulp before following me down the hallway. 

We walked side by side, although the narrow corridor wasn’t built for it, she refused to take lead or allow me to do it. She made sure to stay close by and I realized why when she suddenly grabbed my right shoulder and seized my tie with her other hand.

_‘Woah, that last mouthful went straight to my head_ ’ she leaned against my body for support and cackled amused.

I knew she couldn’t fabricate such a genuine chuckle, but I also knew she finished her drink specifically for this to happen. She intoxicated herself on purpose to play her part the way she probably imagined since before she’d leave her house. I caught her wrists and helped her regain her balance.

_‘You’re stronger than you look’_ her fists opened to feel my chest.

Do you see now why she was so eager to come to my apartment ? Let's move on...

I reached for the door’s knob and opened it. Erin threw me a sketched smile and stepped in slightly shy.

The first thing that caught her attention was the wall in front of the bed. It was covered with headline cuts, articles, photos. She approached it and stared in awe at it. I sat in the doorway and watched her tracing each item I pinned on the wall. Her attention climbed down to my desk and gasped excited as she noticed the typing machine.

_‘Do you really use this for your current job ?’_

I snorted amused.

_‘It would be really hard and quite redundant, logistically speaking. I do fool around with it when I become wistful, solely for the exquisite feeling and sound of it’_

_‘I can see now why this is a better place for work’_ she looked around _‘You’re isolated here. No TV, no radio, no record player, blindfolds on your windows’_

_‘Exactly, I can retreat in my own world here, there’s nothing else beyond these four walls’_

_‘Sounds a little bit sad when you think about it’_ she turned at me serious _‘To be alone for such extended periods of time’_

_‘I don’t feel sad when I’m alone, do you?’_

Crossing her arms on her chest she faced the wall again. 

_‘It’s like a story, like a movie, all of it’_ her fingers danced across my wall.

I ignored the fact she brushed off my question again like she always used to when it came to personal details.

_‘That was the point’_ I finally walked in and stopped next to her.

She kept staring at the wall. I was quite convinced by that time she wasn’t contemplating my work. With a low voice she finally crossed that barrier which I’m sure it was painful for her to overcome and admitted to me she always felt sad, not just when she was alone, but especially when she was among people or friends.

I gently caught her shoulders and turned her around to face me. 

_‘Do you feel sad now?’_

Her eyes were glowing. She looked at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen and she suddenly crashed into my arms. At first I didn’t know how to react, that was the last thing I expected her to do, but that was my confirmation she was hurting more than she would allow people to see. When I first saw her I could pick up the hints in her gestures and constant avoidance on specific topics. 

Then again, I was no fool and I knew her game from the minute she stepped in the house, what I didn’t know, and I’m going to be sincere here and admit it, is that we **_both_ **weren’t prepared for what happened that night. 

Of course she came to prove to herself she can have me, and it was all a game for her, but she quickly learned her plan backfired when she understood I read every step of hers easily. But what crushed her the most was the fact that I saw through her mask and could see that pathetic, lonely and empty shell of a human being she actually was. 

As for me, I was set to teach her a lesson, but instead fell in love with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is out sooner because I had some spare time and a lot of ideas. Though it's going to be a steamy ride, the reality of this story is quite sad and dark.
> 
> Let me know what was your favorite part. 
> 
> Don't forget to Subscribe to my profile or this story to stay updated and/or Bookmark it. Cheers guys and have fun reading this 😄

When I saw Kate’s dramatic reaction that night, before I put an end to both our turmoils, I couldn’t stop remembering one of Erin’s performances. Kate kept shouting in desperation at the other killers, at me, at her older friend, Meg, she argued with everyone without realizing she was arguing with herself. She was waving her hands all around, contorting her face in displeased and hopeless grimaces as she realized she was about to lose everything. She went from a raging fire to a dying ember, talking in whispers, ashamed of her feelings. I’d say the amount of passion these two women invested in their acts was pretty much the same. 

Was this very passion I noticed they owned that I envied so much ? Because I never had it ? Or because I had it and lost it ? She was adorable… the way she fought for something she could never have or keep. Her theatrical attitude sent me back to my ex-wife.

Me and Erin were busy most of the days and we’d mostly get a chance to see each other during the weekend and even then she wouldn’t be available the whole day. I wasn’t bothered by it at the beginning, we didn’t know each other that well, but in time, it grew up to be frustrating to see her leave in the middle of the day or sometimes night. It was mostly annoying because our relationship couldn’t move further and it became harder for me to read or understand her behavior since she was missing most of the time from my life.

I found out it was easier to just attend her plays and then take her back home. That would be enough quality time we could share according to my rules. I got the chance to see her several times in her circle of friends and acquaintances and I can say with painful honesty that she wasn’t the person I loved. 

She was this whole different woman around them and she always excused her behavior by saying it was required for her to be that way, but that she doesn’t enjoy it either. Who was she fooling ? She loved every second of that pitiful, rich and extravagant life, but she never understood or simply refused to see that very life has brought her on the edge of her sanity and sank her down in depression. Whenever I tried to approach the subject she’d give me the silent treatment. 

Now, I don’t usually put up with these childish whims, but I gave her the space and time she needed before I’d gain her trust and started confessing to me and admitting to her issues. I did my best to be there for her, to support her and help her overcome that dark period in her life… and I succeeded. I won’t enumerate now all the sacrifices I made for her, you’d be able to tell that yourself. You seem like a smart one...

I remember one night following some of our first dates, I attended her play and I gazed at her on the stage. She was in her element. She was the protagonist, everything revolved around her, she was in the spotlight, she was watched by hundreds and always venerated at the end with endless rounds of applause. She was talented of course, I gave her that and I genuinely felt happy and proud of her. Proud of her uncontested skill of emulating anything she was requested to, including this vernacular language she nailed. I supposed I recognized myself in her.

Every time the cast climbed on stage to give their respectful bow to the audience, she always made sure to throw me a subtle wink. It became our thing. At that time, people were only speculating she was seeing someone and the press went nuts about the mysterious man who managed to steal her icy heart as many have stated. Was I excited about that ? Of course. No one knew it was me although I was sitting there in the front row exchanging these sly smirks with my Erin, my little caged bird I was about to set free.

It was pouring rain that night. You know that kind of summer thunderstorm, with heavy lightning and thunder, a relentless downpour rendering the car’s wiper blades useless ? I could barely see the lights on the street or people, if there were any. As usual, I waited for her further down the back alley of the theater and the first thing I recall about her was her perfect make-up. The rain couldn’t take its toll on her beauty. I gave her a weak smile and I heard her labored breathing as she entered my car.

_‘So ? What do you think?’_ she collapsed the wing mirror and dabbed her cheeks and forehead with the back of her hands.

_‘You were incredible’_

_‘Really ? You’re not just saying it ?’_ she turned at me ever so cheerful.

_‘I don’t lie’_

_‘Fine, I believe you. Let’s go. I so need a shower’_ she shifted in her seat and ran her fingers through her hair trying to shake the water out of it.

I could tell she wasn’t happy with her acting, I noticed on several occasions that she’d always end our discussions quickly after requesting my opinion on her performance. When she was happy with her work, she wouldn’t stop talking. I didn’t want to rush her in any way, so I kept all comments to myself and kept driving. 

In the first intersection, I stopped at a red light I barely saw. The rain was washing over the windshield like a torrent. That split second between the wiper blades’ motions gave me little to no visibility over the boulevard. The breaks squealed at my hard stop and we both tilted forward prompting against our seat belts.

_‘A little bit of a daredevil, are you?_ ’ she leaned her head towards me and gave me this impish grin.

_‘I actually couldn’t tell the color’_ I excused my imprudence.

_‘I wasn’t scolding you’_ she spoke wearing that same grin _‘In fact, go on, it’s late, the streets are mostly abandoned’_

_‘You want me to cross the red light?_ ’ I looked at her and noticed her giddy attitude as if she was a teenager.

_‘Yes please’_ she grabbed my right thigh.

I disengage the clutch and pulled the gear shifter in 2nd position. Still refusing to engage the clutch, I accelerated to make sure I’ll reach the optimal RPM but also to make sure there was indeed no other incoming car from the other boulevard before adventuring forward. 

As I slowly slipped the clutch until I felt its bite and the pain of the gears grinding against each other, trying to find their right spot, I gave it enough gas to feel the car skidding on the wet tarmac. The back wheels struggled to gain friction and the car’s rear slipped to the right just for a second before sprinting onward forcing me to counter steer it to maintain a straight direction. I insisted on the gas and rushed the next gears as we crossed the intersection. The car drifted for a moment as we exited the intersection and I heard Erin cheering, throwing her hands in the air.

_‘I’m so hot for your right now’_

_‘Being an outlaw turns you on ?’_ I threw a furtive squint at her still trying to maintain my focus on the treacherous road.

_‘Well, it’s something forbidden, something illegal… don’t tell me you don’t find that even slightly appealing ? Exciting ?’_

Of course I felt the same way about it. I learned in time I actually enjoy it way too much and on a bigger scale. What I wonder now is if she felt the same way the night I showed her who I really was. As I said before… people love to live in their own fantasies but when reality hits them, they suddenly don’t like it anymore. Sure, there’s a difference between risking a ticket or a suspended driver’s license and being a serial killer, but the fundamental principle is pretty much the same.

_‘Do you know why you find that appealing ?’_ I asked her as I approached another red light and stopped the car as seamlessly as possible.

_‘No’_ she looked at me and with a lascivious look she continued _‘Educate me!’_

_‘Because everything that’s prohibited and banned represents power in our eyes. A power we are not allowed to possess’_

The corner of her mouth pinched a little and she reached for my neck, gently playing with her fingers across my skin.

_‘And?’_

_‘And what you actually strive for or desire is that power, that freedom of being able to do everything you can. We, as a species, despise limitations, boundaries, rules because we feel we are controlled, we are inhibited, which is absolutely true. Those rules and limitations are issued and enforced by other people with power and control. It’s all about who’s the apex predator’_

_‘And, are you the apex predator ?’_ she leaned over my neck moving her hand in my lap.

My head turned around to meet her face and she stared into my eyes with an obvious infatuation. I pinched her chin between my fingers and raised her head to my level. Her expectations grew second by second.

_‘Of course not’_

The spark in her eyes suddenly disappeared and her smile vanished as quickly as it came. I released her and started driving again at the green light. She moved back into her seat disappointed. I could see her with the corner of my eyes. She was such a foolish little girl. She didn’t understand it… but she will. I barely contained my own simper.

After several minutes, we finally arrived at her house. The car’s engine was stopped but we were still inside. A lightning tore the sky in half and I could catch a glimpse of a tear rolling down her left cheek. And there was the proof I was right about her dissatisfaction with her performance and that something ate her mind. I turned towards her and gently wiped the stray teardrop. My hand traced her jawline and stopped on her chin, tilting it towards me.

_‘What’s wrong ?’_ I asked her but my questions seemed to have worsened her situation.

She grabbed my hand in hers and started kissing it, before placing it over her cheek.

_‘I love these hands. I love the way you make me feel when you lay even a single finger on me’_

_‘And how do you feel ?’_

_‘So very much alive, desired… loved’_

_‘And you don’t feel like that otherwise ?_ ’ I finally found my cue to dig deeper in her psyche.

_‘Do you think they love me ? The others ?’_

_‘In some way, perhaps they do’_

_‘I hate them all’_ she mumbled through her gritted teeth.

_‘Did something happen to you?’_

_‘No, I just-, nevermind. Talk to you soon ?’_ she tried to dodge my question again but before she’d open the door I blocked it.

Her eyes darted at the door then at me, then at the button I pressed.

_‘Danny ? What are you doing ?_ ’ she gave me a distraught look.

_‘I grew tired of speaking to a wall. If you so enjoy being trapped, there you go. How do you deal with it ?_ ’ I challenged her.

_‘Open the door’_ she reached for the button but I grabbed her wrist and stopped her _‘Danny, stop it!’_

_‘Talk!’_

She suddenly starts crying. I couldn’t even tell if she was genuinely doing it or just pretended to escape the uncomfortable situation she had been dragged into. It was quite annoying to live with such a chameleon.

_‘Please let me go’_

_‘Why ? So you can run away from yourself again ?’_

_‘Danny, stop it, I want to leave, open the door’_ she tried one more time to open the car’s door.

I stopped her and I reached for her face. Pulled her closer, standing face to face, feeling each other’s breath. She closed her eyes and tears would knot under her chin.

_‘Talk to me’_

_‘I want to end it’_

_‘What?’_ I instantly shook my head paranoid.

_‘My job. I want to quit acting. This thought has been gnawing on my mind for so long’_

_‘Is this why you always ask me about your performance ? You think its quality decreased due to these thoughts ?’_

_‘I suppose’_ she shrugged her shoulders without facing me.

I tipped my head to a side and watched her struggling to control her sniffles and tears. She was telling the truth. Whenever she’d avoid eye contact she’d speak from her heart.

_‘Do it!’_ I found myself saying.

_‘That’s not all’_ she wiped her cheeks quickly _‘I thought about this long before I met you, but when I met you, the way you subtly lurked into my mind and read me so easily, although it hurt me, I knew you were the one to save me and yet…’_

_‘And yet ?’_ I echoed curious.

_‘I’m too scared to let go. I’m scared to give up on all this’_

_‘Scared of giving up on all the things that made you sad ?’_

_‘Regardless of how I feel, or how fake everything is in my life, at least I have it. That’s ALL I have and I know, otherwise I got nothing’_

I’m not going to lie, I felt betrayed. I turned the car key, cutting its power which opened the doors by default. The second she heard that sweet release sound, she rushed outside making a bee line to her house. I sat with my hand on the ignition key pondering, then I looked over the window and saw her opening her front door. I hit the steering wheel enraged and stormed out of my car, catching her just a second before she’d enter her house.

_‘Really ? Without that make believe world you’re living in, you’ve got nothing else ?’_ I yelled at her enough to cover the violent rain.

I was losing my mind as I recalled her contradictory words. How could she be so blind ? How could she insult me like that ?

_'Yes, I got nothing. Or perhaps I do have another deception in progress. All I have is an illusion of a better life'_ she started to cry but I could only tell by her restrained voice since the pouring rain soaked us _'Especially you, Danny. I thought I would be happy, for once in my life, for once in my life I thought I have found my savior. But I got nothing, the love of all those around me is fake and evanescent, even yours. I'm just an exciting project to you, continuously mind gaming me. While I suffer, you have fun at my expense. I don't have anything, yes, especially you, the one I considered my hero'_

My vision went black as I blinked slightly feeling remorse for my previous accusatory thoughts. I listened to her entire speech and I felt that anger within me slowly diminishing in intensity. It was gradually replaced by something else… 

It exasperated me. I felt like dying for giving up. I caved like an idiot, like a mindless fish getting caught in a fishing net, because I believed her… And honestly, I think even she believed herself. I sighed as if I relinquished myself and sunk my fingertips in her hips, pushing her against her front door. 

* * *

**_[This song inspired me to write this particular scene and I found it perfectly fitting Danny’s character:_** [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoass6XxJwk_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoass6XxJwk) _]_

* * *

  
  


_'You have me'_ I whispered in her ear and she suddenly turned limp in my arms.

With a clumsy, trembling hand, she opened the door and we stepped inside. We sat in the small hallway for a moment with only the water dripping from our coats breaking the sepulcher silence in the house. She was shivering but I knew the cold rain wasn’t the culprit. The street lights outside gave me enough visibility over her, although the rest of the house seemed to be lost in a dense, thick, pitch black veil. An occasional lightning offered me a clearer glimpse of her desolate face. She was waiting. Silently and motionless. I’m sure she couldn’t see me well, her eyes still trying to adjust to the darkness. Years of daily exposure to such an environment, back in my parents’ basement gave me an upper hand in such situations. I felt like a predator as I watched her slowly reaching for the light switch. I caught her hand and stopped her.

_‘Leave it off’_ I touched her face gently and she let her face lean against it, begging for more.

_‘I can’t see a thing. I can’t even see you’_ she tried to argue but I silenced her as I pressed my finger over her wet lips.

_‘You don’t need to. All you need is to_ **_feel’_ **I brushed my lips against her neck and I could feel her body stiffening just before she’d let out a soft moan as my hot breath hit her cold skin.

Blinded, her hands slyly started to discover my body. First I felt them wrapping gently around my forearms, as if she was still trying to make sure there was another person with her in that empty space. Then slowly, they climbed on my shoulders and finally slipped them through my open trench coat, gliding them in excruciating slow patterns on my chest.

I allowed her that brief moment of sovereignty, not to help her overcome her handicap, but to prove her quickly afterwards what true dominance looks like. I sat quietly before her as she continued exploring my torso and back. My time was drawing closer, I could feel it. The second I realized she turned more confident and that wee bit of boldness she must’ve scavenged for within her murky soul started to surface, I seized her still attached to my belt hand.

_‘Why do you rush?’_ I smiled though she couldn’t see me.

_‘Why do you torture me?’_ her weak voice came from underneath my chin.

Was I really torturing her ? Perhaps. It came so naturally to me I couldn’t actually tell. Was I enjoying it ? Too much I’d say. Did she deserve it ? In hindsight… absolutely.

My hands lowered down from her slender neck, danced across her collarbone for a mere second right before I hid them under her parka, gently cupping her shoulders. I pushed down her soaked jacket and heard it hitting the hardwood floors with a squishy sound. Her white shirt was glued to her free breasts becoming her second skin. She stepped on her parka as I shoved her against the wardrobe behind her. 

I forcefully grabbed her hips, pressuring two perfect spots, those two spots she had been unaware of possessing before meeting me and I could already feel her surrender. I could see it in her softer, weaker, still searching for my face look. I could feel it in her hastened breathing, in her digging nails on my shoulders, in her haunches moving unwillingly towards my lap. She took off my coat and yanked my tie, pulling me closer finally finding my face.

_‘Do I need to beg for it?_ ’ her mouth moved so close to mine I barely refrained from tasting the cherry lipstick coating those perverse lips of hers.

I lifted up her skirt and clawed her nude sheer pantyhose, throwing over the window what I’d assume the most annoying half an hour of her life while deciding which ones to buy not so long ago. Well, she didn’t seem to be bothered by it nonetheless, in fact, the low moans in my chest told me otherwise. 

_‘That would be quite redundant’_ I said and ventured my hand between her legs.

She quivered under my emphatic touches and I could hear her disappointed sigh when I stopped. Suddenly her pelvis started pushing forward as if she tried to reach for something in front of her. The ghost of her pleasure. Rain wasn’t to blame for what unfolded under her skirt, no thunderstorm could reach such a secluded place. I grinned at her desperation. 

If she fooled me and won at her game, I wasn’t going to go down so easily, no pun intended. I’ll make her regret her choice, even if that choice benefited me, I’d have to win at something. And she did try to cross me again, almost killing my mood or to my own exasperation almost sent me on the verge of putting a stop to it. Now, that would be the cruelest punishment.

_‘Don’t do that again’_ I muttered in her ear as I removed her persistent hand from my belt buckle.

_‘Why ? Will you get angry ?’_ she returned with a little bit of cockiness in her voice.

That fucking little minx, oh how much I wanted to silence her pouty little mouth at that very moment. Ah, how much I loved her, how much she knew how to stir my insides up.

_‘Do you want me to ?’_

_‘How bad can it be ?’_ I heard her daring tone and I immediately seized her throat, banging her back against the closet’s door, which squealed in its hinges.

Though she was struggling to breathe, I could see her insolent smile. Blood boomed in my veins and I could suddenly hear this song I heard some time ago running in the back of my head. Some strong and electronic beats sending you almost on a psychedelic trip just by listening to those insanity-inducing tones. As I went through the whole song in my own head, I caught the slit of her pantyhose and ripped them open and released the clasp of my belt buckle with such dexterity she sat dumbfounded, slightly embarrassed of her previous futile attempts of completing that same task.

I could hear her breathing already hastening in anticipation. She was hardly balancing herself on the edge of her orgasm, she was so ready, so close, that the moment her right perky and ripe breast filled my hand she just dropped her head onto my chest and whispered a delirious _‘Please_ ’.

Like a merciful god, I seized her thighs and helped her wrap her legs around my waist. Through the darkness, we found each other’s lips and started a battle for dominance, our tongues constantly struggling to tame the other one. I could finally taste it… that cherry flavor. She fought quite valiantly and I could feel her frustration rippling through her shivering body when she came to understand she had no chance against me. Only when she subsided her desire for control and allowed me to take lead, she learned she’d have a better life and a more pleasurable experience. Her tongue sat defeated inside her mouth and I could finally massage it in slow strokes, finally comforting her after such an avid battle, just like a predator licking his prey before feasting upon it. I claimed her docility as my trophy but I also made sure to reward her.

With her back still resting against the closet, she twitched once and arched it when she welcomed me inside her so easily, so effortless as if I was the missing jigsaw piece in all this Erin puzzle. Her head fell backwards and gasped at the electrifying feeling of each slow, rhythmic push of my hips. Her loins started to ripple like a tamed wave of the sea. The song in my head almost reached that explosive drop we all wait for.

She gasped for air once as if she forgot to breathe and laid her head on my right shoulder, sinking her teeth in my flesh. I suppressed my grunt of pain but that sharp ache mercilessly pulled me out of my own pleasure, sending me rippling into a painful memory of my childhood. The song ended abruptly, a deafening silence filled my ears, her body felt heavy in my arms, her legs still shackled around my waist shaking uncontrollably. I heard her thanking me, and some other mumbles which I couldn’t care about at the moment. I sat with her in my arms, staring at the black closet before me. That blackness, that emptiness, that silence… suddenly they became so familiar to me… all too familiar. 

  
I made her **_feel_**. But did I really save her as she claimed ? Or did I just plagued her mind with the same disgusting and pathetic poison I have been cursed with ? ** _Feel_** **,** ** _not see_** **,** huh ? If you could only understand how much worse it is to feel rather than see the horrors and disappointments of this world laying before your innocent eyes. Well… blood and pain definitely saved me, set me free.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> A new chapter is here.  
> A new memory.  
> A new character.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! Let me know your thoughts and what was your favorite part.
> 
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I looked into her eyes and I could see the passion burning in them. Those ocean eyes turning ever so gleaming into the low yellow light in the room, shamelessly betraying her emotions. I actually felt her pain. I know her pain. 

That pain of losing someone… I know Kate, I know how it feels. I’m well familiar with that knot in your throat, suffocating you, choking you with every word, those tears ready to crawl down your boiling cheeks till they wither, those tears which you fight so valiantly to hold solely to preserve what’s left of your dignity. That urge of grabbing my arm or holding me just to stop me, just to bring it to an end. That excruciating pain of realizing it’s done and you have to let go because you… lost. 

I know that loss. I know that look, that feeling, that ache… I’m smiling to you because you’re so naive to have believed this would’ve had a happy ending, I’m smiling to you because you’re so.... insane, to still host hope within your heart. I’m smiling because you remind me of a long lost version of myself. And you look at me thinking I’m smiling condescending… you think I’m mockingly smiling at your reaction. In reality, I pity you, I really… feel sorry for you. 

But I cannot forgive you for what you did back there, in my room. You managed to milk out that last remaining tear I had saved just to remind myself I was still human. You saw it and looked away. Was it because you felt ashamed of what you did ? Or because you felt disgusted perhaps of my vulnerability ? Regardless, I cannot let you live with that memory, nor can I allow myself to move on knowing you saw me that way.

From day one, all you wanted was to discover my identity, discover who I was, how I was as a person, snooping around my camera, questioning everyone about my past, trying to extort that same information from me with less than intelligent questions I might add. And you weren’t the only one. There were others just as interested in knowing me, in understanding me. 

I’m that interesting as an individual, I’m absolutely lovable even though I’m the worst… I guess. You all see what type of a person I am, you all see I’m what you consider being bad and yet, you’re all drawn to me like moths to light. I’d say humans crave persecution and suffering.

The same curiosity was shared by that new survivor, Nancy. And the more I think of her and our few trials, the more she reminds me of someone I worked with.

You see, after a while, my relationship with Erin developed quite fast and dare I say unfolded like a set off bomb. She took heed of my advice and gave up on her acting career, choosing instead to teach it, pass the torch as she used to say, although she was way too young to think that way. But that was the wisest decision she probably made in her entire life. And our life together couldn’t have been better. She became happier, she had time for many things, but primarily to attend her own needs. She was glowing and I was foolishly happy to see her that way. I knew I was the reason she reached that point in her life and that very thought made me even more happy.

Anyway, fast-forward 2 years, we were in a great place. Depression was a mere memory for her, a haunting one, but a memory nonetheless. And so, I married her, though I’m not going to bore you with that story. It’s absolutely trash to me anyway. I wish to erase that mistake out of my mind every second it sneaks up on me. 

Bottom line, we were doing very well, she became a more mature woman, her childish whims and entitled attitude were mostly acts to get my attention or play with me. I knew by then our relationship was prone to disaster, but still… I refused to see it or... believe it, and I sat there... captive. See ? We’re genetically programmed to beg for subjugation.

This one early autumn day, as I arrived at the office, I had the pleasure of meeting someone I grew to like very much, that someone which Nancy and Kate reminded me of. 

Like every morning, I went in the kitchen to get me some coffee before starting my day and I saw this young woman trying to figure out the coffee machine. I’ve never seen her before so I assumed she was a guest, which obviously explained her inability to use the espresso machine. As she heard my steps, she turned around and looked at me like a thief caught in her act. She goggled her unusual dark eyes, partially obscured by her golden bangs. With a sharp shook of her head, she fixed her hair and got it out of her eyes. She was carrying some sort of notebooks, tightly pressed against her chest and gave me a confident greeting.

_‘Are you here for an interview ? Or are you looking for someone ?’_ I approached her.

_‘No, actually I’m a student, well… I’m graduating next summer, hopefully’_ she detailed with a genuine smile.

_‘I see’_ I walked at the coffee machine starting to prepare my drink _‘So, this is the mandatory internship required by your college ?’_

_‘Yes, though this gazette wasn’t my first choice, I was rejected for some reason from my first option’_

_‘Oh, what a fancy way to insult me. Always a great way to break the ice at a new workplace’_ I chuckled and turned on the machine before I placed a cup under the second nozzle.

_‘I- it wasn’t my intention to insult you personally’_

_‘Well, since I work here, I can take it quite personally, don’t you think so ?’_

_‘But I’m not talking about you personally, I don’t even know you. I just said this wasn’t my first option for my internship’_

_‘Why ?’_

_‘Because most articles or columns aren’t aligned with my interests and honestly those few which are, seem to be written by what I can only tell are self-centered assholes’_

_‘Just when I thought you couldn’t insult us more than that’_ I laughed softly at her words _'Hopefully your boss will value your impetuous honesty’_

_‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, I-’_

Sadly her thought was rudely interrupted by the chief editor, who entered the room and clapped his fat hands happily when he saw the girl.

_‘I see you already acquainted yourselves. Riley, he’s going to be your mentor’_

I’m not going to lie, that came as a surprise to me too. I didn’t expect to get a student, but I’d assume the chief editor didn’t want to tell me beforehand because I’d be refusing him. He knew me well. Now, putting me on the spot, I couldn’t really say no, besides, she already caught my attention.

_‘Jed Olsen, one of the self-centered assholes working here’_ I stretched my hand towards hers and she gave me a weak handshake.

_‘Mr. Olsen, I didn’t mean to-’_

_‘No, no, don’t worry. I appreciate honesty more than anything, that and boldness. You seem to possess both’_ I grabbed my cup of coffee and throwing her a smirk I continued _‘Didn’t you want one too ?’_

_‘I don’t know how to use it’_

_‘Well, you should’ve paid attention to what I did as I talked to you. Now you’ll sit through the day without caffeine. Come!’_ I gestured forward and I could see her disappointed look.

I made sure that day to show her around the office and all departments, meet everybody, understand each aspect of the business. She was tired and became restless by the end of the day and I could see it in her bones as she constantly tried to lean against walls or desks, looked desperately for chairs, shifted her weight from one leg to the other. 

She would often subtly gasp or sigh when people were talking to her, she was biting her lower lip from time to time, and her arms couldn’t stay up, around her chest, to carry her notebooks. She was unhappy with the place she ended up in, and clearly disappointed she ended up with me as her mentor. 

The hours flew so imperceptibly for me, but I’m sure they were a living hell for her. At the end of the day, I finally showed her my desk and where she’d be working too for quite a while. She dropped down on the chair next to mine like a sack of potatoes.

_‘Tired?’_ I sat in my chair and rolled it towards hers.

_‘Just a little bit’_ her weak voice betrayed the misery she believed she went through.

_‘I’m assuming you’re pursuing investigative journalism since you got stuck with me’_

_‘Yes’_

_‘Why investigative journalism ?’_

She barely had the energy to give me this feeble smile.

_‘I always wanted to work in law enforcement, specifically become a detective. Unfortunately, I have asthma and I couldn’t pass the physical tests’_

_‘Well, this is pretty much as close as you can get to that job’_

_‘Are you sarcastic ?’_

_‘No, you’ll know when I’m sarcastic’_ I unlocked my computer and moved my chair closer to the desk _‘You’re free to go home now’_

If you would’ve seen this girl how she stood up, how ponderous her walk was, you’d pity the living thing out of her. I’m fairly certain at the moment, she believed I did all those things as a punishment for what she said in the kitchen. Although the clock read 8 pm and I should’ve headed home as well, I had some lines to write to my new article and they couldn’t wait another hour, needless to say another day.

By the time I left the building it was way past 8 and great was my surprise to see Riley sitting down on one of the benches in front of our office. She wore a medium length trench coat and a beige scarf wrapped around her neck matching its color. The black leather backpack next to her probably held those notebooks she carried the whole day in her hands. I walked down the alley and stopped in front of her.

She looked up at me with these exhausted and hopeless eyes, that for a second I believed she was not feeling well.

_‘I’m okay, thank you. I just sat down to think’_

_‘For forty minutes ?’_ I looked at my watch.

_‘Yes’_

_‘Think about what?’_

_‘You’_ she barely muttered the word.

I shook my head slightly surprised by her comment, although I could see why she was angry or upset with my attitude.

_‘I’m flattered’_ I tipped my head to the left and continued in a serious tone _‘What’s wrong ?’_

_‘Look, I don’t think this is going to work for me’_ her voice suddenly turned louder and bore a grave tonality _‘I understand you’re great at this job, at what you do, but I can’t accept to work with someone like you. You deliberately dragged me all day through this whole building, made me talk pointless shit with whoever you felt like, had me answer questions unrelated to journalism just to humor you or punish me for the fact I had an opinion on your gazette ? Because I think differently of you ?’_

_‘Is your head stuck up your ass so deeply you can’t see what I was doing ?’_

_‘Don’t patronize me and don’t tell me you tried to teach me something. Nothing you did today was to mentor me’_

_‘Let me tell you something and then you decide if you’re coming back here tomorrow morning or not, does that sound fair to you?’_ I turned just as serious before continuing my thought _‘While you could’ve chosen to become an economist, a programmer or a human resources manager and sit down all day at your desk, eyes stuck on a computer screen for 8 hours or longer, you chose a career in journalism. If you’d think for one second that would imply writing articles for hours and hours and never move your ass, you’re in for quite a surprise. Being a good journalist means to be on the run at all times, ready for meetings or calls, for interviews, for endless days in search of sources, it implies a lot of research, a lot of insults and nos to be swallowed and accepted. You must listen a lot, observe, investigate. No information is completely useless. Everything helps in one way or another, you just need to look for value in it and how to exploit it. Nothing you saw or listened to today was pointless or useless, nothing I did was out of hate or punishment. Whenever a source will talk to you, you need not only to listen to what they say, but also to observe their attitude and reactions, because most of these little things give away a different side of the story. So let me tell you what I think of you, after all this “pointless” day we spent together, because unlike you, I paid a lot of attention, miss Riley. You’re most likely the youngest child in a very bonded family. You’re definitely not from Florida, I’d take a wild guess and say you’re coming from Oregon, but feel free to correct me, though that subtle accent lurks in and out from time to time. You’re a very driven young girl, headstrong and passionate. I could see how your eyes were sparkling when you had to talk about your thesis, but immediately dim in their intensity as you had to listen to some uninteresting facts about how a newspaper is run. Oh, and not to forget, you also have a significant other who was clearly trying to cheer you up today as you probably complained to him about your so presumed miserable internship’_

Riley looked at me dumbfounded as I dried my throat hoping my words didn’t land on deaf ears. 

_‘Now, you think hard and long on this one, not just forty minutes, because your decision will cost you money and time. Is this the right thing for you or are you too lazy and uncoordinated, incapable of multitasking ? Because if it’s the latter, you should spare yourself the pain and struggles of becoming a reporter or journalist and move onto a different career path. Good night, miss Riley’_

I noticed she wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to talk unnecessarily. I wanted her to really think about what I said.

The next morning I arrived at the office around 10 am and I met with the chief editor at the reception. The way he snapped his fingers in the air and called for me kind of annoyed me and I had the feeling I was about to get scolded for what I said to the intern. I was so not in the mood for that shit, but I walked to him anyway and he simply gave me a piece of paper. I unwrapped the note and read a couple of names and phone numbers.

_‘What’s with these ?’_

_‘Two new sources called this morning saying they’re willing to talk about the disappearance of those young men’_

_‘Is this it?’_

_‘Yes, what else do you want ?’_

_‘Nevermind’_ I turned around and headed for my desk.

I stopped at the end of the row and saw Riley sitting in her chair. She jumped up on her feet when she saw me and grabbed the cup of coffee from the desk, shoving it in my face with a sinister grin on her face.

_‘Mr. Johnson, I’ve made up my mind’_

_‘You decided to become a secretary ?’_ I took off my coat and saw her immediately taking it from my hand to set it on the hanger on the wall before offering me the steaming drink again.

_‘Very funny, sir, but I decided to become an investigative journalist. Even if that means I’ll have to swallow whatever you-’_

_‘Stop!’_ I cut her short with a hand gesture _‘Fortunately for you, I won’t have you… swallow anything miss Riley, however fucked up that sounds. You should work on your choice of words before speaking though’_ I brought the cup of coffee to my nose and let that warm, pleasant aroma invade my nostrils and wake me up.

She gave me this cute pucker.

_‘So, I’m here to learn. Teach me everything you know-’_ she saw me opening my mouth and stopped me immediately _‘EVERYTHING related to journalism that is’_

_‘Side-stepped that landmine, good, good’_ I nodded at her _‘Tell you what though, miss Riley, although you made your decision and you boldly came back thinking I’ll just accept this coffee you made as a peace offering, you just threw yourself in a deal breaker situation. First off, I hate ass kissers. Secondly, if you’re so confident to make me coffee unknowingly how the espresso machine is working just to impress me, I’m giving you a second chance to throw this in the sink and start all over. But if you insist on giving me this because you assume it’s what I always drink, you better be 100% it’s the exact same coffee I make myself, otherwise our collaboration ends right here’_

She shook her head to get her long bangs out of her eyes and bringing both hands to her back, she smiled at me.

_‘It’s the same’_

_‘You’re risking your internship over a cup of coffee ?’_

_‘Now, more than anything. I wouldn’t want another mentor and I’ve never been so certain of something in my entire life’_

I brought the cup to my lips and I could already smell the strong taste of it. It was clearly dark with no sweetener, but I had to check the color of it as well. I opened the lid and noticed the amber tint of the coffee. Just like I do it. I shared her gaze and she was arrogantly smiling back at me. She was 100% sure. I tasted it and the temperature was just perfect, the texture not too creamy, not too thin. Strong with just a tad of softness, yet no sugar.

_‘Dark, no sugar, 2 teaspoons of milk, kept at a perfect 140° F’_ she recited as if she prepared that moment the whole night.

_‘So you did your homework. You discovered my real name and how I like my coffee’_ I walked at my desk and turned on the computer.

_‘Does that mean I’m still your pupil ?’_

_‘A bet is a bet and you won’_ I sipped more from my coffee and asked her to take a seat.

She arranged her dress as she sat down and crossed her legs in a very ladylike fashion. I wanted to ask her something, but she beat me to it.

_‘Mr. Johnson, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I knew you were right, I just took it all so personally and I guess it was because I was afraid I’d have an awful and arrogant mentor and when you tried to show me things I interpreted that as being a punishment because I insulted you in the kitchen and-’_

_‘Okay, okay, stop’_ I silenced her _‘Do you see how many words and sentences you’re using to ultimately tell me just one thing ? Do you see how you bore me ? How robotic you sound and how unrealistic the whole speech is ?’_

_‘What?’_ Riley looked at me curious _‘I just want to excuse my behavior from yester-’_

_‘Yeah, yeah, I got that_ ’ I interrupted her again _‘But do you need to bore me with all those details which mean absolutely nothing to me and don’t excuse your behavior by any means ? You need to change your tone in certain areas and raise or lower your voice in others. You must emphasize words deliberately to show me what you feel, not just embellish simple ideas’_

_‘Mr. Johnson, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday’_

_‘Okay, why ?_ ’ I nodded at her perfect inflections in her voice.

_‘In an excess of zeal, I’ve been misinterpreting your actions towards me, solely because I expected a punishment for the insults I foolishly threw at your way, sir’_

My head tilted to a side and I stretched my lips into a mild smile.

_‘Beautiful, perfect amount of words, perfect pitch, I actually believe you’_

_‘That’s because I am sorry, genuinely’_

_‘When you first started telling me that I felt like you tried to excuse your behavior, like you tried to make yourself the good guy. And you rushed and spoke so automatically, because even you didn’t believe in it or feel it. You knew you were the bad guy. Now, when you accepted that guilt and spoke truly from your heart, I could believe you’_

_‘Are you saying that if I don’t feel or believe in a certain emotion I won’t be able to sell that to the readers or listeners ?’_

_‘Precisely, miss Riley’_

_‘But, I didn’t experiment everything, there are things that I wouldn’t know about. How could I write about that and make people believe me if I never felt it ?’_

_‘Go and experiment it. Experience is what makes you great at writing or drawing or singing or acting. When you’ve been on the other side too, when you’ve felt everything everyone else felt, you’ll know how to append their empathy’_

_‘And you’re saying you can’t lie about this ? That you can’t make someone believe you even if you’re perfectly pretending ?’_

_‘I’m saying that there’s always someone better than you who will be able to call your bluff. You may fool a lot of people, but if one sees through your act and calls you out in public, your entire reputation and credibility collapses like a house of cards. You either become a master at manipulation, much like a psychopath, though I doubt you are one considering how emotional you got yesterday or you experiment, young grasshopper’_

_‘And which one are you, Mr. Johnson ? Have you experienced everything ? Or are you a psychopath ?’_

_‘I have an extensive range_ _of emotions under my belt, spanning from the happiest to the saddest. I like to experiment a lot, I never shy away from opportunities, but… I can also lie like there’s no tomorrow. And I can assure you, you’ll believe whatever I’m going to tell you’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Because I study people, their emotions and actions, and that gives me a lot of insight. I might not feel their pain of losing someone to cancer for example, as that never happened to me, but I can understand what it means to lose something. Something you held dearly, I can understand loss. So, whenever there’s no real or direct correlation to something in your own life with what you’re facing at a moment, extrapolate it… go to the most rudimentary form of that emotion’_

_‘I think you’re the first person to say something like this about journalists. It would’ve been amazing to be taught this in school. Were you ever caught pretending ?’_

_‘I wouldn’t know. Perhaps some people could tell, but nobody said anything to me. In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m quite charming as a person, it would be hard for them to hate me or look for flaws in me’_

She giggled at my joke, but her cheeks were burning red. I could see her suddenly avoiding my look, and I watched her removing a notebook from her black backpack and started to take some notes. Her right hand was slightly shaking and as she was writing down the words, her lips slowly curled into a silly smile.

_‘Am I making you uncomfortable ?’_ I asked her, but first she finished writing her sentence before looking back at me.

_‘Not at all sir, why ?’_ her voice came out slightly shaky.

_‘You’re all flushed’_ I pointed at her face.

_‘I’m very hot, that’s all’_ she laughed and waved her left hand in her face.

_‘Are you ?’_ I chuckled amused knowing the temperature in our office was around 73 **°** F which wasn't a problem for men in suits, let alone for someone wearing a sleeveless dress.

_‘Okay’_ she let the pen down on the notebook and looked at me _‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, I know you’re married’_ she eyed down the ring on my left hand _‘I just tend to get really nervous around smart men’_

_‘You think I’m smart ?’_

_‘You don’t think so ?’_ she asked me with a frown as if she was surprised to hear me doubt my own intelligence.

_‘I know I am, I was just asking if you think that after one day’_

_‘See, even this whole confidence in your skills and intelligence is making me really nervous and I tend to get foolish like this. I tend to avoid eye contact with that person. I also blush as you can see and sweat like-’_

_‘Are you a sapiosexual ?’_

_‘What?’_ Riley frowned at me and shook her head as if she got insulted.

_‘Are you sexually attracted by a person’s intellect or mind before their appearance ?’_

_‘I know what it means, I was just-’_

_‘What is your boyfriend doing ?’_

_‘I’m sorry?’_

_‘As a job, or is he in college too ? What is he studying ?’_

_‘Um, civil engineer. He-, he’s actually older than me’_

_‘Is he an attractive man ?’_

_‘I-I’_ she choked and refused to look at me again _‘I guess, he is a regular looking guy’_

_‘I see’_

_‘Could you please excuse me ?’_ she sat up and rushed down the corridor to the restrooms.

One of my colleagues shook his head entertained, continuing to type his own article before he threw a comment:

_‘Poor little girl, doesn’t know what she willingly threw herself into’_

_‘I’m just teasing her. She needs to keep cool with the most uncomfortable situations’_

When Riley came back, she was clearly better and by the way she looked, I’d assume she washed her face and arms with cold water. Her skin was still glistering and I doubt she’d allow herself to stay sweaty. I continued the rest of the day showing her the type of work I was doing, what it implied, how I worked, you know the drill. I tried to be as good of a tutor as I could be for her. She really grew on me.

I noticed she took a lot of notes in her notebook during her internship, honestly I still don’t know what she could’ve written so much or if everything she wrote was related to journalism, but I suppose she really wanted to learn the job. 

Because I usually couldn’t tell when time flew and I was always stuck and swamped in my work, I often forgot about lunch breaks and at that time I made sure to let Riley know she could leave whenever she’d feel like it. She made sure to remind me of eating at work since day two though, and that was another plus of her presence into my life. 

Couple of more days into the week, as I was explaining to her how I ended up collaborating with the local police at a murder case, she shamelessly turned towards me and interrupted me to tell me she was hungry and she’d want to take a break. I checked my watch and realized I fed her a lot of information in a few hours, allowing her only quick breaks for what seemed like some short calls.

_‘You know what ? Let’s grab something to eat and call it a day’_

_‘But’_ she looked surprised at me _‘Don’t we need to return to the office after lunch ?’_

_‘We’re switching to working the field’_ I winked at her and she joined me like the best accomplice I could ask for, no questions, no second thoughts _‘Grab my camera from that rollbox’_

And so, we skipped half a day of work by pretending we were working in the field. Not that someone was actually checking me or asking me what I was doing. The chief editor trusted all his reporters and journalists to do their job. He knew most of our jobs required us to be out there, so although to Riley it seemed as if we did something bad, in reality nobody really cared we left, but she was too cute how she worried, like that newcomer at a workplace, constantly struggling not to get her boss mad.

_‘Do you have a culinary preference, Oregon girl?’_ I asked her and saw she turned her head suddenly at me.

_'Not really, I eat almost everything. And you still think I'm from Oregon'_

_'Aren't you?'_ I chuckled and turned a right at the next intersection.

_'I actually am, it’s just that guess of yours still freaks me out, that's all'_ she played with the backpack's zipper.

_'Maybe because it wasn't a guess, I could easily tell your accent'_

_'You can tell accents by region?'_

_'Some of them, yeah'_

_'Who are you?'_ Riley shook her head in denial _'You can't be so-'_ she looked at me and stopped.

_'Do you need the restroom again?'_

_'Funny, sir, I was just about to say you're not so old to be that versatile in so many areas'_

_'How old do you think I am?'_

_'I don't know, twenty eight?'_

I smiled.

_'Close, thirty actually'_

_'I guess that gives you almost a decade of experience then'_

_'I earned my experience way prior to my career. How about you ? Twenty, twenty one ?'_

_'Twenty one, yes, though I wish I was a grown up like you'_

_'Why?'_

_'You seem to know everything, like you have your entire life figured out, while I'm just being a… child'_

_'What's wrong with that?'_

_'I feel like I'm overwhelmed by this whole adult life I just embarked, building up a career and all that'_

_'That's quite normal to feel, but soon it will become a routine, you won't even tell the difference between the two life stages anymore. Sometimes you'll still feel like a child, sometimes the adult in you will have to step in and set things in order'_

_'I suppose you're right'_ she mumbled, staring over the window lost in thoughts.

We stopped in front of a good diner. They had a diverse range of foods, and I was sure Riley could find something she'd like and she did. If I recall correctly, she ordered just plain mashed potatoes with a medium sized beef steak. She was very simple and modest when it came to such things, even to her appearance and way of talking. She rarely wore brand clothes and I can't remember her wearing any perfume although the faded smell of her deodorant sneaked up on you with a sweet vanilla scent. She was always using a very subtle, natural make-up, not that she needed something more extravagant. I think she was beautiful simply because of her natural look. 

The way she used to talk, especially with me, also betrayed a very respectful and down to earth young lady. I knew her parents must've taught her that. I knew she carried that heritage from her home. A home which roofed what I assumed to be a very loving, humble and united family. Her parents surely taught her some life values and she didn't fail to honor that education she received.

She let her knife and fork down on her plate as she looked at me.

_'What ? You've been staring at me for a while'_ she smiled shyly.

_'Was I ?'_

_'Yes'_

_'Apologizes, I was just thinking'_ I gave her a weak smile and resumed eating.

_'May I ask you something, sir ?'_

I raised my eyes from my plate and noticed hers darting from one side of my face to another as if she had difficulties to concentrate on one thing. She rotated her fork obsessively.

_'Something personal I wager'_ I grabbed another bite and reached for my glass of water.

_'Yes sir, would you mind ? You don't need to answer me'_

_'Ask'_

_'Where did you grow up ?'_

And that’s the moment she started doing what others did too, before and after her. Trying to know me, to invade my privacy. To understand me. Her question suddenly sent me back in time. I put down my glass of water and looked at her somehow severe. After a short pause I told her I grew up in Ohio.

_'Any siblings ?'_

_'No'_

_'So, only child, huh ?'_

_'Yes'_ I don't know if she noticed my monosyllabic answers and understood she was threading on a mined land but her intrusion certainly didn't please me.

_'Your parents must've spoiled you'_ she chuckled and I could merely sketch a simper.

She stopped her interrogation quickly afterwards. She was a smart one, she did pay attention to details. 

_‘Would it be weird or inappropriate to ask for your phone number ?’_ she started all of a sudden after a long pause.

_‘No, I don’t see anything wrong with that. In fact, I hate people who aren’t punctual, I hate people who never announce when they are late, never update on their work. So, I’d say for your own good, this should be mandatory’_

_‘I’m with you sir on this one’_ she grabbed her phone and snooped around it before handing it to me _‘Please add it yourself’_

I reached for the napkin in my lap and wiped my hands as thoroughly as possible before handling her phone. I put down my phone number and asked her to add whatever name she wanted for my contact, but she shook her head in disapproval saying it didn’t really matter, all that before asking me to simply type Mr. Johnson. I complied and when I saved the contact, her phone started vibrating in my hand. A man’s name popped on the screen. I quickly gave the device back to her, but she simply rejected the call. She searched for my contact and called me to make sure I also have her number and then set the phone on the table face down. My eyes shifted from her phone back on her figure. 

_‘Was that your boyfriend ?’_ I ventured.

_‘Oh, that… yes’_

_‘Why didn’t you pick up ?’_

_‘It would be rude. I’m having lunch with you’_

_‘I wouldn’t mind it’_ I assured her but I knew that was not the reason she refused talking to him, so my sadistic pleasure and curiosity reared its ugly head and I continued _‘Had a little fight ?’_

Riley scoffed as if my guess was an absurd one, and yet she nodded in confirmation.

_‘It’s just a foolish, childish spat’_

_‘Was it ?’_

_‘Yeah, he just-’_ she stopped and looked back at me with a curious admiration _‘How do you do that ?’_

_‘Do what ?’_

_‘You always seem to coerce additional information from me although I never want to give it to you. Like you always follow up with some sort of a question which compels me to say more’_

_‘I’m not doing anything. Besides, you wouldn’t tell me something you don’t want to’_

_‘I see, so that’s how you do it’_ she shrewdly noticed my tactic and smiled.

_‘Is that why you took so many breaks today ?’_

_‘I’m sorry about that, please don’t think of me as that type of a person. It will never happen again, I promise’_

_‘Calm down, I wasn’t going to lecture you on this, I was just curious if it was related’_

_‘Yes, we talked back and forth and when I say talk, I mean argued’_ she chuckled.

_‘Is it because of your internship ?’_

_‘How do you know ?’_

_‘Intuition’_ I let out a triumphant smirk.

_‘It was stupid anyway. My first day I just complained a lot to him about you and this internship and how awful it was and how much I hated that day and he told me to fuck it. He said I should go somewhere where I feel okay, happy, content with my boss and where I could really learn something. After hours of thinking at your words, I had a revelation, I knew I had to go on with you. I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone, I knew you were right and I should take this job with all the good and the bad. When I informed him of my decision, he flipped out because he couldn’t understand how or what changed my mind, no matter how much I tried to explain the logic in your words. Today at work, I tried to give him even more reasons why it was the best choice to stay here. I told him how smart you are, how much I could learn from you, I think I even mentioned you are a brilliant man, which only triggered him moreso. Even though I tried to show him how happy and enthusiastic I was for working with someone who is doing exactly what I want to do. I mean, when you told me how you worked with the police in that case... that’s exactly what I want. That’s the closest thing to my dream of becoming a detective, because essentially that’s what you are. He did not take that well though’_

I listened to her though I already hinted the reasons they were arguing by the second she mentioned it was related to her internship. Her boyfriend’s naivety and jealousy amused me.

_‘I can imagine the things he said about me’_

_‘I’ll spare you those details’_ she laughed softly.

_‘What do you think he’s afraid of ?’_ I leaned against the backrest of my chair.

_‘He’s a fool, don’t mind him sir’_

_‘Of that I’m quite convinced, what I’m asking you is what do_ **_you_ ** _think he’s afraid of, so afraid he needed to act so defensive ? Do you think he fears I made a pass at you or that you fell in love with me ?’_

_‘W-what ?’_ the fork idled in her mouth for a couple of seconds before she barely swallowed her mashed potato.

_‘When it comes to something so primal, no one is stupid. In fact, when it comes to protecting what’s yours, it seems as if you’re becoming smarter or more keen to details, not that your civil engineer would be a stupid man, I’m merely pointing out a natural defensive mechanism for our species. You think he couldn’t tell by the way you talked about this internship, about your boss, that you are the one who got too involved ?’_

_‘Sir, I-’_

_‘Just a second’_ I stopped her and continued my thought _‘Listening to you just now, all I heard was you idealizing me, but nothing hinting at how I might've done something towards you. You didn’t say: my boss tried to make me laugh, to touch me, to throw sly innuendos, instead you pointed out your admiration for me’_

_‘Professionally of course, how is that inappropriate ? How can a man interpret that as such ?’_

_‘Are you saying me and your boyfriend are both out of line ?’_

_‘You said it yourself, he is a fool’_

_‘He is, but not because he believes that. He is a fool because he believes I’d be so unprofessional or unethical as to respond or take advantage of your innocent crush’_

The girl let the fork in her plate and gave me this humble and embarrassed look, but she did look into my eyes, although defeated. I admired her guts nonetheless.

_‘Did that make you feel uncomfortable ?’_

_‘More than I could take it’_

_‘I think you took it quite well. You maintained eye contact regardless of how ashamed you felt. That shows maturity. Did you really think I couldn’t tell ?’_

_‘Honestly I thought you’d be more tactful about it or simply ignore it’_

_‘Tactful ?’_ I scoffed ‘ _Look, miss Riley, I knew this day would come. I expected you’d have a crush, it’s natural. That’s why it doesn’t bother me. The question is, does this bother you enough to put a stop to this ? Are you able to work with me and disregard these transient feelings of yours ?’_

_‘Yes, I will sir. I realize what opportunity I have here and I don’t want to screw it up because of something so foolish’_

I gave her a weak smile because her attempt of deliberately antagonizing her feelings was far from reality. But I’d suppose she said that solely for her benefit, to power through and give herself that incentive she needed to ignore her obvious infatuation with me.

_‘Good, you’re being a smart girl’_

Did I really believe her ? Of course not. She still possessed an unripe brain, but I knew that experience would make her tougher, a more realistic and mature person. 

Would've been a better idea to have her transferred to a colleague of mine ? Perhaps. Perhaps that would’ve made her life easier and she’d be able to concentrate on her job because her focus would be solely on that. But in this business, you don’t get the luxury of being focused on one thing at a time. In reality, I think I was the best option she had there. I do realize my methods were unorthodox and I faced her with a challenge she wasn’t prepared to overcome easily, but these methods were efficient and she developed both her personality and career under my mentorship towards a direction I was proud of taking credit for.

Now, although I tried to help her overcome that phase in her life, in hindsight I think I only made it worse, but we’ll get to detailing that moment another time. 

For now, all you should know is that she did act normal and professional with me, though there were moments when I could see she fought to ignore her impulses or feelings. And, surprisingly or not, after a couple of months under my training, I witnessed Riley and her partner breaking up. 

It was one late night and we got caught up at work three hours overtime when he came to the office to take her home. I was already in my car, parked across the street, when I saw the two of them walking out of the building under one umbrella. It was pouring rain. I remember I turned the ignition key and wanted to take off when I suddenly saw him grabbing her arm and pulled her towards him. Riley jerked in his arms and released herself gesturing chaotically while they both engaged in what it seemed to be a fiery argument. They were both yelling, I could hear them faintly. At one point I saw him raising his hand and I instinctively pinched my brows, but that proved to be a mere gesture, not a threat. She didn’t flinch at the reaction either which only strengthened my observation. Not long after that, Riley seized his jacket’s collar, but he pushed her away dismissively and throwing a hand in the air, he left her. Weirdly enough, he didn’t offer her the umbrella, although he had to take only a few steps to his car. I can relate to his hate and anger now.

I still have the vivid image of her sitting in the rain, soaking wet, holding her chest. Abandoned, alone. The picture she painted for me eerily resembled something far worse than it actually portrayed, and it clearly touched that innocent, untainted string of my soul I so hardly try to bury deep in the back of my head and forget about.

Was I feeling sad for her ? For the way she felt that moment ? Or was I self pitying myself through her misery unknowingly ? I really believed I cared for her, for them… all. But later, after being stabbed in the back by the woman I loved, after she ripped open my chest and skull and seized control over my heart and brain just to shred them into pieces and toss them on the ground like garbage, all that was left for me was to pick them up, glue them together with hate, anger and humiliation… and what was reborn out of that was nothing more than a perfect being. 

She reached for her phone in her backpack and I saw her browsing through it desperately before bringing the device to her ear. My head instinctively turned on the passenger seat and looked at my phone. In a few seconds my phone’s display lit up and her name popped. I threw another quick squint at her and I saw her quickly ending the call, she didn’t even let it ring twice. Once she ended the call, she sat down on the concrete bench next to her and started crying. I could see her whole body shaking.

I peeked back at my phone and I grabbed it. Without taking my eyes off her, I tapped her missed call and initiated a new one. She stared at her phone surprised, but immediately started wiping her face and nose with her coat’s sleeve. She looked up and took a deep breath. She was preparing to answer me.

_‘Mr. Johnson’_ her voice still fostered a hint of sadness in it.

_‘I just saw your missed call. Apologizes, I didn’t hear or see it. Is everything alright ?_ ’ I asked and saw her sticking her phone to her shoulder so she could cover her sniffles and take another deep breath before bringing the phone back to her ear.

_‘No, yes, I’m okay. I think I must’ve dialled it by mistake’_

_‘Are you sure ?’_ I could hear her voice slowly breaking.

_‘Y-yes sir, you’re very- k-kind to-’_ at that point she let her phone face down in her lap and held her right hand to her mouth as she tried to suppress her sobs.

My head leaned on the headrest of my chair and I watched her in silence. After ten seconds, Riley took a few deep breaths and wiped her face again with her wet scarf before speaking.

_‘I’m sorry if my call disturbed you sir, it was just a mistake. The damn phone is playing tricks on me when I keep it in my pocket’_

_‘Are you out in the rain ?’_

_‘Um-, yes, I’m actually heading towards a subway’s station. I love walking in the rain’_ she forced a laughter.

_‘Then why are you_ **_sitting_ ** _in the rain ?’_

_‘I’m not sitting, I’m heading for the-’_

_‘It doesn’t sound like you’re walking, you’re not moving, I can’t hear your heels, I can’t hear the water splashing under your footsteps, you’re not short-breathed and I’m quite certain an asthmatic person wouldn’t enjoy to rush down 1 mile in these conditions. Why are you lying to me, miss Riley ? Why did you call me ?’_

_‘Sir’_ she paused for another deep breath _‘It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to call you. And yes, I am sitting down now, I took a break’_

_‘I thought your boyfriend came after you, why do you need to get the subway ?’_

_‘Oh, that… he, um-, we-’_

_‘Why did you call me, miss Riley ?’_ I echoed my question and looked back at her.

_‘We broke up’_ she whispered.

_‘I’m sorry to hear that’_ I said automatically out of a better response.

_‘It was long overdue anyway’_

_‘You still didn’t answer my question though’_

_‘I-’_ she paused and I heard her prolonged sigh _‘I said it was a mistake, really. Don’t think about it. See you tomorrow’_

After that she hung up on me. I lowered my phone somehow disbelieving her nerve. I saw her standing up and starting walking down the street. It didn’t come as a shock they ended their relationship, but wasn’t something I expected to happen either. I thought things were better between them, it most certainly seemed so. Probably, because she learned to maintain her personal life out of our discussions and always controlled her emotions, in fact so well, it almost fooled me. I say almost, because deep down I knew I was just trying to ignore the fact that her so presumed short-lived affection wasn’t as short as we both believed.

And yet… When I think back to my past, to my life, some of my few happiest memories include this young woman, Riley.

* * *

Below you may find Erin's (Danny's wife) and Riley's models as I imagined them when I created and described the characters:

[Erin ](https://www.dropbox.com/s/ksfcnctxz6u816z/erin.jpg?dl=0)

[Riley](https://www.dropbox.com/s/mu874vkp035ehlk/riley.jpg?dl=0)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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The following day, she showed up at the office 5 minutes past 10 a.m. She flew past the rows of cubicles and stopped abruptly when she reached our working space. She placed her backpack on the desk and slouched over her knees, wheezing. I turned my chair towards her and asked worried:

_ ‘Are you alright ?’ _

_ ‘Just a sec-’ _ she raised a hand and continued taking deep breaths.

Straightening her back, she walked to her chair and sat down continuing her breathing exercise. Reaching for her backpack, she removed an elastic band from a side pocket and tied her hair in a ponytail. Her neck and face were shimmering with small sweat drops. I sat silently looking at her and allowed her to calm down. She raised her head at me and finally spoke.

_ ‘I’m sorry I’m late’ _

_ ‘It’s just 5 minutes. I’m not that absurd. Did you run here ?’ _

_ ‘Yes’ _ she started to laugh but a mild cough stopped her.

_ ‘Do you need your inhaler ?’ _ I asked confused as I have never dealt with asthmatic people before.

_ ‘No, I’m fine. I trained myself to control my breathing and relax so I stop abusing the inhaler’ _

_ ‘Is that a thing ?’ _

_ ‘Yes, in fact, there are some doctors or scientists who believe that the asthma episodes may be a result of a panic attack triggered by the fact you know it’s going to happen after the smallest effort. And it can be countered with simple breathing exercises’ _

_ ‘And do you believe that ? As a person suffering from this chronic illness ?’ _

_ ‘I do, because I experienced it. I use the inhaler when I have really bad crises, otherwise I try to get over it with breathing exercises’ _

_ ‘You’re a tough one’  _ I smiled admiring her tenacity.

_ ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wash and change my shirt’  _ she laughed and grabbing her backpack she sprang up on her feet.

I looked after her as she rushed down the corridor. Riley was no taller than 5 feet and perhaps 4 inches over that. She was so petite next to me, next to anybody really. You surely know the type, small shoulders, small chest, small waist, perfect round hips. At least those black skinny jeans brought justice to her posterior. 

Overall she looked quite frail, and yet this girl was fueled by a slumbering volcano. It was rumbling within her and I could always see it in her eyes, in her actions, it was always on the verge of erupting. Her looks were deceitful. Although immature in the emotions area, she was poised otherwise, logical, she proved countless times she didn’t shy away from danger or uncertainty. In those two passing months I discovered with how much composure she carried herself. Or maybe I’ve been the culprit here.

And the more she approached the end of her contract, the more she seemed prepared for the job. At the beginning of December, her last month of internship, she worked extensively with me on the abduction case on which I’ve been offering my help and consultation to the police. She was in the 7th heaven. She got the chance to talk and work closely with the detective in charge of the case, the man liked her very much and appreciated her respect towards his line of business. And for Riley to have hands-on experience with a serious case and exchange experience with a real detective was something she could never put a price on. She knew how much that internship weighed for her college. Her own words, not mine. 

Because I grew to trust her and I was comfortable with the way she was working, which was pretty much mirroring my own style, I allowed her to take the lead in one of the interviews I had scheduled with a new source and I didn’t regret that decision one moment. It was interesting to see someone else becoming someone you’d be proud of. In fact, it was interesting to see her growing into another version of myself. It striked me as very personal, because it seemed as if I was staring at my own reflection.

We made sure to look as natural as possible, we didn’t wear tags or badges from our gazette, nothing to identify ourselves as people of the press. No notepads or pens, no phones in sight, nothing. Everything was in her backpack. We looked like two guests arriving at this woman’s house. Upon opening the door, she looked around the street with a worried look and whispered to both of us:

_ ‘Can you please hug me both ? As if you’re relatives ?’ _

We smiled at each other and took turns hugging the woman, before she’d invite us in her house with a large yet forced smile on her face. A smile which instantly disappeared when the door closed behind us. Riley walked before me and followed the woman in the kitchen.

_ ‘You have a welcomey house’ _ she tossed the compliment as she looked around at the big space.

_ ‘You’re very sweet to say that’  _ the woman went by the stove and looked back at us _ ‘Can I offer you something to drink ?’ _

_ ‘Tap water for me please’ _ Riley smiled.

_ ‘Nothing, thank you’ _ I raised my hand.

_ ‘Please make yourselves comfortable in the living room. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes’ _ the woman pointed down the hall.

Riley walked by my side when she noticed I stopped in front of a picture on the wall. She approached me and stared at the same picture. It depicted the host of the house, in her prime, with a little boy in her arms. She was laughing at the camera as she held a cone of ice cream in her right hand and the boy was touching his little nose which was all covered in ice cream.

_ ‘Lovely picture’ _ Riley let out a low chortle  _ ‘I remember when I was a little girl I used to do the same thing with the ice cream. My mother had to wash my face, hands and chest every time I ate that’ _

Although I heard her, my attention didn’t shift from the black and white picture. I was so affected by it I barely heard her calling me.

_ ‘Mr. Johnson ?’ _

_ ‘Hm ?’ _ I turned my head at her quickly.

_ ‘Are you alright ? You look really-’ _

_ ‘I’m fine, let’s go’ _ I dismissed her quickly.

She sat there a few more seconds, behind me, probably to inspect that picture and try to understand what stirred me up. She surely took a mental note of that unusual attitude of mine because later on we ended up talking about it.

I sat down on the couch and she joined me maintaining a professional distance between us. She took out her small notepad and a pen and gazed around the living room, before she’d stop her look on me. 

When our eyes met… something happened. I don’t know how to explain it, but she saw right through me, I could see she knew. I could see her understanding my pain. She saw the sadness, the struggle and pain in my eyes. It was a sickening feeling. I felt naked, exposed, vulnerable, ashamed. I forced my lips to curl, but that fucking smile wouldn’t come out. I felt my face paralyzed, the corners of my mouth kept pulling downwards, my eyes kept struggling to look away from her merciless stare. I noticed her hard gulp... she felt it. With a gentle smile, she brushed the moment away and freed me from the shackles of shame.

_ ‘There you go’  _ the host placed the glass of water before Riley and she took a seat in one of the armchairs across the table, slowly sipping from her cup of tea.

_ ‘Thank you ma’am’ _ Riley took a mouthful from her glass and set it back on the table.

_ ‘I understand you decided to contact us. There’s no one forcing you to do this, you know that, right ?’ _ I started.

_ ‘It was my decision, yes’ _

_ ‘Did you know the boy ? Markus ?’ _

_ ‘Yes, he lives 2 houses down the street’ _

_ ‘How would you describe him ?’ _ I continued and saw Riley already taking notes as the woman answered.

_ ‘Very respectful. He had so many friends. I often saw them gathering at his house, riding their bicycles, they were always taking hikes and camped in the forest near the town’ _

_ ‘Have you ever seen him fighting or engaging in arguments with any of his friends ?’ _ Riley jumped in.

_ ‘N-no’ _ the woman contorted her face as if Riley’s question was an absurdity  _ ‘He never had enemies. I told that to the police as well, they asked me the same thing’ _

_ ‘When you contacted us, you mentioned you saw a car a few nights prior to his abduction’  _ I avoided wasting more time on questions that were already answered and went straight for the honey jar.

_ ‘Yes’  _ the woman let the cup of tea on the table  _ ‘That car stopped at his house and I saw Markus getting out of it. I’ve never seen him before here’ _

_ ‘Do you remember the make of the car ? Its color ?’ _ Riley asked but she quickly underlined in her notepad the word  **him** from the woman’s last sentence. 

I tipped my head imperceptibly towards her in pride. She caught that one detail. Beautiful...

_ ‘It looked like those SUVs cars. Big, robust, but fancy. It was really dark outside, the car could've been any color, but I'd say it was slightly light in color, like a grey or dusty maroon' _

_ ‘Did you mention this to the police ? _ ’ I interfered just to prepare the ground for Riley’s question which I already knew she’d ask.

_ ‘No, of course not’ _

_ ‘Is it because you know we’ve sworn to protect our sources’ anonymity if requested ? Is this why you chose us over the police ?’ _

_ ‘Maybe’ _ the woman looked down, pondering.

_ ‘That means you’re scared of something. You’re scared to divulge this information and make it publicly available because it could paint a target on you, right ?’ _

_ ‘Well of course I’m scared’ _

_ ‘Are you scared of him ? The man driving the SUV ?’ _ Riley recognized her cue and jumped in.

_ ‘Why would I be ? I said I don’t know the car’ _

_ ‘Allow me to correct you, but you mentioned you’ve never seen  _ **_him_ ** _ before, which implies you saw the driver. You weren’t talking about the car _ ’ the girl continued _ ‘Unless of course you chose your words poorly and you meant something else’ _

The woman pursed her lower bit and threw a quick squint at me and then at Riley.

_ ‘I’ve seen him yes, I don’t know him personally, but we kind of know him around here. We heard rumors. So, I was terrified to say that to the detective’ _

_ ‘What were you afraid would happen to you ?’ _ Riley continued with a throw away question just so she could write down another note.

Her pen’s ballpoint slid several times under the word  **rumors** . I looked up at her and saw her concentrated face, although writing in her notepad, she never broke eye contact with her source. She had it deep in her bones. She was very good. A quick learner, an avid and curious mind. Once the woman explained her concern for her safety, Riley resumed:

_ ‘And the rumors ?’ _

_ ‘Word says the man is involved in human trafficking, but I can’t say for sure. He certainly looks like one of those mafia mobs’ _

As she was scribbling in her notepad and began writing down the words  **human trafficking** , her hand faltered for a second. She highlighted them. With a deeper breath, she raised her head at me as if she needed some sort of reassurance. It was obvious those words disturbed her, perhaps she didn’t expect the case to head in such a sensitive and serious direction. I resumed my response to a mild smile, which was enough to give her back the confidence it had been briefly stolen from her’

_ ‘Human trafficking ?’ _ Riley echoed the words  _ ‘Is there any evidence sustaining this accusation ?’ _

_ ‘Please don’t speak of this to the detective. You’re journalists, you promised to protect my identity. If you talk to the police they’ll force you to disclose your sources’ _

_ ‘They can also send us to jail for withholding critical information’ _ Riley informed.

_ ‘You’re safe ma’am’ _ I jumped in _ ‘Some journalists are willing to go to prison just to protect their sources and still tell the truth to the world’ _

Riley switched her attention towards me, surprised and somehow concerned. I know she wouldn’t, but I would. I wouldn’t care. 

That was bigger than a few months spent in jail. I wouldn’t give that information to the police just like that, I’d write about it and never suggest my source. Through my article, the truth and a new lead would become available to them as well, and then they’d seek me out and try to extort information from me, primarily who gave me this new data. When I’ll refuse disclosing that woman’s identity, they’ll sentence me to jail and a trial. And honestly, I didn’t care... but that was something Riley couldn’t have at the start of her career.

_ ‘Don’t worry about it’ _ I started with a calm voice  _ ‘I won’t write about it. I’ll follow this trail and try to get to the bottom of it by other means which won’t involve or point at you in any way’ _

_ ‘Oh, thank you, thank you so much. I wished I could’ve helped more, I don’t even know why I called you, but I suppose I wanted to get a clear conscience and say this out loud to someone, although I never wanted to make it public. I have a teenager too, you know. I’d rather die before I’d let somebody hurt my son’ _

As I heard her mumble and the passion and fear in her tone as she spoke about her boy, my mind completely disconnected. In my dissociative episode, all I could see was my own mother grabbing her luggage and storming out the front door of our house as her words bounced back and forth in my head -  **_‘I hate that boy…’_ **

A lot of whispers and voices were flying around me in that room. As a background noise, Riley’s voice hummed in my ears, slowly gaining intensity until I could blink and snap out of my trance.

_ ‘Sir-’ _

_ ‘I think we have enough for now, you don’t need to apologize for calling us here. You’ve been very helpful’  _ I automatically said and stood up.

The host walked us at the door, opened it and requested us to hug her again before leaving. As I leaned over her, she embraced me harder than the first time and whispered in my ear.

_ ‘You’re a good man’ _

I tugged myself from her arms feeling my head spinning. I had to escape that place at once. I couldn’t take another second near that woman or house. When I entered my car I suddenly regained my senses. I saw Riley jumping on the passenger seat with a grin on her face. 

_ ‘Oh my god. That was so fucking exciting’  _ she yelled  _ ‘I’m shaking, look!’  _ she showed me her hands  _ ‘It was so thrilling, so real, so emotional… I can’t believe you trusted me to do this sir. Thank you so, so much’ _ she ended and threw herself around my neck.

I sat inert in her arms until she pulled away.

_ ‘You’re the most honorable man I’ve met, or journalist to be more specific. The fact you’d go so far to protect that woman’s identity’ _

_ ‘I didn’t do it for her’ _ I shattered her illusion just to feed her a better one.

_ ‘What ?’ _

_ ‘I can’t write the article because you’re involved’  _ I said as I started the car.

_ ‘I’m sorry ?’ _ her brows pinched.

_ ‘Whether I’m willing to go to jail or not for this article to be published, that’s not fair towards you. You’re part of this case, you were there with me at the interview, you know about it, the police know you’re working with me. If I’d move forward with that plan, you’d also be dragged into this and the last thing you need at the start of your career is this big stain on your resume and reputation. Not that it would be something to be ashamed of, it would be something to be proud of, but definitely not the way to start your career’ _

_ ‘If it wasn’t for me, would you do it ?’ _

_ ‘Yes, I’d write the article and I’d be trialed and sent to jail because I wouldn’t disclose that woman’s identity’ _

_ ‘Why ?’ _

_ ‘Because I don’t care. I want to do my job, to do it perfectly, no matter what that requires _ ’

She looked at me silently and took out her notepad before going over her notes.

_ ‘Human trafficking ? This is some serious stuff’ _

_ ‘Are you scared ?’  _

_ ‘I thought I’d be when I first heard it, but I think it’s exciting’ _

I turned at her with a proud smile.

_ ‘You did very good today’ _

_ ‘Thank you sir, I learned from the best. Do you think she knows more than she’s telling ?’ _

_ ‘What do you think ?’ _

_ ‘I think she does’  _ Riley looked back at the neighborhood we left behind.

_ ‘Then your intuition got refined too. She does know more, but we can’t get anything anymore from her… at least for now. She’s too afraid to talk and you can’t beat fear without a more powerful tool’ _

_ ‘Trust ?’ _

_ ‘Miss Riley’ _ I tilted my head to my right and smirked at her ‘ _ You just graduated journalism in my eyes’ _

_ ‘You’re making me blush’  _ she covered her face with both palms and rubbed her cheeks _ ‘So what do we do now ? We exhausted our last source and although we got a new lead, it doesn’t give us a new direction, does it ?’ _

_ ‘Not a new direction, true. A new  _ **_perspective_ ** _ , yes. So, we’ll be backtracking’ _

_ ‘What do you mean ?’ _

_ ‘We’ll talk to the missing boy’s parents again’ _

_ ‘Interview the same sources, but with a fresh new perspective’ _ she muttered.

_ ‘Exactly’  _

Riley started writing feverishly in her own notebook something and gleefully started to hum a song.

_ ‘Look at you, all corrupted. You got the taste and now you want more’ _

_ ‘So much more, sir’ _ she pressed the notebook to her chest  _ ‘I still think I’m crazy for doing this, considering the severity of the case, but I can’t stop it. I draws me like an addiction’ _

_ ‘Oh, I know, believe me’  _ I smirked.

I turned on the radio and all we could hear were Christmas carols. I tried to switch to several stations, but all of them were repeating the same annoying playlists. Riley stopped me when she heard the one about that damn Rudolf reindeer.

_ ‘I love this one. It was my favorite when I was a child’ _ she chuckled and started singing along.

My hand slipped away from the radio’s switch and let it poison my ears. Might as well complete that Christmasy look since it already started to snow with those big kinds of snowflakes, which were absolutely useless for making snowballs.

There was this silence reigning over us which clearly spoke a lot about me, but Riley was too into the holiday’s spirit to notice. It was for the better anyway. At least that’s what I thought… because she remembered a lot of stuff, and once she finished her favorite carol, she turned towards me. 

_ ‘You’re not a holiday person, are you ?’ _

_ ‘Is it that obvious ?’ _ I swerved the car to avoid a pothole but my reaction was harsher than I expected and Riley had to brace herself.

_ ‘Yeah, I’d say it’s quite obvious’ _ she shifted in her seat to refit her position  _ ‘Tough period of the year for you ?’  _

_ ‘No, not at all, I love listening to the same songs for one straight month, pretending there’s something to celebrate just to have a reason to spend money on things I wouldn’t care about anyway. What’s not to like ?’ _

_ ‘That’s not what this is about’  _ she corrected me  _ ‘Christmas is all about spending time with the ones you love. To try and forget all the bad things in your life and enjoy the funny, happy moments with your family. The gifts are just a plus’ _ she giggled.

_ ‘Oh, I see, I always thought it was about the gifts and lighting the corpse of a tree’ _

_ ‘Why do you paint everything so macabre ?’ _ she turned serious  _ ‘I understand that was a sarcastic comment, but the way you said it, it clearly betrays your disgust with this whole thing’ _

_ ‘I’m just messing with you’ _ I stopped the car at a red light.

_ ‘If this is too mainstream to you, what were you doing on Christmas time ?’ _

_ ‘Nothing’ _

_ ‘What do you mean nothing ?’ _

_ ‘What’s that you don’t understand ?’ _

_ ‘Like what do you mean by doing nothing ? You surely had family dinner, you must’ve lit up the corpse of a tree, maybe get a present, even though it was not something substantial, surely you-’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t clear before, let me clarify that. By doing nothing I meant I was sleeping down on my father’s basement floor, beaten and hungry until he sobered up from his intoxication and gave me a questionable dinner. Of course, my mother wouldn’t be there to participate in that amazing and emotional family gathering around this beautiful period of the year, because she was too occupied to cheat on my father with another man, abandon us and tell me she hates me. There was no tree, no pine scent in the house, no gifts, no lights, no Christmas carols. There was a cold, dark room, the smell of blood, the sound of a belt lashing on my back, the loud yells, and a lot of garbage tossed down in the basement as they couldn’t fit in the house’ _ I looked at her and saw Riley’s eyes bathing in tears as she listened to me  _ ‘But I do love gingerbread’  _ I added but she didn’t find that funny anymore.

She wiped her eyes with a quick gesture and said no other word after that. Her head leaned against the cold window and stared at the lights hanging around the streets and stores. 

_ ‘Where would you like me to drop you ?’ _ I asked her.

She left my question hanging for a moment before whispering:

_ ‘Can you take me to the shopping center ?’ _

I slowly nodded my head and left her across the big shopping center. It looked as if Santa Claus and his elves puked all over the place. There was this festival hosted right in front of the mall. The twinkly lights blinded you. The big tree in the center of the festival was almost as tall as the mall. I suppose after I screwed her perfect image of this holiday, she needed a dose of happiness and joy, which clearly that place had in abundance.

_ ‘Thank you, sir, for everything. See you tomorrow morning’ _ she still had the energy to give me a smile.

_ ‘Anytime’  _ I replied and saw her running around my car to cross the street in a rush.

I turned off the radio as soon as she left and looked after her to see what she was doing. She jumped from the street to the sidewalk to avoid a big puddle and as soon as she found herself in front of the mall, she started to look at everything around her. She reached for her backpack and removed her own camera. Walking around, she stopped once to take a picture of the big tree, then snapped pictures of Santa's sleigh, some snowmen, and the lights hanging around the big shopping center. She even stopped a couple to apparently ask them to pose for a picture. The couple seemed eager to allow Riley to photograph them. 

I saw her stopping by a booth from where she bought a few candy glazed apples and she started to share them to those few orphan kids roaming around the festival. I started my car and drove off.

The next morning, although I arrived later than usual, as I walked down the corridor I could see Riley was missing from her desk. I removed my leather gloves and jacket and before I lazily tossed them on my chair, my attention was stolen by something on my desk.

I drew closer, curious, and raised the cup of coffee, which she obviously prepared for me and looked down at the big box of gingerbread. There was a note on top of it:

_ ‘Even Grinch had a heart and feelings’ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading Chapter 5. 
> 
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One day as I was out with Riley for a couple of interviews, we ended up walking in a park taking a break from the overwhelming discussion we had with our last source. Riley got quite affected by the woman’s mental state and although she kept her feelings in a tight leash, I could see she empathized with the hurting mother.

I didn’t like her so sentimental so I offered a short walk down a park nearby. She needed a distraction, to take her mind off that case. It was a strangely sunny day even though winter was already there. A thick cloak of snow unraveled over the park’s alleys and playing grounds, but that wasn’t an issue for the children or people walking around. Kids were building snowmen, were carrying out real snowball fights, rolling over in the snow, and the adults, well… some were brave enough to indulge themselves in snowball fights as well, while others simply enjoyed some hot chocolate near the arranged lake for ice skating.

We were slowly walking down an alley and as I peeked at Riley I noticed she was staring down at her boots sinking into the soft pristine snow. Her nose and cheeks were rosy from the chilly air. The two hanging tassels from her fur cap dangled on her chest at each step she took. She hugged her chest, hiding her gloved hands under her armpits, I assume to keep them warm.

_ ‘Are you cold?’ _ I tried to break the silence.

_ ‘Just my hands’ _ she replied without looking at me.

_ ‘Are you alright, miss Riley ? You’ve been very quiet since we left that woman’s house’ _

_ ‘I just can’t imagine how it must be for a mother to lose her child just like that and never know if he is still alive or not. When she explained how she’d rather have the certitude of his death rather than live her life not knowing what happened to him but him to be alive and well somewhere, I just… it’s so sad and… dark’ _

_ ‘Wouldn’t you feel the same way ? If you’d have to choose ?’ _

_ ‘I don’t know. It seems quite selfish to think that way. You just want peace of mind when you state you’d want to know your child is dead rather than live your life in incertitude but your child to be happy and safe somewhere’ _

_ ‘I suppose it is selfish, but what action of ours isn’t selfish ?’ _

_ ‘Really ? Do you really think we aren’t capable of being selfless ?’ _

_ ‘Yes’ _

I saw her moving her head away disappointed and didn’t say another word afterwards.

My phone rang quickly after that discussion and excusing myself I answered to Erin. As I was moving slightly away from her, I saw Riley continuing forward, until she stopped near the frozen lake. She was still hugging her chest and watched the people ice skating. Walking to a side, I had a better view over Riley, and I noticed her eyes glistering into the sun. She quickly wiped her cheeks and eyes with a hand and breathed in and out several times to calm down. Erin’s voice became distorted and inaudible as I watched Riley.

She was such a naive girl in some aspects. Too bad she couldn’t see how much that weakness affected the quality of her life, how much she suffers and will suffer because of it. Everytime reality hit her, everytime the humans’ cruel nature reared its head before her, that perfect and innocent bubble she was trying to live in would take another blow and shatter just to build itself up again not too late after that.

_ ‘Can’t we talk about this in person ? At home? Is it necessary to discuss it over the phone ?’  _ I cut Erin’s incoherent speech short.

_ ‘Are you too busy with that little girl to talk to your wife?’ _ I heard her mocking tone.

_ ‘Yes Erin, I’m working, I'm doing my best so we can have a better life’ _

_ ‘Is this about the fact that I’m not paid enough ? That you make more money than me and even that's not enough? Do you have to throw that to my face all the time ?’ _ she started to yell in my ear.

My eyes closed in desperation. We had this discussion a few times already, it became painfully exasperating to go through it again. I opened my eyes and saw Riley walking at a street vendor.

_ ‘You told me to quit my acting job, you said it was for the best and now you tell me we don’t have enough money ?’ _

_ ‘I did, yes. But I never expected to live with a child incapable of understanding we won’t be having as much money as before and I expected you to be mindful about expenses, but-’ _

_ ‘I need stuff. I can’t attend my events in the clothes I have, it’s embarrassing. You wouldn't get it-’ _

_ ‘Can we talk about it tonight ?’ _

_ ‘I’m tired of discussing this over and over’ _

_ ‘That makes two of us Erin, I can’t keep telling you to be a responsible adult. I’m doing the best I can for us, but you keep criticizing me and my job-’ _

_ ‘Because your job is-’ _

I hung up on her. I couldn’t hear her again bashing at my work and how I’m not doing enough for her to live the glamorous life she was used to. It pained me, not just because she was hurting my self-esteem, but because I did love her and I did want her to be happy and have everything she wanted.

Riley was digging deeper into her backpack, trying to scavenge for some extra dimes. I drew closer to the hot dog cart where she was and took out my wallet. She looked at me embarrassed trying to stop me, but I took out a 10$ bill and handed it to the vendor.

_ ‘Would you like one, sir ?’  _ the man asked me.

_ ‘No, just keep the change’  _ I raised my hand to stop him.

She grabbed her hot dog and we walked back at the lake to sit down on a bench. She let the hot dog in her lap and moved her head towards me.

_ ‘Why did you do that ? If you don’t believe in people doing selfless acts ? What’s your reasoning?’ _

_ ‘It made me feel good, like a hero’ _ I smirked and let my head fall back as I stared at the clear sky.

_ ‘Right’ _ she looked down and took a bite of her hot dog  _ ‘I’ll give you the money back tomorrow morning’ _

_ ‘There’s no need to. It’s my treat’ _

_ ‘What for ? Just because you want to feel good about yourself ?’ _

_ ‘You earned it. You did good on that interview’ _ I slouched over my knees and looked forward at the skating people.

_ ‘I thought you’d be disappointed in me’  _ she gently took a second bite.

_ ‘Why would you think that ?’ _ my head moved to a side to steal a glimpse of her trying to fit the big sandwich in her small mouth, she was hilarious.

She lowered the hot dog back in her lap nervously when she noticed I was looking at her.

_ ‘Because I got emotional, because I’m not as cold and calculated as you are and you see me as weak and probably pathetic’ _ she gave me a lifeless smile.

With a deep breath I hovered my eyes over her figure for a split second and then turned my head around to look at my left side. I sat silent for quite a while hearing only the low chewing sounds of hers. She was right. I was disappointed in her, I did find it annoying and unpleasant to witness her getting so sensitive, that she was being so kind, so loving, so empathetic towards people’s pain. I hated it. My look landed on a little girl sharing a cotton candy with her mother and father.

_ ‘You’ll grow up’ _

_ ‘I’ve always been like this’  _ her voice returned as she finished swallowing.

_ ‘In that case’ _ I looked back at her  _ ‘That’s who you are’ _

_ ‘A fool’ _ she completed.

_ ‘Maybe you’re better than me the way you are’ _ I looked down and kicked the snow around my boots under the bench.

_ ‘You don’t really believe that’ _ Riley brought the hot dog to her mouth and paused for a moment before biting on it.

My lips stretched into a subtle smile, but I didn’t say a word. What did she know ? Nothing… better that way anyway.

_ ‘You shouldn’t loiter on that thought’ _

_ ‘What thought ?’ _ she followed quickly.

_ ‘On emotions, let them drive you, distract you-’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I get it’ _ she interrupted me  _ ‘You think it’s stupid and foolish’ _

_ ‘Because we’re very close to ending this and you did such a great job, that you should keep in mind the end goal, not linger on the actual pain and suffering of those involved. In fact, use those to drive you further on. Think about the happiness and satisfaction you’ll get once you’ve closed this case’ _

Riley’s eyes opened wider to my words and she almost choked on her food. Her plump cheeks from her last generous bite made her look like a little hamster. 

_ ‘I’m anything but disappointed in you, miss Riley’ _

_ ‘How can you make people feel stupid and vulnerable and then lift them up so easily, I will never understand’ _ she smiled at me happily to accept my compliments.

_ 'Do you feel better?' _

_ 'Is this why you gave me that uplifting speech? To make me feel good so we can move on?' _

In reality, I did want her to have a clear mind and function at her full performance, because she was really good and I didn’t want to jeopardize that case when we were so close. But… it also bothered me to see her down. Perhaps because I've always seen her cheerful and happy, it was unnatural to see her sad.

_ ‘Does the end goal of your work help you keep so reserved during a case or interviews ?’ _

_ ‘No, that’s just who I am’  _ I stood up and continued  _ ‘Should we head to the police station ?’ _

_ ‘Yes’  _ she sat up as well and thanked me for giving her some time to collect herself before moving on with our job.

The time surely passed faster than I wanted and before I’d know Riley's internship was coming to an end and so was the case we were working on. We chased down a lot of people, neighbors of the missing teenagers, their families and pretty much everything pointed at that SUV driver. To spoil the ending, yes, the man was indeed a human trafficker and the one who kidnapped those two boys. He lured them with promises of very well paid jobs with little effort and then he sold them to high bidders to be used in whatever way the new owners saw fit. We worked closely with the police on the case and brought down the man's entire business. We also found the two teenagers and brought them back to their families.

Their stories were too sad to put them in words and I wouldn’t even bother to do so, because I couldn't describe or bring justice to their pain and misery. Actually I could do it, but I didn’t want to. That’s where Riley excelled.

For Riley, this case was very important, it helped her ramp up in the business and she realized how much this will weigh to her Bachelor’s degree. But it became so very personal because she was emotionally invested. If I never hear her again thanking me and praising me for everything I offered, it will be too soon.

This work brought both of us a lot of exposure, renown and respect, especially from the townspeople, but the police were also grateful for our help. They even went live, on camera, and admitted that without our help, they would've still been in a deadlock. The detective in charge said that our passion and determination are the true virtues of justice and that we should all, as a community develop those and nurture them so we can all fight crime.

He was right. When people keep quiet, hide information from the police, a killer can slip away forever. I should know better.

Those three months working with this girl were probably the best moments of my life. Yes, I include here even the good times with my Erin. The closer Riley's last day at the gazette got, the sadder I felt. I liked her. I enjoyed her presence in my life and how much fun we had. I'll be honest here and say that I missed her before her internship ended. 

The mornings when we were debating on how we should write an article, the afternoons at lunch when we were finally coming to terms and agreed on something, the way she was constantly asking me questions in order to learn, her intrusiveness, courage, keen eyes, her intelligence… I was going to miss it all. And last, but not least… her pure, sincerest smile. That smile which enlightened my darkest days at work, that smile which several times reminded me of my own, lost innocence. The way she looked up at me. That look… which I've never seen before. 

She was… a friend. I've never had one, but her friendship made up for all my missing years of having someone to share a passion with, or… emotions. As you've already seen, I opened up to her faster than I did with anyone else. And that's because she seemed to have seen right through my mask, past my sad eyes.

In the last few days though, I grew colder towards her, I tried to be detached, to avoid spending a lot of time together, I tried to get less work, so she wouldn't be shadowing me. Somehow I made it worse than I believed it would be. 

Because she's been a part of our team for those three months and everyone loved her at the gazette, she was invited to our annual New Year's Eve party. Not just because she deserved it for all the good work she has done and the fact she had her name known in the media with the case we've been involved in, but because the chief editor had a surprise for her and he wanted me to give her the good news when the clock hit 12 am.

Her contract ended on the 20th of December and I haven't seen her since then. She was deeply invested in her thesis, with her college stuff, she couldn't visit the gazette nor did she have a reason to, I suppose. She did text me a few times since then, but I usually replied in a very formal, professional way that she never got back to me. Sometimes I wouldn't reply at all. In hindsight, I think I did it solely to protect myself.

When 31st of December came, I was slightly nervous about it, because I knew I'd see her again and feel happy, but at the same time I couldn't wait to see her smile.

I drove to the restaurant in a merciless blizzard. Winter was in its peak and an insensitive mistress to people's needs on that special night. Upon my arrival, I first checked-in my coat and then entered the large ballroom.

There was a huge Christmas tree at the back of the room, next to a big stage where some band played some good old jazz songs. I didn't like the bright, colorful lights, the tree, the ornaments and that persistent smell of apples and cinnamon, but the music was seducing me. 

As I walked around the crowd, several colleagues of mine saluted me and shook my hand, still praising my work at the closed case. I smiled to everyone till my face muscles hurt and I tried to escape that as fast as possible. I stopped at the bar in the center of the ballroom and ordered myself some whiskey. As I sat down at the counter, my hand fell down on my right thigh and I felt the papers in my pocket. That reminded me of her. 

Huh, who was I kidding? I didn't need that to remind me of her. I was thinking about her the whole day and when my eyes scoured the crowd and stopped on her figure, I felt this annoying gap in my stomach.

She was laughing with the chief editor and some of my fellow colleagues from advertising and printing. She wore a black, strapless, satin dress tightly snugging her small frame with a pair of matching heels. The dress stopped two palms above her knees. Her dusty golden hair was tied into a simple ponytail. Even for that special occasion, she didn't opt for dramatic make-up. The peachy eyeshadow blended perfectly with her skin and the only thing enhancing her striking gaze was the black eyeliner and mascara. Her lips were glowing into the bright lights in a sheer nude color.

When she met my eyes, her entire face lit up. She seemed to have excused herself and rushed through the sea of people. I sat up to greet her, but she threw herself quickly around my neck, squeezing me in a friendly embrace. I gently wrapped my arms around her small torso.

_ 'Mr. Johnson, I missed you sooo much' _ she mumbled in my chest.

_ 'Miss Riley, you look very beautiful tonight' _ I said trying to ignore her statement and avoid being dragged into it.

_ 'Oh please'  _ she pulled away and gave me that smile I was waiting for  _ 'I was just telling them how much I loved working with you and that they should definitely give you a raise or a promotion' _ she pointed behind at the chief editor who was raising a glass to us.

I exchanged a quick serious look with him. We knew something she didn't, but we wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

Riley's eyes returned on my face and she gave me another wide smile.

_ 'Buy me a drink?' _ she joked as she sat down at the bar.

I smiled and taking back my seat, I continued enjoying my drink. I remember she ordered what I had, but barely sipped from it. She was never accustomed with spirits, neither could she handle her alcohol.

_ 'How you've been, sir? You didn't answer my last message. I hope I wasn't bothering you, I just wanted to see how you were, what you've been working on' _

_ 'I'm good' _ I lied.

Things weren't as good as they used to be with Erin, but we'll get there.

_ 'I miss the gazette, the people, the thrill of our work… you' _ she said with a sad tone.

She expected me to say it was a mutual feeling, I could tell by her hopeful stare, but I didn't want to say it out loud. However, she wasn't going to accept my ignorance, so she asked me directly:

_ 'Do you miss me? Us, working?'  _

I taught her well. She pursued her goals now, chased down her desires instead of waiting for them to happen.

_ 'I do' _ I gave her a weak smile and took a mouthful of my drink. 

_ 'What do you miss the most?' _

I looked at her and she gave me this mischievous smirk. She got so good at her trade.

_ 'I miss these annoying questions of yours. I have no one to bother me now' _

_ 'Is that what I was for you? A burden?' _

_ 'Are you trying to fish for compliments, miss Riley?' _

_ 'Maybe' _ she laughed and tried to take another sip of her drink, but stopped immediately with a grimace on her face.

_ 'I miss having my coffee already waiting for me' _

_ 'Wow, I almost forgot how you were'  _ she puckered her lips in a cute displeased way.

I exhaled defeated and played with my glass before looking at her. 

_ 'I missed your smile. It really lightened up that gloomy office' _

_ 'That’s more like it’  _ she looked at me happily and continued  _ ‘Would you dance with me?' _

_ 'Sure'  _ I got up and allowed her to walk before me.

Finding our way through the crowd and a free spot for us to join the other dancing couples proved to be a hard task. Everyone was mostly on the dancing floor and they were talking loudly, laughing, moving left and right, forever shifting their positions. 

I quickly veered to the left and grabbed her waist, pulling her closer in a gentle manner. I took notice of her surprised look. 

_ ‘This will have to do, there’s no other better place’ _ I justified my sudden action.

_ ‘Very well, sir’ _ she slowly placed her right palm into my hand and wrapped her left arm around my neck, staring passionately at me. 

Her head fell for a while onto my chest and she sat there as we slowly moved in tandem with the mellow, gentle rhythm of the melody.

Unlike the others, we didn’t try to talk, instead we danced the entire song without sharing a thought. It felt… peaceful. When we stopped, she slightly pulled away to take a better look at me and for some reason she thanked me. I didn't ask her why. I just smiled unknowingly of her intentions or thoughts.

We spent the following couple of hours on some lounges talking, sharing ideas and knowledge. Closer to midnight, when we got up to walk in the center of the ballroom for the count down, I saw the chief editor walking towards us, sneakily tapping his watch at his left wrist and giving me a quick nod without allowing Riley to notice his action. He was in the company of some other people when he walked by us. I knew I had to give her the news and I was ready to do it when I heard my boss yelling at us:

_ ‘I believe you’re both standing under mistletoe’ _ he pointed above with a grin on his chubby face.

_ ‘And ?’  _ I asked unimpressed  _ ‘There’s mistletoe hanging all over the place’ _

_ ‘It’s the tradition. I didn’t say to french it’ _ the man laughed and continued on his way with the rest of his party.

As I returned my attention on Riley, I noticed she was holding her left forearm and stared down abashed. Stray locks from her messy ponytail fell down on her bare shoulders, gracefully caressing her exposed neck. The long bangs and couple of fringes on both sides of her head framed her face perfectly. She looked up at me slowly and gave me a polite smile.

_ ‘I hope that didn’t bother you sir, it was totally inappropriate for him to say that, knowing you’re a married man and-’ _

_ ‘It’s an innocent, meaningless tradition’ _ I returned her smile and leaned my face over hers.

She paralized and her eyes gapped back at me. She blinked spasmodically and her small mouth opened shyly. I could hear her intensified breathing. Before I met her wet, sticky lips and silence her, I heard her rushed whisper:

_ ‘Mr. Johnson’ _

I gently pressed against her lips and I could smell and taste the chocolate from her lipstick. Though the aroma corrupted me, I didn’t linger so I pulled away quickly. I barely moved a couple of inches from her mouth when she resumed that one thought I shamelessly interrupted.

_ ‘I love you’ _

_ ‘10, 9, 8, 7, 6…’  _ I could hear the count down in the back of my head and everyone cheering  _ ‘ -3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!’  _ they all yelled at union and kissed the partner next to them while me and Riley sat silently, staring in each other’s eyes.

If your heart skipped a beat at those words, that makes two of us. I didn’t know how to respond to that without insulting or breaking her heart. Especially when she threw those words after our harmless kiss. My lips parted to say something, although I had no idea what I was going to say, but she stopped me. Lucky me!

_ ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s really late and perhaps I had too much of that drink' _ fine wrinkles gathered at the corner of her eyes as she gave me a cheeky smile  _ ‘I should be going home’ _

Of course she wasn’t drunk, neither tipsy. I knew that, but I allowed her that excuse so she could feel less embarrassed.

_ ‘At least let me take you home’ _ I leaned over her ear trying to cover the loud music, people’s cheering and the powerful fireworks outside the restaurant.

_ ‘No, I don’t want to bother you, you should enjoy the rest of the party. I can get a cab’  _ she kept shaking her head without looking at me.

_ ‘Do you take me as a party person ?’ _ I chuckled  _ ‘I’d feel better to know you got home safe’ _

She gave me a weak nod and we both went to the lobby of the restaurant. We claimed our coats and walked outside. 

The cold, chilly wind hit our faces harshly. A dense smoke slowly fell over us as the fireworks still lit up the night sky. The strong smell of sulfur from all those firecrackers overwhelmed our nostrils. People outside, from both our party and other companies sharing different saloons of the same restaurant, were shouting at each other, hugging or kissing, most of them being too drunk to even remember who they kissed or did. 

There was a fresh layer of snow covering the pavement in front of the restaurant and knowing Riley was wearing heels, I helped her cross it to get to my car.

As you probably imagine, the whole ride to her apartment was painfully awkward. There was this silence which said more than words could’ve done. There were these quick glimpses and mild simpers we’d throw from time to time at each other. In my head I kept hearing her saying those words over and over and I still couldn’t understand… Why ? It wasn’t supposed to be like that. It was supposed to be a crush and nothing more. I stopped the car at a red light and turned my face at her.

She looked back at me and with the sincerest smile, she began:

_ ‘We should probably talk about that’ _

_ ‘You think ?’ _

_ ‘I know it’s not fair what I said back there, I know it’s selfish and wrong. I just lost my mind in the moment with the kiss, the reunion with you and… everything. I don’t know what got into me, please forgive my impulse’ _

_ ‘Miss Riley, you’re a beautiful woman, intelligent, humble and caring, you possess everything a man should value and desire in a woman’ _

_ ‘But ?’ _

_ ‘You know the but’ _ I looked back at her.

_ ‘You’re married’ _ she mumbled unhappy.

_ ‘No, that’s not it. I love her. I love my wife, that’s the but’ _

_ ‘That makes you even more desirable’ _ she looked away.

_ ‘I can imagine’  _ my lips stretched into a sneer.

We took another long pause. I have no idea what she was thinking, though I saw her countless times peeking at me, but I had my own concerns after I heard her saying that. She ruined it all.

I drove for about 5 more miles and pulled over near a tall apartment building. I had enough time to think about my speech and I was ready to roll it out. But, she wasn’t that same shy girl who crossed our gazette’s doors and she started proactively:

_ ‘Do you remember, in my very first days you told me that I could never sell a story or make people believe something I’m saying if I never experienced that emotion before ?’ _

I nodded.

_ ‘Well, you were right. All we need is experience and courage. Courage to steal opportunities, courage to seize the chance in front of us. Be that good or bad. Well, I suppose one reason for which I might’ve told you that tonight would be that I knew we'll never see each other again and-' _

_ ‘That’s not entirely-’ _ I tried to jump in and give her my speech but she cut me short again.

_ ‘And I don’t care about anything else but experience and seizing opportunities’ _

_ ‘What ?’ _

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her words, yet she  unexpectedly  yanked my tie and pulled me over her. I barely had time to discern what happened until I could taste that delicious, addicting, liquid chocolate on her lips again, though that time she didn’t settle for a mere peck over my mouth... no. In a split second I could feel her curious, adventurous and impertinent tongue invading my mouth, trying to explore and discover every inch of it in those few seconds she could steal from me before I pulled away.

_ ‘You should be proud of me, I would’ve never done that if it wasn’t for you sir’  _

Searching my front pocket, I retrieved the white envelope and handed it to her. Her face quickly turned serious as she grabbed it and removed the pages from it. She started reading them and her serious look turned slowly into a concerned one, then an embarrassed one. She turned at me.

_ ‘What is this ?’ _

_ ‘A full time contract. The chief editor pulled some strings and earned you a permanent position at the gazette’ _

_ ‘This is a joke, right ? It’s not funny’ _ she choked on her words.

_ ‘I tried to tell you about it, but you quickly jumped on your high horse, so sure you could make a fool of yourself because you'd never return at our office, that you couldn’t wait a few more seconds before sticking your tongue down my throat like a frenzied eel’ _

_ ‘I don’t know what to say’ _ she stared at the papers.

_ ‘I was very eager to give you this tonight, before I heard you telling me you love me. At that moment, you helped me make up my mind on a decision I wasn't so sure yet of taking it’ _

_ ‘What are you talking about ?’  _ she shook her head confused.

_ 'Last Friday I went for an interview at the Roseville gazette and they told me they wanted me in their team after a few minutes into the interview. I was asked to give them my answer by the end of this week, but for some reason I wasn't yet certain I should leave this job. And the reason for that… was you. Because the chief editor told me they want you here and I started having second thoughts about Roseville gazette at that moment' _

_ 'Sir-'  _ she whispered in awe.

_ 'Your decision doesn't matter anymore anyway. You ruined it tonight. From my part you can accept it or refuse it, it’s pretty much the same. I won’t be working with you anyway’ _

_ ‘Mr. Johnson’ _ she let the contract in her lap saddened  _ ‘Please don’t say that. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I want to work with you more than anything. I learned so much in these three months. Let me prove to you-’ _

_ ‘You proved enough, miss Riley’ _ I unlocked the car’s doors ‘ _ And... I am proud of you, but keep in mind not everyone will put up with your impulses and it won’t always end in a happy ending for you. There will be times when you’ll suffer unpleasant consequences’ _

_ ‘Like now’  _ she pointed out.

_ ‘Like now’ _ I echoed abruptly  _ ‘Farewell, miss Riley’ _

She folded back the contract and put it back in the envelope. With tears in her eyes she faced me and gently placed it back on my right thigh.

_ ‘I won’t accept a job someplace where I lost a friend. I value your friendship more than this permanent job, more than the money, more than the experience I’d gain before I even graduate college. You are priceless to me, Mr. Johnson’ _

Priceless ? I can’t remember one person in my entire life saying something like that to me.

I watched her get out of the car. She carefully avoided the thicker patches of snow and holding the metal railing along the small set of stairs to her apartment building, she slowly stepped on the icy concrete blocks. Before entering the building, she threw one last look at me. Her smile told me it was the last time I’d see it, her kiss still persisted on my lips like a stamp wearing the smell of hot chocolate. A smell which rooted so deeply in my mind that whenever I’d sniff the faintest scent of chocolate I’d remember her devilish kiss. 

That damn girl… as she disappeared behind the door I allowed myself a smile. It wasn’t the last time though… for neither of us.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of a new life for Danny. He finally became Ghost Face.
> 
> From this Chapter forth, we'll be following his crime life. Enjoy reading and don't forget to Subscribe/Bookmark to stay updated and leave a friendly Kudo if you loved the story. 
> 
> Cheers guys!

By the moment I started working for the Roseville gazette, my relationship with Erin fell under a rough patch. Once she used to worship me and my passion, then it slowly went from that to a continuous critique and scolding. She refused to talk when something went wrong or was bothered by something. We argued before on that matter, even prior to Riley’s last days at the gazette, but lately it got so bad, she’d stay out, wouldn’t come home and refused to talk to me. She was driving me insane and I barely had the patience or energy to deal with that as I was still adjusting to my new job.

I knew something was off and it wasn’t just my obsessive paranoia, however, considering her attitude wasn’t consistent enough to cause me persistent trouble, I brushed it off until we had  **_the_ ** talk. 

It hit both my self-esteem and my trust. The hints I got, my hunches over what got into her merciless soul proved to be right, I just couldn’t believe it. Why would she do that ? What was she missing ? Was I not good enough ? Was I not perfect ? I gave her everything I could, I saved her from a miserable, unhappy life, I was her hero. I… was… perfect.

Before that particular night, I had been with the Roseville Gazette for five months already. I built my reputation, people were trusting me, were admiring me, just as my former colleagues at the previous job did. Two months before Erin’s betrayal, I received a request from my former protegee, Riley. We haven't spoken or seen each other since that New Year’s Eve party. She needed a recommendation letter for the job at the newspaper she applied to. The chief editor and I wrote them and sent them via e-mail to her employer. After that brief back and forth messaging with Riley, we were to meet again only after that big fight with Erin and the divorce.

I still keep a vivid memory of that night and the morning after. Her shaming, the humiliation, I still hear her words loudly in my mind, bashing at me and my work. The hate and spite she mustered within for so long, the despise and unsatisfied life she told me I sentenced her to. A life of unhappiness, modesty and loneliness because she couldn’t attend her fancy events with her fellow colleagues. 

Oh, and how many words I haven’t heard from her, none of which carried the faintest tint of recognition or gratitude for what I did for her. She really thought she could get away with that by blaming me for her miserable life and her bad decisions. I couldn’t let it go like that. Not only because I didn’t buy her story, but because she couldn’t have changed her mind over the span of a few months when she used to worship me, when she used to sit down next to me as I was writing my articles and she would kiss my neck and cheeks and read them out loud proudly. No one goes from that to this, without a serious motive, and that reason, clearly wasn’t me. 

Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t some idiot who she could fool with that kind of behavior. I knew what was wrong, I suspected that much, I just didn’t want to believe it was true, but when I noticed our situation became serious, I had to prove to her and myself I was right. That she was indeed just a heartless whore. 

I learned it had nothing to do with my worth, it had to do with her materialistic nature and to excuse her promiscuous behavior she had to bash at me. She had to find me guilty so she could feel better about the fact she did something inexcusable and unforgivable. I have that night imprinted in my head as fresh as if it happened just seconds ago. The whole drama, the tears, the crying, the yells, the criticism, her trying to make that whole thing about me. She voiced out over and over how displeased she was with her current situation, that she couldn’t be happy with me, because apparently I wasn’t good enough for her. Apparently I was missing something… the money and social status, which she always craved for. And what did I do that night ?

Believe it or not, I tried to keep that selfish whore next to me, I tried to convince myself she wasn’t that disgusting person I suddenly saw. I refused to believe she really thought those things about me. Was it because I loved her that much ? Or was it simply because I felt humiliated ? I can’t even tell anymore… But I do know I could not accept her blaming and the disgrace she threw at me. There had to be a reason she said all those hateful things. And there was-

Sitting down at the table in the kitchen I was reading the newspaper. My lips twisted in a displeased way at the columns I read. The journalist who wrote that particular article had a very bad taste in stories and lacked the skill to bring them to life for the public.

I folded the paper and tossed it on the counter behind me with an annoyed sigh. The coffee before my eyes went cold after reading the same paragraphs over and over. As I watched hypnotized at the dark liquid in the small porcelain cup, slow steps on the hallway caught my attention. Erin was hopping on her right foot as she tried adjusting the other shoe in the left foot. For a split second she lost her balance but managed to quickly grip the frame of the door and gasped relieved. My eyes climbed up on her dark long hair. The green dress she was wearing made her pop out wherever she went. She would steal all glances in a room full of people. She was that beautiful. 

And, well, you know the rest of the story. In my pointless attempts to discuss the whole argument from the night before, and sit down like two adults, trying to figure it out, Erin chose to continue her crusade against me until, with an angered, yet trembling voice, she removed her wedding ring and placed it on the small table in the hallway. She asked for a divorce and left the apartment.

I suddenly felt alone, abandoned and lost… for the second time in my life. Walking back in the kitchen, I grabbed my cup of cold coffee and poured it in the sink. What happened next… I call it my awakening. In a moment of distraction as I was wiping a lost drop of sweat from my brow, my eyes stole a quick glimpse of the front page of the newspaper. I got so captivated by what I was seeing, that I cut my finger with the knife I was using to slice me up an apple. As if I was in a trance, I placed the knife back on the counter and cleaned the blood on my tongue. The front page was covering a murder story I didn't read yet.

And so… I got reborn. I was a new man. Ghost Face came to life.

After following Erin around a couple of days later, I learned the truth. As I was sitting in my car, I saw her getting out of an expensive car and the driver joined her in the hotel in front of which they parked. An immense ache seized me. My whole body tensed, my hands squeezed the steering wheel until it hurt my bones, my stomach twisted in knots, my mind was racing. I could see them, picture them walking around the hotel, to the elevator, how they’d start their prelude inside the cabin, how they entered the room. I could even hear the moans of her pleasure, calling for a different name that time… an unknown name bouncing in the back of my head.

I had mental pictures, so graphic, it disgusted and tortured me, yet I couldn’t stop them. I wanted to witness them, I wanted to fabricate these short films in my head so I could hate her. The sickening thoughts brought me on the verge of insanity, but I did not let them go. I sat there, clinging to the whole ordeal until one hour later they got out of the hotel, Erin wearing a new dress, very elegant and flashy. They jumped back in his car and drove off.

At that fancy event where I ended my chase, I met my first opportunity. My first kill… well, double homicide.

And so, days if not weeks after that, when Erin came to get her stuff from my apartment, I confronted her. She had the nerve and audacity to try one more time to blame me for her actions, but little did she know I was a different man… or perhaps I was finally myself. I cornered her, I called her bluff, I told her I knew the truth, I finally called her by her real name. What she really was. I humiliated her the same way she humiliated me. Sitting trapped between my arms, pinned against our bedroom door, she never felt so vulnerable before. I could feel her entire body trembling not only in shame, but fear… Oh, how much I loved that look. 

I barely scratched the surface of my new found addiction. 

_ ‘Is it because you feel guilty ? It must’ve been really hard for you to wake up one day and tell me you’re sick of me and embarrassed with me _ ’ I noticed her sobbing intensified.

‘ _ Don’t- _ ’ she looked down but I forced her to face me.

_ ‘Sh, sh-’ _ I caressed her cheeks  _ ‘I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you to tell me what a bad and irresponsible husband I was for you. How ashamed of your life you were when you were meeting with your friends at those ...social events you were attending so very often lately. I can only imagine how painful it was for you to look me in the eyes and tell me what a failure I am when one year ago today, you told me how proud you were of me. Just as hard as sending the divorce papers over a courier instead of handing them yourself’ _

_ ‘Don’t do this to me _ ’ she cried, trying to get away when I grabbed her again and pinned her against the wall.

_ ‘If I ever appreciated something in people… it was honesty and possessing a backbone. You had none. I still have no idea what was that led me to you, what ensnared me, but I suppose it was your beauty _ ’ I traced her face and red lips.

_ ‘Let me go, Danny’ _ she begged.

_ ‘I will’ _ I softly whispered _ ‘I just wanted one thing from you before parting our ways for good’ _

_ ‘Danny’  _ Erin saw my hand moving down her belly and looked frantically at it.

_ ‘I wish you’d have the guts that day to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth’ _ my tone was calmer than she expected.

‘ _ W-what?’ _ she stammered.

_ ‘Instead of blaming me and my work, instead of hurting me, pissing all over my self-worth… I wish you’d look me dead in the eyes and tell me-’ _ I gently caught her chin and we shared an intense look  _ ‘Danny, I found another cock to ride. One that can provide expensive clothes, shoes, life and social status. I would’ve had more respect for you… my dear… sweet, little bird’ _ I kissed her forehead and Erin burst into a heavy sobbing.

_ ‘Danny’  _ she tried to speak but her sobs wouldn’t let her breathe  _ ‘I-I …’ _

Pressing one finger on her lips, I stopped her embarrassment  _ ‘Your words are pointless now’ _

_ ‘I’m so sorry’ _ she cried, already ruining her make-up and the white shirt.

_ ‘I trusted you’ _ I continued  _ ‘And I would’ve done everything for you. I’d kill for you. You knew that, you knew how much I’d sacrifice for you, but you couldn’t offer me the privilege of knowing the truth. Instead, you insulted my intelligence.’  _ I paused and smiled at her  _ ‘I’m not as stupid as you may believe. You could’ve at least granted me the same respect I offered, but you tried to break me, to make me question my work, my skills, my life choices… and why ? Because you didn’t want to admit you’ve been a lying, cheating whore lusting richness’ _ my voice slowly turned darker and my grasp tightened around her arms.

_ ‘Danny, stop’ _ she gasped, shaking in my arms.

‘ _ Are you afraid of me? _ ’ I asked, surprised to see her quivering and dodging my touches.

_ ‘You’re hurting me _ ’ she tried to escape from my iron grips but before I let her go, I squeezed her arms harder.

_ ‘I would never hurt you’ _ I released her and gently stroked her neck and collarbone feeling that familiar self-loathing starting gnawing at my mind ‘ _ I love you, little bird. I love you so much that... I hate myself for feeling this way’ _

And so, I could finally end it, at least I thought I ended it. I was never so wrong before.

My life began shortly after that day and it only got better as time passed by. I thought that first double homicide would terrify me, change me, scare me, I guess I liked to believe I was a different man, but oddly enough… I never felt so much freedom, that liberation when those attached strings were finally cut loose. 

I thought I’ll get sick, you know, like those first timers you see in movies ? I wasn’t. Perhaps because I was so accustomed to the image of blood and wounds and its smell since I was a little boy.

I thought I'd instantly feel remorse or come back to my senses, but my senses were never lost nor were they ever so sharp like that night.

I thought I’d stop it, but that raw, primal power, the thrilling feeling of having life struggling at the other end of the blade drugged me, captivated me… and the hate and revenge mustering within me drove me further on. I made myself a living legend, a terrifying ghost story in that town. As Jed Olsen, I paid tributes to myself whenever Ghost Face was striking back. I brought to life a nightmare, one that people feared yet couldn’t stop thinking or talking about, making me ever so proud to hear both my names sitting on their lips. My mask would always make the front pages of any newspaper, TV News channel or online media.

Another detective, a colleague of the one with whom me and Riley worked before, contacted me when he noticed how much I understood Ghost Face and how I could slowly hint at the serial killer’s Modus Operandi. He requested Roseville gazette to allow me to be a consultant in that case. And that’s how I officially got assigned to the Ghost Face case, working closely with the police, always having the inside intel, being called at each of my crime scenes to take pictures, sent to my victims’ families for interviews and advising them wherever they saw fit. 

They had no idea they brought their enemy amidst them and they had no idea how much power they willingly granted me, to ‘ _ a simple and modest journalist’ _ to quote a few of them. For them, I wasn’t someone to be afraid of, I posed no threat or danger for being so close to the case. Fools… that irony was deliciously feeding my twisted ego. 

My name got so tightly tied to the Ghost Face killer, that no person could use them separately. They somehow became synonyms. If someone spoke about Jed Olsen, they’d have to mention Ghost Face and vice versa. The respect and prestigious treatment I received from my current and previous workplaces, got me a highly regarded position within the police ranks and the Roseville town. 

One evening, as I was attending a journalism conference, I was reading a police statement in the newspaper that I bought from the kiosk outside the conference hall. I folded the paper in half to isolate the article and slowly walked around the rows of chairs facing the main stage, before taking a seat.

_ ‘The official police reports clearly state that the victims seemed to be chosen at random, ranging from young to old, however the killer always seemed to know his way around in their houses. The multiple stab wounds found on most of his victims, though not all of them, indicated a personal motive.  _

_ To this moment, no traces of DNA were found on any of the crime scenes, proving once again that the killer is meticulously planning and carrying his attacks. The local police are confounded and in great impasse as the murders were carried with rage akin to a crime of passion yet coldly premeditated. This, in addition to the killer’s choice for his victims and his inconsistent killing technique proved to create difficulties for the detectives to establish a proper profile and MO for Ghost Face’ _

I rolled the paper with a subtle smile and joined the other attendees in applauding the host of the event. For a couple of hours, the host and his guests talked and babbled about the new online era and how that is changing the Journalism world, what a powerful political tool it has become and much more. My attention dimmed down almost to nothing and as I got less and less interested in what I was hearing on stage, figuring I was interested in the first place, my eyes started to wander around the crowd. I could recognize some of my peers from other publications, as well as outsiders, and then I finally saw her.

Curiously, a blood rush sneaked up my temples and stomach as I noticed her on the opposite rows of chairs. She was intently listening and taking some notes. I almost forgot how passionate she was about her work. She cut her hair since the last time we’ve seen each other. She was sporting a medium, messy bob now, though she didn’t give up to her bangs. I could tell how much she cared for the event, by the way she dressed for it. She wore a pair of black skinny jeans with a see through white shirt over which she wore a black jacket. All that almost in the middle of the summer... it must’ve been a pain for her. I watched her for several minutes, and as the conference was close to an end, the speaker suddenly invited everyone to look around at how many people that event and that same passion which we share has brought in that room. 

At that moment, as Riley’s head moved to her left, our eyes locked and we shared a prolonged gaze. I could tell she wasn’t sure how to react considering how we left our relationship more than a half of a year ago, but she couldn’t quite hide her excitement and surprise. Her lips stretched into a mild smile and her left hand reluctantly raised to give me a shy wave. I simply nodded at her and returned a smile which I think helped her feel better.

Once we all got up to give our final applause to the hosts and guests, I could see Riley growing restless to come to me because she was constantly looking at my direction as if she tried not to lose sight of me. Afterwards, the host invited us all to join the after party in the main ballroom, but I wasn’t in the mood for it, nor was that my plan for that night. I went back to the lobby when I felt my arm being pulled backwards.

_ ‘Mr. Johnson’ _ her low voice betrayed her still unsure attitude towards me  _ ‘A-aren’t you joining the party?’  _ she stammered for a second.

_ ‘Miss Riley, pleased to see you again’ _ I shook her hand and leaned over her face to give her a gentle peck on her left cheek _ ‘That’s how you properly greet an old friend’ _

Her pale face suddenly gained a bright color as blood rushed in her cheeks. She chuckled embarrassed and avoided my eyes as our interlocked hands slowly retreated.

_ ‘I’m sorry’ _ she squeezed her notepad to her chest  _ ‘I wasn’t sure how to- well, you know. We didn’t leave our friendship in good terms’ _

_ ‘Didn’t we ?’ _ I narrowed my eyes pretending confused.

_ ‘I think it was quite obvious you were disappointed in me and-, honestly it really was a challenge for me to reach out to you for that recommendation letter. I was certain you’ll ignore me or worse… actually write it’ _

_ ‘And ? Were you right ?’ _

_ ‘No, not at all’ _ Riley looked down before looking back at me  _ ‘That last sentence you wrote in the letter, where you basically called my boss an idiot if he wouldn’t hire me proved me wrong’ _

_ ‘Glad you understood’ _

A short-lived pause offered us the necessary time to process the whole thing. We looked in each other’s eyes as we wanted to say more, as if we wanted something more, but none of us said anything. Before it turned too awkward, Riley broke the silence:

_ ‘So, how you’ve been, sir ? I feel like we haven’t seen each other for an eternity’ _

Alright, I’ll admit it, the only reason that brought me to that event was Riley and you will know why very soon. I smirked and playfully replied.

_ ‘If I know you, and I think I do, you already have the answer to that question, don’t you ?’ _

_ ‘Holy shit, sir’  _ she suddenly dimmed her voice to a mere whisper which still carried her excitement in its tone  _ ‘Working on a serial killer case ? You’re my hero. Please, please tell me how it is. You’re working with the police again, I saw you on TV at the crime scenes. You’re practically living my dream’ _

_ ‘Weren’t you joining the party ?’ _ I gestured behind her as I took one step away.

_ ‘Fuck that’ _ she squealed and followed me out of the building.

I let myself slip out a genuine, content smile as I saw her coming after me. She walked by my side until I reached my car, then she stopped next to it when I walked around it to get on the driver’s seat. I opened the door and paused to look at her.

_ ‘Even Grinch has a heart and feelings’  _ I quoted her.

Riley’s unwary eyes fixed on me then she muttered in awe:

_ ‘You read my Ghost Face articles ?’ _

_ ‘I did’ _ my attention moved from her eyes to her neck, slowly slipping further down before it quickly darted back on her face.

_ 'And? What do you think?' _

_ ‘Let me give you a ride and we’ll talk more about it’  _ I entered my car and she unquestionably joined me.

Riley placed the notepad in her lap and took off her jacket before buckling up.

_ ‘Well?’  _ she turned towards me.

I squinted my eyes at her for a split second before returning my attention at the road.

_ 'I believe you try to humanize him' _

_ 'Yeah, so?'  _ Riley’s tone seemed surprised as if she didn’t understand why my comment seemed like a bad thing.

_ 'Why would you?' _

_ 'Well, your articles offer a great insight of Ghost Face's MO but honestly, that brings more panic and fear among people as you describe him and his actions, so I try to offer a different angle' _

_ 'By appending people's empathy? You want to make him a pitiful character?' _

_ 'I want to tell people he is still a human, not a monster. That he definitely is a lost soul and desperate for attention, for affection, that he is the product of our society'  _ she smiled at me as she poured out that load of crap.

I was starting to boil inside. She was ruining it all. I didn’t need people to pity me, I needed them to fear me, to be awed by my actions. I didn’t need their compassion…

_ 'I want us all to understand him and maybe convince him to seek help. I believe in the rehabilitation of criminals' _

_ 'You really see goodness even in a piece of shit' _ I spat the words spiteful, my self-loathing crippling my mind.

_ 'A harsh choice of words, but yes' _

_ 'He doesn't deserve this kind of attention'  _ I tried to convince her into giving up.

_ 'Why do you say so? Do you want to be the only one writing about him?' _

_ 'You've painted a target on your back with this' _

_ 'I don't think he will hurt me' _

_ 'Why not? Think about it, why do you believe he does that in the first place?'  _

_ 'Because he is sick'  _ she muttered in a serious tone as I stepped on the brakes to bring the car to a full stop.

I turned off the engine and then shifted in my seat to face her. I noticed her confused look, but I continued:

_ 'That goes without saying, but why does he do it so… publicly, showing himself on camera and that sort of thing ?' _

Riley looked around the street and at the dark park to her right, undoubtedly unable to recognize it. The scarce street lights barely gave her enough vision over the tall trees. She turned to me and answered:

_ 'He wants the attention I suppose. Why did we stop here ?'  _ she pointed behind.

_ 'And to be feared. Showing himself on camera, basically toying around with the police, taunting them, posing next to his dead victims, all that because he wants to instill fear and terror in people by showing how trivial those things seem to him, even amusing' _

_ 'Or maybe he is just a narcissist' _ Riley chuckled.

_ 'Just a little bit' _ I added with a smirk, then continued in a serious tone  _ 'Bottom line, if it would be me... I'd want you dead and out of my way' _

Riley’s breath cut shorter and she pushed her chest forward as her back stiffened, becoming visibly uncomfortable by my remark, yet she kept her poise.

_ 'Why? Because I showcase his weaknesses ?' _

_ 'Do you think such an individual would like that?' _

_ 'I think he does… somewhere, deep down' _

_ 'Miss Riley, stop messing with a serial killer. He will kill you' _

Her wry and tensed look slowly softened and with a mild chuckle she asked me:

_ 'Are you concerned for me, Mr. Johnson ?'  _

I gulped as I tried to guess the thoughts behind that smile of hers.

_ 'In all my honesty, I wouldn't want to see this smile of yours gone forever' _

She stared at me seriously. I couldn’t allow her to continue writing about me, she couldn't continue poking around. She was already painting Ghost Face in unfavorable colors to the world and I didn’t want her to offer pointers for a new profile. At least not that profile. She was slowly getting closer to something I didn’t like. 

_ ‘I think it is absolutely amazing what you write and how you do it’ _ she stopped and stared into my soul as if she realized something ‘ _ It’s like you’ve been in his mind, like you experienced those dreadful events-’ _

Those words raised serious concerns to me. My heart started to race, the blood rushing through my veins stabbed my temples. And then, like an epiphany, that Grinch quote she once used for me triggered my paranoia furthermore, and it suddenly gained a different meaning. Was she suspecting something ? Was she there because she knew I’d be there ? Was I outsmarted by her wits ? Did she see through my plan ? I couldn’t even tell if it was me or her hunting the other one. I was internally begging her not to go there, I really wanted her to stop snooping around. Her calm voice dragged me out of my internal monologue.

_ ‘I want to work with you again. I’d give anything to work together on this case’ _

_ ‘You do ?’  _ my voice came out somehow reserved.

_ ‘Even if that might cost my life’ _

My eyes narrowed, doubtful of her words and attitude. Where was that confidence of hers coming from ?

_ ‘You’d risk your own life just to work on the Ghost Face case ? Knowing he might already have pinned his attention on you and could silence you forever ?’ _

_ ‘Yes’  _ Riley quickly answered and with a satisfied smile she resumed  _ ‘You know why ?’ _

_ ‘Why ?’  _ I felt my arrogance and amusement trying to resurface but I humored her.

_ ‘Because you’ll be next to me and I know you’d never allow such a horrible thing to happen to me’ _

My  presumptuous  smirk vanished in a blink of an eye while Riley’s smile grew wider.

_ ‘Am I right ?’ _ she added due to my lack of feedback.

_ ‘Right’ _ I nodded and as I slowly ran my left hand through my hair in what I might describe as a worried and irritated gesture I heard Riley’s question.

_ ‘Why did we stop here again ?’ _ she tried to decipher the surroundings but on that poorly lit street we barely could distinguish the park to our right and some buildings behind it.

_ ‘What are you talking about ?’ _ my left elbow rested on the steering wheel and waved my hand confused  _ ‘Your apartment is on the other side of the park, isn’t it ?’ _

_ ‘Oh, really ?’ _ Riley turned in her seat and strained her eyes to look over the car’s window  _ ‘Oh, you’re right, I couldn’t tell where we were in this darkness. How come you didn’t stop in front of my building ?’ _ she faced me again.

_ ‘There’s a traffic jam due to an accident on that boulevard’ _ I lied.

_ ‘Really ?’ _ Riley looked again over the window clearly unconvinced  _ ‘I don’t remember hearing anything of that. So what now ? You’ll send me alone through the park in this pitch blackness ?’ _ she returned her eyes on me.

_ ‘Of course not’ _ I opened my door and got out of the car quickly followed by her.

She asked me to hold her notepad so she could put back on her jacket and as she struggled with finding the other sleeve I peeked a few times in her notepad. The latest pages were filled with information from our previous conference, but the pages before those contained several details and information on the Ghost Face case. I saw that name written over and over, I could steal quick glimpses of what seemed like a profile she was trying to create for the killer. What she wrote in that notepad seemed more like the work of a detective. 

_ ‘Hey, that’s private data’ _ she snatched it from my hands and gave me a scolding look.

_ ‘You’re quite caught in this serial killer case, aren’t you ?’ _

_ ‘Yes, I find it fascinating’ _ she squeezed the notepad again to her chest in a defending way  _ ‘Which is why I’d love to work with you’ _

_ ‘Then why are you hiding that… private data from me ?’ _

_ ‘You haven’t accepted the deal, have you now ?’ _ she grinned.

_ ‘Why him ?’ _

_ ‘Oh, come on, Mr. Johnson, you can’t deny this is the best thing and juicer story that ever happened in this town, however atrocious that is. Every journalist, every writer and TV show host is dying to get their hands on anything related to Ghost Face. I bet the police are excited to finally work on something so serious and challenging. He is a goddamn legend. He is so smart, so meticulous, so careful with his crimes, he- ’ _

I can’t lie or pretend I didn’t like what she was saying. Her compliments and veneration hit a special string of mine. Yet, I had to keep my face.

_ ‘You seem to admire him, almost obsessed with him’ _

_ ‘So are you’ _ she quickly replied, throwing me a subtle squint.

We walked down a narrow, unlit alley of the park for an entire minute without exchanging other words. Some night birds interrupted our trail of thoughts and somehow brought both of us back to reality. I turned my head to the left and saw Riley staring down to her feet, probably trying to see where she was stepping. Did she know something ? What was she writing in that notepad of hers about Ghost Face ? I could so easily end it that night, I could so easily snap that frail neck of hers, I could so easily cover her mouth and nose and suffocate her, I could just reach- my sinister thoughts suddenly stopped when she faced me. Her fair smile instantly disarmed me.

_ ‘What ?’ _

_ ‘I didn’t say anything’  _ I excused myself.

_ ‘I know, you were just staring’ _

‘ _ We  _ **_should_ ** _ work together’  _ I emphasized that word  _ ‘I think this collaboration will prove to be beneficial to you’ _

_ 'Are you serious?'  _ Riley’s voice betrayed her surprise and she froze in place.

_ 'It’s no secret you're doing a fantastic job at creating a psych profile, and I think that will prove a valuable insight for my articles and the police. As long as we keep it professional and don't try to diagnose him or put him in a bad light, as long as we follow certain rules, I don’t see why we can’t collaborate. We must stay safe above everything else though' _

_ 'Anything you want, sir'  _ she threw herself in my arms excited  _ ‘You won’t regret this decision’ _ she mumbled.

A faint coconut smell invaded my nose as she shifted her head to look up at me. She pushed away just enough to rest her palms on my chest. With a shy smile, she tipped on her toes to lean over me and kissed my left cheek, her warm voice whispering into my neck:

_ ‘Thank you’ _

Pulling my senses back together, I grabbed her wrists and gently pushed her away. She immediately backed away on her own at the sight of my wedding ring.

_ ‘Apologizes, I almost forgot about your wife’ _ she excused her behavior.

_ ‘That’s alright’  _

_ ‘Anyway’ _ she coughed once to readjust her voice  _ ‘Thank you for this opportunity and for… safely escorting me back home’ _ she chuckled as she gestured at the main boulevard.

_ ‘Safely escorting ? What were you expecting to happen ?’ _ I ventured.

_ ‘I don’t know, it’s late at night, it’s an empty, creepy park with no lights, no people around. What if Ghost Face is stalking me ? You said it yourself, I might’ve caught his attention’ _

_ ‘Are you afraid of him now ?’ _ I asked amused.

‘ _ No, you’re here with me. He’d be a fool to lay a hand on me, wouldn’t he ?’ _

I let out a low chuckle.

_ ‘It wouldn’t be advised for him to act on his intentions here and now, indeed. But... that doesn’t mean he couldn’t be nearby, staring at you right now, tracking every move you do, analyzing you’ _

_ ‘Stop it!’  _ she pushed me away gently _ ‘You’re scaring me’ _

_ ‘Go home, Miss Riley, you’re safe’  _

I watched her leaving the park and hurrying on the cross-walk to traverse the boulevard. It was funny to see how her pace was slightly increased than usual. She’d be out of the picture… soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter here and things are getting complicated for Danny and Riley. 
> 
> Enjoy reading and don't forget to Subscribe/Bookmark to stay updated and leave a friendly Kudo if you loved the story.
> 
> Cheers guys!

Days later, after my latest hit, I got a call from the detective working on the Ghost Face case and summoned me at a new victim’s house. I made sure to mention to him that Riley will be working with me and I made use of all my soft skills to persuade him into getting her on board. It was a must to have her with me. When she answered my call, she barely contained her excitement and I’m fairly certain she did it only to prevent herself from looking insensitive to that situation when in fact she clearly felt exhilarated.

When we arrived at the crime scene, we hardly had room to park the car or move around. The house was swamped with police officers and forensics agents as well as a lot of journalists hungry for the good stuff, but only me and Riley were allowed past the yellow tape. Although the forensics had already swept the ground floor once, they had us wear rubber gloves and a pair of disposable shoe covers before entering the house. We covered our faces for a mere second as the heavy rotten smell shocked us. The hot weather didn’t help with that either, but it did help with speeding up the decomposition of the body. We fought our will and instinct to inhale too deeply. I took off my camera and handed it to Riley.

_‘Here, you take the pictures while I take notes’_

_‘Really ?’_

_‘Make sure to snap a couple of close-ups’_ I instructed her as we walked into the living room _‘Detective, this is the assistant I was mentioning before, Miss Riley, surely you must’ve heard her name from your fellow detective. We worked before together'_

_‘Yes, of course, pleased to meet you, miss’_

Riley halted and wouldn't take another step forward. She was still staring at the dead body on the floor. 

_‘Miss Riley ? Are you ready ?’_ I gently squeezed her shoulder and pushed her forward _‘The pictures’_

_‘Y-yes, I’m sorry’_ she stuttered and walked with small steps closer to the corpse.

I crossed my arms on my chest and watched her approaching the dead man with reluctance. The memories of the murder flashed before my eyes as I shifted my attention to the victim. I remembered the struggle and the fight the man put up. It was a risky one, he was slightly bigger than me, heavier, unfortunately it was a necessary kill. My throat still ached from his attempts of choking me.

_‘First time seeing a dead body ?’_ the detective addressed Riley.

She hardly gulped and put the camera down.

_‘Y-yes sir, I-’_ she gagged at the acrid smell and looked away.

Suddenly she veered to the left to face me and I could see her face turning instantly white. She was fighting to swallow the excessive saliva and keep her breakfast in.

_‘Hey, don’t you dare hurling all over the crime scene. Go get some air!’_ the detective shouted at her.

_‘It’s alright, I’ll take the pictures’_ I drew closer to her and removed the camera from her hand reassuring her it was okay to step outside.

Needless to say, Riley stormed out of the house and I saw her throwing up over some bushes near the front door. I subtly smirked as I was watching her small body curling over her knees. 

_‘So, has he been identified ?’_ I suddenly turned serious towards the detective.

_‘Yes’_ the man walked at a small table in the center of the room and offered me a plastic bag with the victim's driver’s license.

Although I knew my victim’s name, I did pretend to look at the plastic card before writing down the man’s name in my small notepad. I stuck it back in my pocket and approached the dead body, finally taking those pictures I wanted.

_‘Who discovered him ?’_ I asked as I kneeled down to the bloated corpse to snap a picture of my five stab wounds in his chest.

_‘It was a courier. The young man stated he ringed the door, then the man’s mobile, knocked a few times at the door before he noticed the foul odor coming out of the house. That’s when he decided to call us. Early results point out the man is dead for at least three days’_

_‘What else was found ?’_ I asked automatically as I was still snapping pictures of the body.

_‘What else ? Why would there be something else ? Why do you assume that ?’_ the detective furrowed his brows at me as I stood up and hung the camera around my neck.

_‘Well’_ I took out my notepad and scribbled a few words _‘I assume you suspect this is Ghost Face’s work, don’t you ?’_

_‘Do we have another killer on the loose in town ? Of course it’s him’_

_‘Then, that’s why I asked if you found something else. It’s not in his nature to simply hit and run. He always leaves something behind for the police or the media. A short clip on surveillance cameras with him sneaking around the house or stabbing the victim, a newspaper headline cut left next to the victim, perhaps a drawing of his mask in blood on a wall-’_

_‘Nothing like that’_ the detective shook his head dismissive.

_‘And you say the victim has been found today ? But he was killed at least three days ago ?’_

_‘Yes’_

_‘Huh’_ I exclaimed as I looked around the living room _‘There are no pictures of other people or siblings in his house. Quite a sad life, to be so alone-’_

_‘What are you getting at ?’_ the detective clearly bit my bait.

_‘Weren’t Ghost Face’s victims found within hours, rarely the next day ?’_

_‘Yes ?’_

I walked around the room looking at the paintings on the walls and the books in the library. 

_‘Wait, you're not suggesting this is why the killer targeted him, are you ?’_

_‘Oh, no, no sir, I’m just thinking out loud. Of course not_ ’ I quickly and humbly shook my head in denial.

_‘But-, it’s true… this man had no one, and maybe…’_

  
  


_‘Well, I do suppose his previous victims were discovered faster because they had someone to care for them, unlike this… man’_

The detective looked at me for a moment, serious, almost suspicious, but then he lowered his head at the dead body and muttered:

_‘This could be someone else or-’_ the man rubbed his lower jaw thoughtful _‘Or a throwaway kill’_

_‘Sir ?’_

_‘Maybe we’re looking at this through the wrong lenses. This killer, if it’s Ghost Face, maybe we rushed in building his profile’_

_‘I don’t think so sir, I mean I’m sure you’re doing your job just perfectly, this was just a small detail I noticed. I don’t know the killer from Adam, I’m sure your profile fits him. And if it’s not him, and it’s a new killer among us, I suppose we have bigger problems than a wrong profile'_

_‘Or it’s still Ghost Face but we screwed up his profile. Maybe that’s why he slips away. Maybe his victims are chosen based on a different criteria rather than what we assumed in his profile. It looked random up until you mentioned this aspect’_

_‘You only worked with the information the killer gave you sir, and up until now his actions seemed pretty straight forward, weren’t they ?’_ I forced my luck in having him disclose more about the profile.

_‘What are you talking about, Olsen? Ghost Face had no particular preference in his victims, he killed young, old, men, women, he killed them both in what seemed to be described as a rage episode and as quick and simple as a mere stab in their chest. There’s nothing consistent about his actions. There’s no data to build up a solid profile or determine his MO. He fucking toys with us. I don’t even think he kills with a motive, I start to believe he’s doing it solely for the attention and to mess with the police, waste our resources and time on ghost stories’_

I listened to his defeated speech and it filled my heart with joy to see him right where I wanted them to be.

_‘Wouldn't that be a motive ? Besides, there are two things that are consistent though’_ I interfered.

_‘Are there ? Cause damn it if I can see any sense or logic in this killer’s mind or actions’_

_‘First off, he seems to always use a knife, a hunting knife to be more precise. Secondly, he likes the publicity, the attention, in fact… he might strive and do it just because of that, which would explain his erratic murdering spree’_

_‘The thirst for public attention could be indeed the only thing he always made sure to gain from any new murder. But, the murdering weapon ? This man was stabbed with a different knife than what Ghost Face used before. Which means, this murder isn’t Ghost Face’s handiwork. Honestly I don’t even know what would be worse: having a new killer in Roseville or Ghost Face becoming more cunning. One thing is certain though’_ the man walked out in the hallway and I followed him _‘Ghost Face's profile is good for nothing. White male, 6 ft 1, with a lean, athletic body type my ass. No such suspect could take that man down’_ the detective yelled as he gestured at the dead body.

_‘I suppose’_ I tilted my head to a side.

_‘You’re not convinced I see’_ the detective continued _‘You think you’d be able to fight that type of a man on your own ? What’s your height, Olsen ?’_

_‘Coincidentally, 6 ft 1’_ I chuckled pretending nervous.

_‘Well, perfect, would you be able to take that man down if necessary ?’_

_‘Oh, me ? Not at all sir, I’m more fragile than I look’_

_‘What a waste of time’_ he turned around exasperated and I allowed myself a brief smile _‘Perhaps we need a different plan. You said it yourself, he likes the publicity, he might be doing it only for that. What if we cut this supply ? What if we stop broadcasting his heinous acts, stop writing about it, stop talking about it, no more public details’_

I could feel my figure slowly turning darker. Although I kept a serious and professional look, I hoped he couldn’t see my internal scream and desperate attempt to make him stop. If I wanted them to play by my rules, I had to keep calm and remain focused no matter how much anger I was harvesting.

_‘It could be an idea, sure. It could also worsen the situation’_

_‘Do you really think he’d turn rampageous because he doesn’t get attention ?’_

_‘If we’re right about his motive, I’d say he might choose that path, yes’_

_‘Good, it will be only a matter of time until he’ll make a mistake’_ the detective’s sadistic chuckle rang in my head like mockery.

I’d slit his throat in a split second and he wouldn’t even know until blood would pool under him. My right hand clenched around my notepad when I saw Riley joining us.

_‘Sorry about before, detective’_ she apologized.

_‘No worries dear, I remember my first time I saw a corpse. I actually contaminated a crime scene’_ he patted her left shoulder in a friendly manner.

_‘Sir, may I say something ? I heard you just now. You mentioned you’d deprive Ghost Face of attention and publicity hoping he’d get more violent and make a mistake ?’_

_‘Yes ?’_ he nodded.

_‘Are you really willing to gamble people’s lives to catch this killer ? What you’re saying is basically you’d spare some additional lives hoping Ghost Face will take a wrong turn’_

Oh, Riley… Although I noticed the detective’s scrupulous methods, they didn’t seem to bother me for the same reasons it bothered her, but she was absolutely adorable.

_‘Do you two want to continue working on the case ?’_ he asked in a severe tone.

_‘Of course’_ Riley spoke for both of us.

_‘Then you’ll keep your mouths shut about my plan and no more articles about Ghost Face. I’ll make sure the other publications will follow up with these rules. Mark my words, he’ll soon fail’_ the man stuck out one of his cigars and left the house.

_‘Did we just get blackmailed ?’_

_‘More like bribed’_ I sneered.

_‘Why are you happy then ? We’re banned from doing our job’_

_‘Not for long’_

_‘Mr. Johnson, what are you going to do ?’_ she whispered curiously.

_‘Me ? Nothing. Let’s get you out of here’_ I pushed her out in the hallway because I saw she was still struggling with the smell.

We walked back to my car and I could see her stomach hadn't settled yet, in fact, she was gulping repeatedly and tried to desperately cool herself off by waving a hand in front of her face. The sun was merciless though and it only enhanced her sickness. I stopped and looked at her as she leaned her back against my car’s door.

_'Are you alright ?'_ I asked already knowing the truth.

_'Not really'_ she barely whispered and wiped the sweat off her face and chest _'Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick again'_ she covered her mouth and ran on the other side of the car, throwing up on a neighbor's freshly mowed lawn.

I drew closer to her although she begged me several times to stay away and not look at her.

_'Hey'_ I tried to seize her right shoulder but she pushed me away gently.

_'Please, don't look at me, just-'_ she paused and with another contraction of her abdomen she spat out a clear liquid, the spasm dragging her down on her knees.

Nimbly, I caught her forearm and helped her up.

_‘It’s alright, let it out’_ I held her back and arm and felt her entire body shivering before she’d hurl one last time what was left of her bile.

_‘This is so disgusting, please sir-’_ she shook her head embarrassed trying to evade my grasp, but because she lacked any strength she didn’t let go of me.

_‘Don’t be absurd’_ I walked her back to my car and I opened the door for her to take a seat _‘There, let your stomach settle a bit’_

_‘This is so embarrassing’_ she echoed avoiding my eyes.

_‘There’s nothing to be embarrassed of’_ I looked around and saw a woman a couple of houses down the street watering her flowers _‘Stay inside, I’ll be back’_

Riley simply nodded in return and laid her head to rest against the backrest of the passenger seat, closing her eyes while I rushed at the neighbor to ask for some water. I told her my friend was sick and she needed to get hydrated. The woman was kind enough to actually give me a bottle of icy water. When I returned to Riley, she was almost delirious from the heat and dehydration. I tried to talk to her, but she was simply listening and nodding but said no word. I poured some cold water in my hand and splashed her face and her eyes instantly opened as if she woke up from a nightmare.

‘ _Here, drink it slow, small and lots of gulps’_ I placed the bottle to her mouth and she barely had the strength to hold it _‘Easy, easy’_ I stopped her as she got greedy.

_‘Mr. Johnson’_ she mumbled finally looking up at me _‘I’m so sorry’_

_‘What for ?’_

_‘I- I just feel like I failed you back there’_ she tried to wave her hands again to cool off.

_‘Stop talking about it, you’ll get sick again’_ I helped move her legs inside the car and closed the door.

When I got in, I turned on the AC and offered the bottle of water.

_‘Small sips, okay ?’_ I held onto it and let go of it only when she agreed.

Carefully, she sipped once before placing it between her legs and tipped her head backwards, closing her eyes again.

_‘I don’t understand how you can do that ?’_ she spoke but didn’t move or open her eyes.

_‘Do what ?’_

_‘Stay near… that. In that… horrible smell and sight’_

_‘You get used to it’_ I leaned against my seat as well and started playing with my fingers across the leather covering the steering wheel.

_‘How do you get used to something like that ? How many times have you seen a dead body ?’_

_‘Enough to feel comfortable near them’_ I squinted at her and saw her gulping from her water.

_‘I might never get used to that. Pff-’_ she scoffed _‘And I wanted to become a detective, what a fool I was’_

_‘Don’t tell me this will stop you from working on the Ghost Face case’_ I threw the words without facing her.

_‘N-no, at least... I don’t think so’_ she took a deep breath.

_‘Good, I knew that wasn’t enough to take you down. You’re tougher than you may think’_ I rolled my head to my right and saw her staring at me surprised.

_‘What are you talking about ? I was a mess, I was weak’_

_‘Who isn’t the first time ?’_ I shrugged my shoulders _‘The question is: are you going to get better ? To perfect yourself ? Because whether you like it or not, you’re working on a murder case. Dead bodies, blood, violence and graphic depictions of Ghost Face’s crimes will be all you’ll deal with. You have to have the stomach to do this job’_

Riley’s eyes quickly filled with tears.

_‘I-, I’m not sure if-‘_ she looked away and brought the bottle back to her mouth to suppress her whimper.

Her tears were crawling down her cheeks and she quickly looked away and laid her head against the window. My eyes traced her face and gleaming neck and I noticed her throat moving as she swallowed a couple of times. The ghost of a smile still lingered on my lips.

_‘Do you think you can survive the ride back home ?’_

She nodded determined.

When I stopped my car in front of her apartment building, Riley put back on her jacket and humbly turned her eyes to my direction.

_‘I apologize again for today. I didn’t help you in any way and although I swore to be fully committed to this project, I failed’_

_‘You didn’t do anything out of the ordinary or wrong for that matter. I will take care of this article, no need for you to relive that traumatic experience’_

_‘But that’s the thing, I didn’t want you to do this on your own. I wanted to help, I wanted to be involved, not get-’_

_‘You’re talking as if you’re prepared to quit this whole case’_ I raised my left eyebrow slightly surprised.

_‘NO!’_ she almost yelled to me _‘I didn’t say that. I will power through. Next time, I’ll take the pictures and sit through the whole discussion with the detective in charge’_

My jaws tensed a little bit in annoyance, but I managed to sketch a faint smile, just enough to fool her.

_‘Huh, you won’t give up, will you ?_ ’ I asked with a twisted mix of admiration and pride in my tone and took all her enthusiasm as a challenge.

_‘I won’t, sir_ ’ she shook her head vigorously.

_‘Good… good’_ I echoed mostly to myself as I already laid a plan ahead for her.

Another hit. Another body. Another story to write. 

Riley managed to take those pictures she bragged she’d take. She fought her gag reflex with every inch of her life. I found a very disturbing pleasure in seeing her feeling that way. A sadistic pleasure in seeing her struggle, fight, force herself to look at the mangled body, which merely scratched that growing itch I just discovered. And yet, she did it. She captured quite some pictures, with perfect angles I might add. I have no idea why my heart swelled up in pride as I looked at those perfect pictures she snapped. Perhaps because I associated them with a sense of admiration for my work from her part.

She sat next to the body as we talked with the detective and even dared to ask questions and take notes. I remember I was kneeling down to the dead woman when the detective’s voice broke the silence that reigned for half a minute.

_‘One of the examiners pointed out the woman died fighting the attacker. To be more precise, she was strangling the assailant,’_ he pointed at the woman’s palms, which seemed to be stuck as if she had some horrible cramps and her muscles remained tense.

At that moment, I got quick flashbacks of my victim trying to choke me. As my left hand climbed up to my covered throat I saw Riley writing something down.

_‘You keep saying attacker, assailant, murderer’_ Riley observed _‘Why ? Don’t you think it’s Ghost Face ?’_

_‘Certain aspects of the murder point to his direction sure, but then again, where’s the signature ? Where’s that last mocking act of his ? A note, a sign in blood, a quick thumbs up for the camera. Twisted fuck’_ the detective hissed displeased and disgusted at my MO _‘There’s none of it’_ he ended.

_‘And does this sole thing rule Ghost Face out ?’_ Riley asked, surprised.

_‘This one missing thing only tells us it can be someone else, it doesn’t rule him out’_ the man replied visibly tired of chasing me.

_‘Not all signatures were as straightforward as a note on a body’s chest’_ I finally interfered.

_‘What are you mumbling there, Olsen ?’_

_‘He showed himself on camera on a few occasions sure, but most importantly, he took pictures of himself next to the dead bodies and released them anonymously for the press, he left notes on top of the bodies, he used the blood of his victims to paint his iconic mask on their faces and so on and so forth. All these are his signatures. He doesn’t have a specific one, instead he uses different means to show it was him. He makes use of the environment, the blood, the victim’s body to tell his story and prove his identity. It’s like art’_

_‘Pff- art he says’_ the detective scoffed both amused and irritated _‘Are you calling that criminal an artist now ? I think you have a crush on your murderer, Olsen’_

At that moment I could feel my blood boiling in my veins as he laughed at my words, I just hope my face never betrayed the thoughts going through my head.

_‘Detective, please’_ Riley jumped in for the first time interrupting him and hushed him.

I _**NEVER** _saw her so determined. She literally yelled at the detective in charge. Luckily for her, the man took her attitude as a good thing and complimented her passion. But for me ? It seemed quite strange the way she snapped at him, as if she desperately wanted to hear me out. At the moment it seemed more of a flattering gesture to me, but soon I discovered my initial instinct was right.

_‘Continue miss Riley’_

_‘Sorry for that’_

_‘No, no, go ahead’_

_‘I want to listen to Mr. Olsen’s theory. I find it interesting and I think it can provide us a lot of insight, maybe even understand the killer’s mindset better’_

_‘Youngsters these days’_ the man chuckled and turned back at me telling me to continue _‘So, he is an artist ?’_

_‘Not in the conventional way’_ I gritted my teeth and resumed _‘What I meant by my previous statement is that he acts like an artist while the bodies of his victims are always his canvas. The medium he chooses differs of course, it can be blood, it can be something around the room, it can be paper, but the canvas stays the same. That’s his signature’_ I ended as I ripped open the woman’s shirt and revealed the stab wounds in her chest.

_‘What in the name of God are you doing ?’_ the detective roared, jumping forward _‘Step away from her, Olsen. Are you out of your mind ?’_

He kept yelling and scolding me but everything he was saying barely landed on deaf ears. I only backed away and saw Riley approaching the woman’s body. Drawn like a moth to the light. She grabbed the camera and started snapping picture after picture, the rapid clicking sounds capturing the detective’s attention.

_‘What the hell do you think you’re doing too ?’_

_‘Sir’_ she took a couple of steps backwards and pointed at the victim’s chest _‘Look at the pattern of the stabs’_

The man drew closer and fell speechless. He sat for over ten seconds staring at the wounds without blinking.

_‘It’s his mask’_ he muttered almost to himself _‘Carved in her chest’_

Riley threw me a quick squint and wrote something in that notepad of hers she never lets me read before smiling at me. What was she writing in that thing ? My eyes narrowed in suspicion as paranoia took over me.

_‘How the hell did you know ?’_ the detective veered around and yelled at me again.

_‘I was looking for a signature while you two were talking, when I noticed the rather weird stab wounds. I understood it was a pattern of some sort and then I remembered that most of his victims were used in the same way through different mediums. Hence the comparison with an artist. I just needed to see it clearly, which is why I had to remove the shirt’_ I explained and the man still stared mind blown at me.

_‘You have a very keen eye, Olsen’_ he threw the compliment in a hurry and proceeded to call for the forensics agents.

I can’t even describe Riley’s ecstatic attitude once we got out of that house and walked back to my car. She forgot everything about the dead body, about the blood, the smell, the sight, everything. She kept praising me and my skills. The way she talked and laughed at the detective’s lack of judgement could only get me high. Who would’ve thought those compliments could hide something far more serious ? I certainly hinted it, but my blind trust in her was clearly a mistake-, a regrettable one, like many others before. It seemed to me as if she became more interested in Danny rather than Ghost Face, and that only managed to trigger my psychosis.

A couple of nights after her second look into this new macabre world, I decided to step up my game and started scaring her furthermore to make sure she won't be bothering me for long. If you take a second and think about it, you’d realize I tried to push her away in a gentle, cruel free manner. Honestly, I didn’t want to hurt her. 

That being said, one of the following nights, back at her apartment, working together on an article, she decided to confide in me. Just when I was ready to leave her place I heard her soft voice whispering behind me and gently grabbing my left elbow. I could already read it in her eyes. I could already feel it in her body and faltering movements.

_'Yes ?'_ I turned around to face her.

_'Please stay'_

_'What ?'_ my eyebrows pinched as I pretended surprised.

_'I-, I'd like you to stay here tonight'_

_'Why ?'_

Her face seemed to betray a haunting pain in her head, possibly as a result of her inner battle to decide whether to tell me or not what gnawed at her brains the whole day or perhaps she was fighting her survival instinct as she decided to ask a supposed serial killer to stay with her overnight.

_'What is it ?'_

_'I'm scared'_ she plainly admitted.

_'Scared of what ?'_ I shook my head, seemingly confused forcing her to say more.

_'Of him'_

_'Ghost Face ?'_ I asked amused, though I kept it to myself.

_'A few nights ago, when I left work-, I think… I think somebody was following me. I think he was stalking me and… well, you know what that means. Could you please stay with me tonight ?'_

_‘Are you sure about it ?’_

_'Why wouldn't I ? Should I have reasons to worry about you staying here?'_

_'I meant are you sure about being followed?'_

_‘Oh, yes, it was this tall, dark figure. Although he knew his trade, I could tell he was following me’_

_‘So, what happened ?’_

_‘I guess he realized at some point I saw him, so he somehow backed away after a while. Or perhaps he got everything he needed, maybe he just wanted to take some notes. Putting down my daily routine, maybe’_ her voice broke at that point and I noticed her eyes begging me _‘I’m so scared, Mr. Johnson. I think he will come after me soon’_

_'Maybe you just imagined somebody was following you, because you’re too aware of the dangerous work you’re doing right now... or maybe it wasn't him at all, maybe that was just a regular guy trying to scare you'_ I falsely tried to give her a sense of peace.

_‘Right, because I’m that lucky to get stalked by a random guy_ ’ she said and shortly after that comment she shrugged her shoulders ‘ _You know what I mean. Of course it’s him and he’ll-’_ her eyes become teary _'I will end up dead in my own apartment and nobody will find me, because I'm all alone, because I got no one here. I will be this disgusting, stabbed, butchered, rotting corpse-'_ her voice broke and let her chin drop in her chest defeated. 

I grabbed her shoulders and slowly, with a bit of reluctance I cradled her in my arms.

At the time, I foolishly hoped I was misjudging her and her actions, I wasn't quite sure she was testing me, and I suppose her shivering body and stammering voice persuaded me into believing so. But she was terrified, it was very obvious. I’d say because she believed she was standing in the arms of a killer and she had to go through her whole plan to prove that, or could she stay in my cold embrace because she still hoped I wasn't Ghost Face ?

_'Nobody will kill you, calm down. Even if that was him, he surely did it to merely scare you'_ I replied in a calm tone.

_'And what happens when he understands that I won't quit this case?'_ she raised her head and stared me dead in the eyes as if she knew she was addressing that question to the murderer himself.

_'Well-'_ I stopped thoughtful and pondered on a proper answer, although I was genuinely considering what was left for me to do with her.

_'Oh God-'_ she gasped at my lack of a response and planted her face into my chest.

_'It’s okay'_ my right hand raised slightly unsure above her head and I stroked her hair a couple of times _'He won't hurt you as long as I'm here’_

As those words came out of my mouth, it suddenly hit me. What if that was exactly what she wanted to prove ? That for as long as I’m with her, sitting in the same room, Ghost Face could not kill her or anyone else ? My mind started racing.

We went back into the living room when we realized she had an asthma attack. I saw her jumping on the big sofa, cradling her knees to her chest, making herself into a ball. She started some of her breathing exercises but soon discovered they were useless against her panic attack and that’s when she asked me to hand her the inhaler from her purse. 

Great was my surprise as I was searching for it to also find a Glock laying at the bottom of the bag. I moved it around a bit to reach the inhaler and tossed it towards her direction. She looked at me with a striking gaze, which only had me thinking she put up that whole act just to have me see the gun. Perhaps in her own fear, she felt the need to make sure I didn’t see her as vulnerable as she must’ve thought I saw her. But then again, why would she do that if she wasn’t sure she was in danger around me ? So... my instinct was right ? Her interest in me wasn’t an act of praise, it was because she… suspected me. My eyes squinted as I felt my blood pressure suddenly dropping, feeling a gap in my stomach. Was she ?

Of course I didn’t want to let her think I didn’t see the gun or worse, that it was such a common thing around here that it didn’t make me question its existence in her purse. And I didn’t want her to feel my concerns about her reasons for having me around to oversee each and every step or thing I do either.

_‘You carry a gun in your purse and you’re scared of a killer armed with just a hunting knife ?_ ’ I suddenly turned campy ‘ _I think it should be the other way around’_

_‘He wouldn’t be’_ she started slightly matching my comic tone _‘If he’d knew I can’t shoot that damn thing even if my life depends on it’_

Interesting. I watched her fascinated. Why would she have me see the gun just to admit afterwards she couldn’t handle it ? It defeated the whole purpose of proving she wasn’t vulnerable. Unless that wasn’t her plan, and I misinterpreted her action. 

Maybe it was something deeper than that… or maybe she just lied, posing as a vulnerable woman when in fact she can protect herself and catch those who dare attack her off guard. I couldn’t read her, no matter how naive she might’ve been or acted. It frustrated me. Was she afraid of me or not ? Did she believe I was Ghost Face or not ? If she believed I'm a serial killer, why would she ask me to stay with her in the same room alone ? Shouldn’t she be scared I would hurt her ? Or is she still hoping she’s wrong about my identity ? Does she think I wouldn’t hurt her because I know her ? Was she that cocky ? Was I losing my mind ? I didn’t understand her actions, her attitude, her words. There was a missing piece in this huge puzzle that I could not see then, not until much later.

_‘My dad gave it to me when I left their home. He considered I should have a gun. A young woman, living by herself in another state. He always was the overprotective type’_ she continued pulling me out of my obsessive trail of thoughts.

_‘Wouldn’t you want to learn to shoot it ?’_ I tried to calm down and peel the onion.

_‘Do you believe I’ll need it ?’_ she looked up at me and asked with a serious look.

_‘Wouldn’t it be better to know how to use it and never actually need to do it rather than needing it and not knowing how to use it ?’_

_‘I suppose’_ she tilted her head to a side as if she wasn’t convinced of my benevolent offer _‘Can you teach me ?’_

_‘Fortunately, I can’_

_‘Somehow I’m not surprised by this. You seem to know a lot of things’_

_‘Well, this might be the only thing my father taught me. Our only bonding moments were when he was teaching me to shoot guns’_

_‘That’s messed up’_ she frowned and laid the inhaler on the sofa next to her.

Did I notice she never used the inhaler ? Of course I did. Did I know she planned all that moment just to gather enough information about me ? To show me she wasn’t as defenseless as I might’ve believed ? Not with certainty. Not until later that night, when she fell asleep on the sofa and I started poking around. 

In her room, I looked over her documents and articles on her desk, but what I was looking for was hidden in the bottom drawer, underneath some books. I immediately recognized the notepad. The one she carefully protects from everyone, _**especially** _me. The one she quickly snatched from my hands the night I escorted her through the park.

I threw a fast look into the living room to check on her before opening the notepad and once my eyes landed on the white scribbled pages, I felt my heart jumping in my throat.

_'No, no, miss Riley'_ I whispered to myself as I read through the pages and got my confirmation _'Why did you have to go there ?'_

The headline of the first page had my name, encircled a couple of times in red ink and written in all capital letters at the top right corner were the words **'Prime Suspect ?'**. Pages and pages of details she noticed about me were linked and cross referenced with everything Ghost Face did. 

She mentioned my twisted childhood, the lack of healthy fatherly and motherly figures in my life. She continued to pursue the lack of emotions I possessed, how disconnected I was from the other people, how cold and insensitive I was to people's pain, how accustomed with death, blood and dead bodies I was. How I curiously assured her on a few occasions that the killer wouldn't hurt her. She pointed out how I understood Ghost Face's psyche better than most criminal psychologists, how I could understand his mindset, modus operandi, how I knew about the last victim's chest wounds, and so much more.

There were so many details she listed, from the most obvious to the most subtle and hard to pick up, such as my expressions, change of tone whenever we would talk about something or I was talking to someone else, such as the detective. She noticed every single thing in me and it was all my fault. I allowed her to get too close to me. I let her in my life. I opened up to her, I showed her I was… a human, and vulnerable… I was serving her the best story a journalist could ask for on a platter, and she only needed solid proof before publishing it.

My eyes raised from her notepad and with an angered look I watched her still sleeping. She betrayed me. Just like everyone else. How many times will I allow this to happen before I understand people don't deserve my trust ? How many times do I have to be let down before I stop allowing people in my life ?

When I looked back into the notepad, a few sentences and remarks stole my attention and my harsh features progressively vanished.

* * *

_"Although I think he is a cold, distant man and lacks empathy or emotional response to feelings, his own and those of the other people, there is something slumbering in his heart. On several occasions he proved to genuinely care for me, in his own distinctive way... but he cared._

_I witnessed his vulnerable moments as well, I might be one of the very few people in his life to have seen this. This usually would happen when he spoke about his past or family, or when he had to deal with other families and their children. There is this pain and fear of being hurt in his eyes I keep noticing, a struggle in his body to avoid being seen as weak in everyone's eyes. I just wish I could reach out to him._

_I really believe that deep down he is a good man. I think he is lost, alone, afraid, angry, disappointed and has been betrayed by those around him one too many times. Without being taught a healthy way to cope with these things in his life, he turned to a life of crime. All those things pushed him over the edge. Pushed him to find a new way of dealing with the emotions he could not deal with._

_And as I write all these things, depicting his nefarious deeds and explaining the root of his malice, I cannot stop thinking or denying one certain fact - I could never forget Mr. Johnson and what he did for me. I could never deny my admiration towards his intellect, his charisma, his charming attitude and how well he knows to weaponize it. I could never deny my undying love for him… however sinister and disgusting this might seem to the others, to those of you who will read this, you may judge me and call me crazy, but unlike you… I knew the real Ghost Face.”_

* * *

I put the notepad back in its place and walked back to the living room. I stopped next to the sofa and looked down at her peaceful face. I really thought I played her, but she was playing me this whole time. She was so smart, so patient and analytical. She proved to be a worthy opponent.

_'No more'_ I muttered as I bent over her.

_'Mr. Johnson, what are you doing?'_ she woke up and gasped startled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I know it's been a while since I uploaded a new chapter, but I had to deal with a lot of stress from work and other personal issues.
> 
> Thank you for being patient and I hope you'll enjoy how this story progresses. Let me know what's your favorite scene, character, your thoughts on the story.

_'Sorry I scared you'_ I whispered as I pulled a blanket over her.

_'No, no, I was in the middle of a dream, that’s why I’m so agitated’_ she explained her overreaction to my benevolent action ‘ _What time is it?'_

I checked the clock on her wall and sat up:

_‘Half past midnight’_

_‘Damn’_ she grabbed her head _‘I feel like I’ve been hit by a train, my head hurts and I feel like shit’_

_‘It’s the air’_ I walked at the balcony and slid the glass door open, allowing the chilly air to sneak inside _‘Probably combined with dehydration’_ I resumed as I filled one small glass with water from the kitchen and brought it to her.

Riley helped herself up on the sofa and snuggled the blanket to her chest before accepting the glass of water.

_‘Thank you, sir’_ she looked up at me with grateful eyes and sipped from it gently.

_‘Bad dream ?’_

_‘Something like that’_ she rubbed her temples and lowered the glass in her lap.

At that moment I noticed how her look changed. She looked at the blanket and instinctively she turned her head to her left, towards her bedroom. Slowly, as if I was seeing her in slow motion, her face carefully moved back to me wearing a very distraught look. And could anyone blame her ? I kept a serious expression on my face and that seemed only to enhance her discomfort.

_‘What’s the matter ?’_ I shamelessly asked.

_‘This- blanket’_ her voice faltered _‘Was on my bed, right ?’_

_‘Yes’_ I answered and watched her painful anxiety growing in every inch of her face _‘I hope it doesn’t bother you I went into your bedroom, but I couldn’t find anything around here to cover you’_

_‘N-no’_ she stammered as she looked back at her bedroom _‘I don’t mind it’_ she falsely stated though I noticed she was now searching for her purse in which she was carrying the gun.

Oh, she was so afraid, so terrified of what I could’ve found in her room. She casually stood up as if she wasn’t in a hurry but every muscle in her body was urging her towards the bedroom. 

_‘Apologizes, I want to grab myself a pill cause this headache won’t quit’_ she chuckled forcefully and went down the small hallway.

As she entered the room, I could hear her opening her desk’s drawers, rummaging inside them. A smile washed over my lips because I knew she was checking if her notepad was in the exact same position. She took some time at the bottom drawer before closing it. Of course I first analyzed how the notepad was placed inside and after I finished reading it, I put it back in the exact spot. She walked back into the living room wearing a very weak smile.

_‘Did you find it ?’_ I started.

Her smile instantly vanished and she turned white. I could see her chest swelling again and again and her eyes darting back and forth from me and her purse. She mumbled some inaudible words.

_‘The pill’_ I explained and suddenly saw her breathing deeply before letting out a low chuckle.

_‘Yes, yes, I-’_ she gestured behind her at the bedroom _‘I already took it’_

_‘That must’ve been a very disturbing dream you had if you’re still so shook up’_ I followed.

_‘It was very intense, yes’_ she took another deep breath and earned back her boldness, slowly approaching me.

_‘I was about to leave before you woke up, so, I’ll be on my way’_

_‘Yes, of course’_ she rushed, nodding in an understanding matter _‘Thank you very much for staying with me tonight. You've got no idea how much that means to me’_

_‘My pleasure’_ I automatically replied and she accompanied me at the door.

Before I reached the end of the main hallway, Riley turned on the light so I could grab my coat from the hanger. I noticed the switch for the hall lights was in a small storage closet. I saw that door when I entered her apartment but I didn’t know what it was until then.

_‘Is that the room where you keep all the buckets and the bleach ?’_ I jokingly asked, buttoning up my coat.

The girl laughed yet she nervously closed the door.

_‘Is that what you keep inside it ?’_

_‘Yes, right next to my ropes and plastic tarps’_

We both laughed, though for different reasons.

_‘I know you for a while and I still can’t tell when you’re joking and when not’_ Riley stopped giggling but kept a mild smile on her tired face.

_‘I think you know very well when I’m joking and when I’m serious’_ I pushed her chin up in a friendly manner.

_‘See you Monday ?’_ she muttered somewhat sleepy.

_'Actually'_ I turned at her as I was fixing my coat’s high collar to protect my neck _'I was thinking we could meet this weekend'_

_'Um, just the two of us ? Alone ?'_ she paused surprised ' _You think we need to work more on the article or just talk to the detective ?'_

_'Not exactly what I had in mind. This isn’t about work, in fact I want you to get away as far as possible from this case'_

_'Oh no, don't you dare do this again'_ she scolded me _'You won't lay me off the case. I want to work with you on this one'_

_'Would you calm down ?'_ I chuckled _'Believe me, the feeling is mutual. What I meant before, was that you need some R &R' _

_'Oh'_ her subtle harsh features quickly softened ‘ _Will your wife be okay with this ?’_ she asked almost in a whisper, slightly afraid of my answer.

‘ _My wife ?’_ I scoffed amused _‘We’ll talk about that later. I was thinking I could teach you to shoot that gun of yours'_

_'Really ? You would do that ?'_

_'Of course, I believe it's imperative for you to be able to defend yourself considering your current situation'_

_'You think Ghost Face is after me'_ she said, affected.

_'He's certainly shown a lot of interest in you, didn't he ? If you are right about being followed by someone a couple of times, I believe it's only a matter of time'_ I pressed on the matter to build up her anxiety.

_'How about you ?'_

_'What about me ?'_

_'Aren't you afraid he will come after you ?'_

_'He never showed me that intention, but then again, I didn't try to anger him'_ I smiled at her.

Riley's look fell down and her face transformed into the saddest, yet angriest one I’ve seen. She grabbed her shoulders, in a protective way and shook her head slowly in what I could only guess, at that point, was denial. Denial to accept she was targeted, and soon to be another victim of mine. Or perhaps… huh, if I think back at her look that night, I think it was quite the opposite. She had accepted her fate, she felt defeated.

I could not let that opportunity slip away from me, so I swooped in and consoled her. I made sure she would trust me, feel comfortable and safe around me, just enough to tell me everything she might think. However, I also wanted to get her more paranoid and enhance that restlessness feeling in her mind. It was a challenging task even for me to keep both of these emotions in balance for her.

_'You'll be fine_ ' I gently grabbed the side of her right arm and both her arms slipped down from her shoulders as she quickly relaxed.

_'How can you be so sure ?'_ she looked up at me.

_'I can guarantee he won't hurt you as long as I'm with you'_ I let go of her arm and gave her a weak smile.

_'You'd... protect me ?'_

_'Riley'_ I changed my tone to a more severe one and looked deep into her eyes _'I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. He'd have to go through me first before getting you, so mark my words-'_ I drew closer to her, gently seized a lock of her golden bangs and set it aside to see her eyes better _'He won't touch one single hair on your head'_

Her eyes danced across my face frantically as if she desperately wanted to read my mind or true intentions. My words did not calm her, instead they filled her with more doubt and fear. But, there was also this obvious conflict in her that she tried to reconcile. It was very obvious she enjoyed my touch, my caring attitude, our closeness, it was something she has been lingering for so long that it became almost painful for her to not let herself go at that very moment. I could see the battle she struggled to win when she reached for my hand and grabbed it carefully. I suppose it was difficult for her to contain and rationalize her strong emotions towards me when she suspected me of being a serial killer.

_'Thank you, sir'_

_'I'll see you Sunday. Until then, try to stay out of trouble, okay ?'_ my low chuckle proved to be contagious.

Though we had plans for Sunday, she didn't know that I had plans for Saturday too. A plan which was very much about her. I stalked her the whole day, I watched her never leaving the apartment. At the moment I wasn't sure if it was because she had no plans or because she was afraid to get out anymore, but I saw her several times through the afternoon on the phone, talking to someone. I wonder who that was. Was it the detective ? Were they both working together against me ? Did she tell him I'm a suspect or did he tell her I'm the prime suspect ? What if both of them are trying to prove I'm Ghost Face ? If he knows too, I can't touch her. It will point directly at me, unless I have a strong alibi. The thought of Riley betraying me like that ignited a strong hatred within me. Would she be capable of doing that to me ? Was she convinced by that pathetic detective that I’m the devil here ? Would she believe such an abominable truth ? 

Or maybe she just talked to her parents. Maybe they are concerned about her safety, figuring they know what she is working on. Or… a boyfriend ? I certainly had to find out who she was talking to, because this might prove to be valuable information that I can use. 

When I stopped for a second to recollect my thoughts, I realized that the sun had already set. Lately, time began to have no meaning to me. It rushed past me as if I was in a persistent state of slumber, as if I wasn't even there and then. Life seemed to skip many, many acts for me. I suppose that should make me sad...or mad. But it didn't. Instead, it felt... liberating. There were no longer limitations or boundaries that I knew or had. It was me and just me, there was no concern regarding time, family, love... feelings. Just passion and excitement. Just challenges and adrenaline. Everything else faded before them. 

Gentle raindrops tapped into my windshield and caught my attention, suddenly pulling me out of my trance. Though it started as a shy rain, it quickly shifted into a storm. Now, the raindrops, growing in strength and gaining more speed, hit the roof of my car and the windshield with such violent thuds, that it felt like drilling in my brain. I activated the wiper blades, at the slowest speed, enough to give me short glimpses over the street and buildings, but also keep me hidden.

When I looked up at Riley's place, I noticed her lights were off in her whole apartment. My eyes instinctively jumped on the entrance to the apartment building and after roughly a minute, I saw her getting out. She opened her umbrella and stepped out in the heavy rain. 

She was wearing a dress... or a skirt, wasn't sure because she wore a trench coat tightly tied around her small frame. She started walking down the street and I could hear her heels clicking on the wet sidewalk. In that heavy rain and deep, almost creepy silence, no other sound stood out as her heels and an occasional thunder. As if she wanted to draw attention towards her. But why would she make such a bold choice when she knows I've pinned my eyes on her. Why did she dress so fancy so late at night ? Where was she heading to ? She mentioned several times she is afraid to go out at night, and yet the attitude she exhibited that night seemed more of a taunt. Was she baiting Ghost Face ? Was she working with that detective behind my back ? Were they both trying to catch me ?

I really believed she was scared. I really believed she would never consider going out at night alone, and yet she was out there, wearing that outfit, seeking attention and drawing attention towards her.

I slowly advanced with my car, keeping a safe distance from her and noticed her looking around as she quickly hastened her pace.

_'Oh, Riley, you are scared shitless, but why do you do it ? What's your purpose ? Are you being forced by that sorry ass detective ?'_

After a while, she stops at a crosswalk and takes out her phone. I squinted my eyes to see her through the thick veil of water and her obscuring umbrella, but she did answer it. She looked to her right as a man joined her at the crosswalk and waited for the green light to walk. They weren't together, or at least they didn't want to seem so. In fact, she turned back to the left, towards me, and stepped a bit away from the stranger. She acted quite afraid, but was it genuine ? When the light switched to green, she slowly peeked to her right to see if the man moved on, only after he was already crossing the street, she stepped on the zebra crossing. She was still on her phone.

I waited for her to get on the other side of the road before I set myself in motion again. I followed her until she caught a taxi and the driver drove away for miles before stopping in front of a restaurant. She got out quickly and rushed inside. I managed to park my car on the other side of the restaurant, further down the street and I saw her being escorted by a hostess to a table close by the big windows. I pulled down the side window of my car so I can properly see, as the heavy rain kept blurring my vision. When she joined the table, a man stood up and greeted her. It wasn’t the detective. My heart somehow found a little bit of peace.

_‘Dating, miss Riley ? Really ? With a killer on the loose and ready to off you ? You’re very brave’_ I let a smile wash over my face.

I let them for a while to chat, eat, and drink. In fact, she drank more than I ever saw her to and if you do recall, I did mention she did not handle her alcohol very well. I’ve never seen her so reckless, but I’m guessing this was some sort of a rebellious act of hers against Ghost Face. 

The two of them seemed to flirt a little bit, and although she was slightly reluctant to his advances, she wasn’t entirely displeased by his subtle touches. In fact, She was laughing and smiling a lot. She was so beautiful when she was smiling, so full of life, so... energetic. 

Anyway-

I let them enjoy each other’s company, but not because I wanted to grant her that liberty or a sense of normality in her life, no. I did it solely because I wanted my next action to be a wake up call that would shake her to her very core. I wanted her to take that hit as hard as possible. And when are people most vulnerable and prone to be brought down the hardest, if not while they are in their happy moment ? When they are happy, when they are peaceful and think everything will be fine, when they have this false sense of being untouchable and unbreakable. 

I pulled the window of the car back up, seized a different phone from the passenger seat and the voice changing device, which I plugged it to the phone. I punched in her number and patiently waited for her to say the first words. I saw her looking at her phone for a few seconds, probably wondering why the caller decided to hide the number and declining my call, she put the phone back on the table.

At that moment I saw the man reaching for her left hand and slowly touched it as she smiled back to him. I don’t know why, but at that moment I felt my heart explode… in anger. Without looking on the phone, I called her again. She retracted her hand from his and turned over her phone to check its display. I finally caught her attention. For several seconds she simply stared at the private number and I finally saw that curiosity got the best of her. She brought the phone to her ear and I could hear her sweet, calm voice ringing back in my ear.

_‘Yes ?’_

I waited for a couple of seconds and watched her. After building up that anticipation, I said my first words:

_‘Hello, Riley’_

Her face suddenly turned serious, her soft smile instantly vanished, her back immediately stiffened. She desperately looked around the restaurant and then outside.

_‘I take it by your silence, that you know who I am’_

I could only hear her hastened breathing. She seemed on the verge of hanging up on me, but something inside her wanted to continue the conversation. The journalist in her drove her further down a dangerous path.

_‘You know, it’s very rude to hang up on someone’_

Again, Riley was mute. She couldn’t say anything. Or perhaps she was thinking what she wanted to say, what to ask me. I’m certain she had so many questions for me, I’m sure she’d love to talk to me, but the survival instinct impaired her.

_‘Riley ? Are you still there ?’_

_‘Y-yes’_ she finally muttered.

_‘May I say, you look lovely tonight. Little black dress… suits you very well’_

_‘Oh my-’_ I heard her gasp as she stood up terrified and searched the entire room.

Her date sat up as well and wanted to help her, kept asking her questions and wanted to help dealing with whatever she seemed troubled about, but Riley was too agitated to allow him or anyone else come any closer.

_‘Excuse yourself to the bathroom’_

_‘N-no’_ she tried to say between her ragged gasps.

_‘Riley, are you listening to me ?’_

_‘Please stop, I’m hanging up’_

_‘Don’t even dare doing that or that friend of yours will suffer the consequences of your disobedience’_

_‘Oh my God, you’re... w-where- ? Please, stop!’_

_‘You’re scaring the other customers and your poor date. Stop making a scene, and go to the bathroom, so we can talk in peace’_

_‘No, I’m leaving right now’_ she almost whispered to herself but froze in place when she heard me.

_‘I really don’t want to work tonight, so please don’t force my hand. Go to the bathroom, now!’_

I patiently waited for her to cross the restaurant and the small hall to the restrooms, quietly listening to her heels hit the floor tiles. She stopped, I couldn’t hear her steps anymore, then I heard a door squealing in its hinges, a couple of other steps of hers and then nothing. 

_‘Did you just lock yourself in a stall ?’_ I asked amused.

The low whimper of hers confirmed my guess.

_‘Now, isn’t this better than all that chaos out there ? Just the two of us ?’_

_‘Please don’t hurt me’_ she started to cry softly and I could hear her leaning against the door _‘Please-’_

I listened to her pleas patiently and then stopped her.

_‘Riley ?’_

_‘Y-yes ?’_ she answered unwillingly.

_‘Take a deep breath. Go on, let me hear you’_

_‘Stop, please stop_ ’ she begged thinking I was playing with her _‘This is not funny, stop it. What do you want from me ?’_

_‘I’m going to ask you one more time. Take a deep breath’_

Although she kept whimpering, I could hear her breathing in.

_‘Good, now out’_

She exhaled but I could feel her shaking body in her jerky breathe.

_‘In and out, in and out’_ I continued in a hypnotic, low pitch voice and she obeyed religiously _‘Better ?’_

_‘Mhm’_ she hummed forcefully.

_‘Good girl’_

_‘Where are you ?’_ I heard her suddenly interrupting me.

_‘Well, well, look who's got back her nerve. Where’s the fun if I’d tell you that ?’_

_‘You’re watching me, you’re here… close’_ her trembling voice paused before the last word.

_‘I’m always watching you… Riley’_

_‘Will you kill me ?’_

_‘You think I want to kill you ?’_ I cackled.

_‘You don’t ?’_ her breath returned to normal for a split second before resuming its erratic tempo.

_‘If I really wanted that, you’d be dead long ago, don’t you think so ?’_

_‘What do you want then ?’_

_‘You’re working with someone. The other journalist’_

_‘Jed ?’_

_‘Olsen, yes’_

_‘W-what, w-why do you ask ?’_ she stuttered confused of why would I mention Danny.

_‘I just want you to send him a message’_

Riley sat silent and just listened.

_‘Are you still with me, Riley ?’_

_‘W-what’s the message ?’_ she stammered.

_‘You’_

Her lips parted away. 

I heard that subtle smack before her mouth opened up. The low, surprised gasp she let out, the prolonged exhale as her entire body suddenly went limp and fell down on the cold tiles. Her phone dropped down, its screen breaking in the process, and yet, as an accomplice, it displayed the private number as a perversity to her nightmare for a couple of more seconds before it transitioned back to the call history.

Ten minutes later... 

I’m in my car and Riley’s date was still alone at the table. I looked away and turned the ignition key when my attention got stolen by my own phone. Riley’s name popped on the screen. Reaching for it, I’m smiling like a fool.

_‘You’re good, miss Riley’_ I mumbled to myself as I stepped out of the car and ran at an apartment building nearby.

When I got inside, I made sure to climb two flights of stairs to avoid any street noises or the thunderstorm before calling her back. 

_‘Hey, why did you call me ?’_ I started in a calm tone.

She just listened. She didn’t say anything, just kept as quiet as possible. I knew she tried to compare the background noise with what she heard before from Ghost Face's call.

_‘Miss Riley ? Are you okay ?’_

_‘Sir’_ she started with a weak, faint voice _‘Where are you ?’_

_‘Home, are you alright ? You sound unwell’_ I quickly answered.

_‘He’s coming for me’_ she whispered and suppressed her sobbing.

She was lost. 

She didn’t know anymore who was who, who she should trust, but she also knew that if her hunch was right and I was Ghost Face, I was her only chance for survival. Only I could save her. I was 100% certain that she was very confused at that point.

_‘Sh-, sh-, Riley, where are you ?’_

_‘He said…’_ she started to cry.

_‘Who said ? Riley, who did you talk to ?’_

_‘Him, it was him’_

_‘Ghost Face ?’_

_‘Yes, sir. Please make it stop’_ she started to beg me.

That moment I realized that despite my attempts to throw her off track, she still suspected me, in fact she was set to believe it was me. She wasn’t just in shock and talking nonsense, she was actually asking me, Danny Johnson, to stop playing with her mind and not to kill her. She wasn’t asking Ghost Face, she was asking **_ME_ **. I could not believe her nerve.

_‘Miss Riley, are you hurt ? Is he there ? Where are you ?’_ I quickly jumped in trying to rectify her thoughts.

_‘N-no, I’m not hurt, but he-, he’s here’_

_‘Where ?’_

_‘I’m at a restaurant, and he saw me, he was watching me, he said-’_

_‘Miss Riley, where are you right now ?’_

_‘Please don’t-’_ she kept mumbling hopeless.

_‘Are you talking to me ?’_

_‘Stop playing with me’_

_‘Riley, who are you talking to ?’_ I raised my voice as she kept talking to me as if I was her persecutor.

_‘Y-yoou, sir, you. Stop it! I know you want me off the case, but this-, this is just cruel’_

_‘Are you seriously accusing me of this ? I’m hanging up on you.’_

_‘No, no, please, he’s coming after me’_

**_‘Nobody_ ** _is coming after you, Riley’_ I yelled at her _‘Have you been drinking ?’_

_‘Yes, I mean, no, just a little-’_ I heard her sitting up and she resumed with a shaking voice _‘He saw me in the restaurant. He said he wants me to give you-’_

_‘Me ? Give me what ?’_

_‘A message’_ she choked on her words.

_‘What message ?’_

I just heard her crying harder on the phone.

_‘Riley, what’s the message ?’_

_‘Me’_ she whispered.

_'I don't understand’_

_‘Me, I’m your message’_ she wept and gasped several times for air as she rendered herself breathless.

_‘Tell me where are you’_

_‘In the bathroom’_

_‘Are you alone ?’_

_‘Y-yes’_ she hummed between breaths at the sudden realization of how vulnerable she was in there.

_‘You need to get out and stay in the crowd, stay in public places. If you believe he’s after you, don’t isolate yourself. Did you call the police ? Or perhaps the detective ?’_

_‘No’_

_‘Why not ?’_

_‘Because he’d remove me from this case’_

_‘You value this more than your life ?’_ I asked her, somehow surprised.

_‘He probably used a burner phone, what’s the point in going to the police ?’_ she tried to justify her decision.

Smart girl. She was scared, she was terrified, but she kept her wits about her. She analyzed everything even under those stressful circumstances.

_‘Very well, it’s your decision, but get out of there. Were you alone at the restaurant ?’_

_‘No... shit-’_ she cursed as she covered her sniffles _‘I-, I was with somebody. A date-’_

_‘Okay, ask him to take you home’_

_‘No’_

_‘No ?’_

_‘He’d get the wrong idea and-’_

_‘Yes ?’_

_‘I-, I did drink a little bit too much for my own good. I am tipsy… my head hurts. I'm afraid he'd see that as an invitation and -, well, honestly, judging on how awful and stressed I am, I might do something I'd regret tomorrow morning.'_

_'I understand. Then, get out and take a cab back home'_

_‘Could you please stay on the phone with me ?’_

When I heard her request, as much as her lack of trust bothered me, I couldn't not appreciate and admire her intelligence. She was making sure she’d get back home safe, because she still thought I was the killer.

_‘Of course’_

We chatted the whole ride to her apartment, and she made sure to apologize for jumping at my throat, although I wasn’t that sure anymore if she actually meant it. She blamed that rushed judgment on her drinking and stress, but I knew better. As much as she tried to keep the fact she believed I was Ghost Face a secret, that night she failed miserably. 

In fact, she just granted me more power and opportunities to follow up on this matter in future conversations with her. Something I couldn't do before, because that would give away my own secret of how I found out she was suspecting me. 

She thanked me for being there again for her and although I offered to do something different the next day or just cancel the whole thing, she insisted on going to the shooting range and teaching her how to use the gun.

Because I am very familiar with shooting ranges, indoor and outdoor, but especially with that particular one and they knew me for a while, knew I possessed a gun license for many, many years, I requested for that reserved hour to be alone for a surcharge. The shooting range officer went over several range safety rules, which I already knew and asked etiquette questions, making sure all formalities were completed according to the law. 

After filling up some forms, we were offered a pair of eye protection and ear muffs each. Once we put them on, we headed down the hallway to the shooting range. For that extra fee I paid, we had the luxury of being alone, we had the liberty to talk about anything we wanted, and Riley clearly felt more comfortable for being new to this as there was no one to judge or make it feel like competition. She placed the bag on the counter of our chosen lane and I instructed her to open it and check where the gun was pointing at. She let me know it was actually pointing to the right, towards me and at my request, she moved the bag so that the gun pointed down the lane, towards our target.

_'Now you can take it out, always keeping it parallel with the floor and always pointing at the target.'_

She grabbed the Glock and its magazine.

_'Pull the slider and check its chamber'_ I continued and she followed my request by showing me the empty chamber _'Good, now remember, whenever you want to step back, or switch with another shooter, you unload the gun, place it on the counter with its slider blocked and on its left side to expose the chamber'_

_'Got it'_

_'Slap the magazine in, pull the slider-'_ my eyes climbed down from her tensioned face to her hands and I stopped giving her instructions.

I walked slowly at her and she shifted her head quickly to her right, looking at me anxious. Carefully, I moved closer to her and reaching for her right hand, I asked for permission to touch hers. Though she was shaking and her hands were trembling on the gun, she did give me the greenlight.

_'Why are you nervous ?'_ I asked as I wrapped my hand around hers to help her relax.

_'I don't know_ ' her voice came out strangulated _'I guess I just realized how serious this is. When you have a gun, you never think about what it actually means, what it can do, but now… when I heard all the things you and the range officer just told me, the way you want me to operate it, I realized how serious and dangerous this is'_

_'I'm sorry, it wasn’t my intention to make you feel that way’_ I moved behind her and grabbed her left hand, slowly directing it to the gun's slider _'Here, pull it’_

She dragged the slider towards her and let it snap right back. I helped lifting her gun a little bit and turning my head back at her, I asked her:

_'Are you ready ?'_

_'Yes'_ she gulped as her hands gripped the handle tighter.

_'Lean slightly forward'_ I simultaneously pushed her back with one hand and gently pressed on her chest backwards with the other one ' _Straight arms, firm grip, not overly squeezed, not too loose either.’_

Without realizing, as I tried to correct her stance, we got so intimate that it came to my attention only when I asked her to look down the gun’s sight and she looked up to me instead. Her face was so close to mine I could feel her uneven breath.

_‘You should never take your eyes off your target’_ I muttered though both of us refused to break eye contact.

_'My hands-'_ she tried to speak but her gaze fell down from my eyes to my moving lips. 

I felt her hands shaking in my own grip. Her whole body subtly quivered as she struggled to control her hands.

_‘You really need to relax’_ I released her hands and tapped her shoulders to force them to drop down _‘That’s better. Now... gently… pull the trigger!’_

With a slow squeeze, her Glock 17 recoiled in her hands, although not too much. I backed away and she took another shot. I could see a shy smile surfacing on her face. 

_'How does it feel ?'_

_'Will you judge me if I say great ?'_

_'On the contrary'_ I smirked.

_'Would you like to take a shot ?'_

_'Sure'_ in all honesty I ached to get my hands on a gun again.

She lowered the gun, took out the magazine, pulled the slider and removed the bullet in the chamber before placing the gun on the counter.

_'You're a fast learner'_ I walked by the counter and slammed the magazine back in .

I extended my arms, looked down the sight and suddenly a nostalgic feeling seized my mind. I shot three bullets in the target's head and as I heard Riley’s compliments, I somehow heard my father’s praises when, as a child, I’d hit the empty bourbon bottles in our backyard. 

_'Have you ever been forced to use a gun ?'_ Riley’s question brought me back to reality.

My back straightened up, I tilted my head to a side and beckoned to her to switch places.

_'Your turn_ ' I handed her the unloaded gun.

As she prepared it again, she peeked once back at me and resumed:

_'Well ?'_

_'No, I did not'_ I shook my head and let my back rest against the wall behind her.

_'What about other weapons ?'_ she raised her gun and pointed it to her target.

I squinted my eyes as I watched her taking a shot and the noise filled the silence between us for a spare second.

_'Do you want to ask me something else ?_ ' 

A second shot followed and I saw her bringing down her elbows. I watched her sitting silently in that same position before she’d unload the gun and place it back on the counter. She leaned over it for a moment before turning around and facing me. Hugging her chest, she raised her look and started in a low voice.

_‘I’m sorry, that was rude and accusatory of me’_

_‘It wouldn’t be the first time’_ my eyes raised from my boots to her face.

_‘I- apologize for yesterday’s-’_ she stopped and I saw her pursing her lower lip.

Another lingering pause caught us both staring at each other. I think we were both trying to read each other’s mind, we were both wondering if we should really trust the person in front of us. I let my eyelids close for a split second and ponderously I opened my eyes to look at Riley’s sad face.

_‘How are you holding it up ? It must’ve been quite scary last night.’_

_‘Will you try to convince me to quit the case ?’_ she asked in such a low voice I almost had to read her lips.

_‘I’m not doing anything, Riley. I’m just concerned’_

_‘Can I trust you won't try to persuade me into giving up the Ghost Face case if I'm being honest with you ?’_

_‘You don't trust me ?’_ I forced a smile.

‘ _No, of course I do, I do, really’_ she stammered.

‘ _So, how do you feel then ?’_

_‘Exhausted and tired and… sometimes I feel like I’m not alive, like I’m in a constant dream. I haven't slept well for a few days. I always feel watched, followed, as if he is expecting me to make a mistake so he can put an end to what he started. I'm so scared and feel so vulnerable that I’m too afraid to go out after dusk’_

_‘What about last night ?’_

_‘Last night I made a stupid mistake. I thought I should try going back to my life, but I realized not only I was endangering myself, but others as well. I thought I could-, nevermind, there's no turning back for me now’_

_‘You felt alone ?’_

Riley raised her head and started nibbling on her lips again before she nodded embarrassed.

_‘Since I’ve been lured into this macabre world, since I started working on this case, I lost contact with my social life. I had friends and dates trying to help me get out and return to a normal life, but I can’t really do it anymore. Not after seeing what I’ve seen, not after being so close to-’_ she paused for a heavy gulp _‘to his victims, to the victims’ families, listening to their stories, to their pain, being stalked by that same killer I am chasing down. I can’t really go back to dating and having a normal life, can I ? But last night, I-, I don’t know, I just thought I am the only one in control and that I shouldn’t allow my job screwing a potentially beautiful life. I needed to feel alive, a human being, not a dead man walking. I wanted to talk about anything else but murders, corpses and death. I wanted to feel like a woman again, not just a sack of meat and bones, to feel desired… in a healthy way, but-’_ Riley’s voice broke.

_‘You know you're not though, right ?'_

_‘I’m not what ?’_ she sniffled.

_‘A sack of meat and bones, a dead man walking. You know you are much more than that, right ?’_

Riley scoffed and turned her head to her left avoiding my persistent look.

_‘And most certainly you are not alone’_ I added and I saw her suddenly shifting her eyes on me.

_‘Of course I am. And all I can see, every damn night, is the image of my body mangled and eviscerated in my own apartment like a-, like some sort of an animal, like a fucking gutted fish… and there’s nobody to find me. I get these flashes of images where he attacks me, I can feel his knife piercing my guts, I can feel my life slipping away and it's a horrible experience. I see myself floating above my corpse and I look down at my body, dead, cold... alone. It's absolutely terrifying to see how much power a stranger has over me when I never granted it to him in the first place. I'm constantly afraid and my heart always skips a beat when a man starts walking towards me in the night. I get these mental pictures where these men, strangers in the night, grab me and shove me in some dark alley just to slit my throat. I sometimes have to stop on my track and wait for the stranger to move on. I sometimes turn back. And last night-, I can't even begin to describe what was going on in my head’_ she stopped to take a deep breath.

_‘He just wanted to scare you.’_ I reasoned with her.

_‘That’s not it’_ she gasped and let herself go, tears streaming down her face _‘That’s not all…’_ she continued in between her low sobs.

_‘What do you mean ?’_ my brows scrunched in confusion.

_‘I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I didn’t go out yesterday because I wanted to feel alive or whatever I said. I mean-, I did it for that too, but that was just my excuse for something deeper. I’m so messed up, Mr. Johnson’_ she covered her face and turned her back.

_‘Miss Riley ?’_ I left my spot and walked cautiously towards her.

‘ _Whenever I get those images of him killing me, whenever I think a stranger on the street will grab me and kill me in some dark corner of this city… I feel- ugh-, GOD, it’s disgusting-’_ she coughed several times as she denied herself the truth.

_‘You can tell me, I won’t judge you, I won’t think any less of you’_ I approached her and stopped a couple of steps behind her.

_‘I hope he’ll do it. I hope he’ll kill me-, when I experience those dreadful moments, I feel… well, scared and disgusted, but- then, oh God, it’s horrible’_ she shook her head in denial over and over until she resumed in a louder voice _‘I like the feeling. I-, I think subconsciously I went out yesterday because I want this to happen, because I want Ghost Face to-’_

_‘Stop it!’_ I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in my arms and she immediately crashed into my chest sobbing harder _‘You’re not fucked up, you’re not disgusting and- most definitely you don’t want to die. It’s just a fantasy, a dark one, sure, but it’s just a way your brain is coping with the stress you are in, don’t be so hard on yourself. Riley, look at me’_ I pushed her chin up _‘You don’t want to die, right ?’_

_‘Do you know how it feels to realize someone who wants you dead is watching you… constantly ? To tell you how you’re dressed, describe what you do, what you said, give you orders, to listen to its commands because otherwise other people will suffer ?’_

_‘Riley, he doesn’t want you dead. You said it yourself, he was there last night and he let you go. It’s quite clear he just wants to mess with your mind. You can’t let him get inside your head’_

_‘He’s already in my head, what else does he want ?’_ her dark eyes pinned on mine as if she was asking me those questions, almost begging me to answer her _‘I don’t know what to do anymore. Will he hurt others to make me suffer ? Will he stop if I stop looking for him ? What does he want from me ? What does he want ? Because I’m losing my mind’_

_‘Something you’re so willingly giving to him- your sanity. You'll soon turn so volatile, reckless, make mistakes, get so paranoid that you won’t trust anyone anymore, you will see enemies where there aren’t any and slowly, in time, nobody will believe you anymore. Everything you will say, everything you will do, will mean absolutely nothing, because people will know you’ve had a breakdown. Police won’t listen to you. No matter what you’d tell them_ ’ I stopped for emphasis and hint to her what I really meant with that _‘They won’t believe any single word from you. Do you understand what he’s trying to do now ? He is pushing you into isolation, he wants you to be alone, he wants you to be afraid and helpless. Paranoid and untrustful. And that’s what you did last night... with me. I tried to help you and you started accusing me of hurting you’_

_‘I-’_ she paused as she was pondering on my words _‘I didn’t mean to-’_

I wasn’t sure she was buying my story, but she looked very confused. At least she was considering my words.

_‘Do you really believe I’m Ghost Face ?’_ I finally asked her and she let her head drop.

_‘N-no, no, please, I don’t know. I’m sorry I insinuated it, I-’_ she shook her head several times before looking back at me _‘Mr. Johnson, I’m losing my mind_ ’ she ended as she sat her forehead on my chest.

Without granting her that mercy, I lifted her chin to look me in the eye.

_‘Do you believe I am Ghost Face ?’_ my warm breath blowing over her shaking lips caused her hair to rise on her neck.

She gasped for air once in a failed attempt to gain courage to speak her mind when she heard my following question:

_‘Do you believe_ **_I_ ** _would hurt you ?’_

Riley closed her eyes and let her head down again. Her mind was torn apart. She could not think clearly. 

_‘Mr. Johnson’_ she mumbled _‘I don’t know anything anymore. Please understand he did this to me, I’m doubting myself now, let alone the fact you could be him. Of course I wouldn’t want you to be him, because... ‘_ she exhaled with difficulty in my shirt before I heard her resuming in a constricted voice _‘It would be so... damn hard for me... to... hate you’_

_‘Miss Riley, do you know what really matters ?’_ I cupped her lower jaw and brought her face to my level _‘What you believe’_

Her eyes danced all over my face. Her hot, chocolate scented breath warmed my face as she started whispering.

_‘I believe... you are a good man’_

I leaned further over her face until I could smell her lipstick.

_‘I am’_ I whispered too.

_‘I believe you are an honest man’_ she blinked once and watched my lips parting away preparing for an answer.

_‘I am’_

_‘I believe you... care for me’_ she opened her eyes slowly and looked deep into mine as if she could tell if I’d lie.

I grazed her left arm gently and I saw her closing her eyes again, taking in everything my touch offered her. As I reached her collarbone, I ran my fingers across her neck and grabbing hold of her scruff, I told her:

_‘I do’_

With a low gasp and her eyes still closed, she continues as if she was in a trance:

_‘I believe you are… very sad’_

Once she finished her sentence I saw her opening her eyes and looking back at me expectantly. The corners of my lips curled subtly. I pulled her head closer, finally completing that insignificant distance between us. I softly brushed her wet, sweet and sticky lips with mine and mumbled my answer:

_‘I am’_

Once she heard me, she let herself go and indulged into my soft, short-lived kiss. When I stopped, I heard her muttering again:

_‘I believe…’_

_‘Yes ?’_ I encouraged her to speak.

_‘That you... are...’_ she gulped the knot in her throat. 

_‘I am- ‘_ I echoed so close to her mouth we were practically kissing again.

_‘Ghost Face’_ we both stopped and she shifted her nervous gaze from my lips onto my eyes and waited.

I blinked slowly and rewarded her with a big smile once I noticed how her entire body started trembling uncontrollably in my arms as she dreaded my answer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, new chapter came sooner. I was heavily inspired and in the mood to write. Plenty of ideas 😄
> 
> Get ready for a LOT of action... good and bad 🔥🔥, if you catch my drift. Enjoy!

It was one of those chilly autumn nights, when you feel blessed you’ve finally defeated the hot weather and that annoying humidity which caused my hands to get clammy on the steering wheel day and night. 

I hate that sticky feeling, being sweaty and dirty. I never enjoyed that feeling of sweaty palms, that stickiness of your skin in the merciless and torrid summer afternoons. I always felt dirty that way… even burdened.

The chilly, slightly windy night shrouded my body in a dark, cold, yet comfortable embrace, soothing my burning skin, balancing my adrenaline rush, carrying me on new, uncharted peaks of thrills. I gently wrapped my hands around the chrome railing at the balcony and I heard that satisfying, subtle squeak of my leather gloves pleasantly singing to my ears in that deadly silence. My head turned slightly to my left as I heard a set of keys rattling in the door’s lock. The reflection of my mask stared back at me as I slowly turned around to face the gloomy living room. I smiled behind my mask and suddenly my gaze shifted from my own image to her. I approached the glass door and reaching for its handle, I carefully and silently slid the door open as I watched her turn on the lights in the main hall. She took off her trench coat and hung it in the hall along her purse. Before she’d advance deeper inside her apartment, I slipped inside the living room unnoticeably. I saw her locking the door and then removed her shoes, throwing them on the ground recklessly. 

With a low yawn and extending her arms above her head in an attempt to stretch her body, she walked towards the kitchen. I looked at her moving around so carefree, so relaxed, from her only armchair she had in the living room. I almost regretted I didn’t bring my camera to record her because she started to hum a song, happily rocking her hips left and right in what seemed a silly yet flirtatious dance. For some reason, I smirked at her attitude. The way she sat there, in front of the open fridge, swaying her hourglass figure before my eyes, it felt like... she did it to my benefit. Pity… I wish I could’ve immortalized that moment. Where was my damn Philly anyway ? I should’ve had it with me… weird.

Lights went off as soon as she closed the fridge’s door and she reached for the switch in the kitchen. I finally could see her more than a dark shape. She removed a glass from a cupboard and poured some water from a bottle she got from the fridge. She did not stop humming that song even though she drank the water. She didn’t stop her motion either… not until she turned towards the living room. The dim lights in the main hall and the kitchen offered her a faint glimpse of myself. The glass of water in her hand fell down on the marbled floor and smashed at her feet. 

She froze and stared at me. Her head turned to her left, at the main hall and then back at me. I slowly sat up and she started to run. I dashed a couple of steps forward and caught her. 

I seized her scruff and with a sharp move, I knocked her head once on the kitchen counter. Her forehead instantly bruised. I leaned over and pinned her quickly over the counter. Her eyes darted to the electric stove nearby and the wok resting on top of it. She snatched it quickly and nimbly shifted to her left hitting my left shoulder. I hit her hand hard enough to make her drop the wok on the ground. The crunching sound under my boots let me know I stepped over the broken glass and I quickly dragged her through the tiny sharp shards. Her bare feet slipped a couple of times on the wet tiles as she struggled to keep away from that area, but I jerked her towards me harder and soon I heard her scream as the glass pierced her soles.

She suppressed her following moans and dashed to a side to run towards the living room. The chase was tight and I didn’t lose her, not even for five feet. She reached for the vase on the coffee table and threw it to my direction, but I easily dodged it and we both witnessed the glass shattering against the wall. She tried to go around the table to gain some distance, but I predicted that action of hers and I kicked the table forward, blocking her between the couch and the armchair. Before she would jump over it to escape, I snatched her neck and tossed her on a couch quickly unsheathing my knife. 

Her eyes widened and she jumped up trying to push me over the table but the moment she attempted to tip me over, she bounced off my chest as if I was made of stone. I buried my hand in her throat and pushed her back onto the couch launching one straight hit. She moved her head to a side and let the blade plunge into the couch. Her hands clenched on my forearm. I squeezed her throat harder until she let out a squeal and looked at me desperately begging for air. When I prepared for my second swing, she released my forearm and surprisingly pulled me closer to her by yanking on my coat’s collar.

Her face touched my mask and we heard each other’s intensified, labored breathing as I missed the second stab. Without wasting any second, she caught my armed hand and moved her head closer to it, biting on my forearm causing me to release her throat and let out a suppressed groan.

Seeing I backed away for a split second, she tried to crawl away from under my weight, but I snapped out of my awe and stuck the knife in her right hand as she reached for the couch’s armrest. I pulled out the knife and heard the woman crying as she curled down on the floor in pain, holding her hand to the chest. I stood up and filled my fist with her hair, pulling her up to face me. She stared at the knife in my other hand and then at my mask. The head trauma she experienced before, combined with all the struggle she put up with left her with little to no vigor in her body. She let herself being lifted up and the moment we faced each other, her wounded hand slowly reached for my mask:

_‘If you’ll kill me… at least face me!_ ’ she whispered and the second her hand touched my mask, staining it with her bloodied fingers, I let the knife fall down and caught her palm in an iron grip forcing out of her throat another prolonged groan.

Her whole body went limp, and she slowly let herself slip away from my grasp, leaving a smudged half print of her hand on my mask. I thought she gave up, I thought that was it for her, but I was so wrong. She was a fighter and the second she slipped down, she grabbed my collar forcing me to follow her motion. As I kneeled down, I see her releasing me and vaulting over the couch, sprinting down the main hall. I quickly recovered my knife, jumped over the couch as well and snatched her from behind.

I filled my right hand with locks of her hair and my other hand pushed onto her waist until she hugged the door. Her heart pitter-pattered as I lowered my head to her level and brought my mask close to her neck.

Pulling out my knife again, I grazed the cold steel up her outer thigh, rolling up her dress. She flinched and stared at the blade reaching her hip. It slowly traced half of her waist and stopped on her lower back, hovering above the kidney. She felt the tip of the knife slowly pressuring the skin. 

Seeing me I delayed the moment, she hit my hand and pushed onto the door.

I coiled my arm around her chest when she kicked into the door and backed away with her still in my embrace. I fell down on my back and she followed over me. She spun around and sat on top of me. Her hands rushed at the mask, but I was quicker and grabbed them both, pulling her closer to me and reversing our position.

She fought my hands away from her throat and pushed me off her. I backed away on one knee and she jumped towards my knife. I snatched one of her legs, causing her to land on her elbows. She extended one arm towards the weapon, but I dragged her backwards.

Nimbly she released her leg from my clutches and kicked my chest. I let out a painful grunt as my lungs decompressed and left me breathless. She lunged after the knife and the moment she grasped its handle, she saw me above her, stepping on her wrist. The blood flow stopped reaching her fingers and the bones got so constricted that her palm curled unwillingly.

I bent after my knife, still holding her wrist trapped under my boot, and shook my head disappointed. She tried to grab my foot but I slashed my knife once wounding her other palm too. With a low yelp she backed away and watched me moving my boot to a side allowing the blood flow to reach her inert hand.

Panting, she crawled away until she met the wall and sat up. She looked up at me and slamming each hand on either side of her head I trapped her between my arms.

I also kept the knife in place in my right palm against the wall. Pent up, she moved her head to the left and stared at it desperately. So close…, she could risk taking it again. I know she was aching to try it again. I even wished she’d try. I’ve never fought someone for so long. No victim of mine had me work so hard for it. It felt quite rewarding. Like I deserved the kill. Like I earned it. She was so perfect… 

I suddenly saw her shifting her look from my weapon to my mask and yanking my collar again, she tried to kick me in the crotch, but I quickly blocked her knee. Obviously, that action of mine cost me her escape. She sprinted back in the living room where I caught up with her again. I lunged after her waist and hooking her, I tossed her over the couch causing the woman to tumble over the backrest and fall down, hitting her temple over the coffee table in the process.

She tried to shake the dizziness out of her head, but she only managed to get it worse. She made an effort to stand up, but instantly felt my arm wrapping around her neck, strangling her close to my chest. Struggling to wiggle free from my grip, she slowly started to close her eyes in what seemed to be her defeat. When I heard her giving out a strangled moan, I loosened up my grasp and hurled her back on the couch.

I looked at her as she stared back at me dazed. I let the blade of my hunting knife run over her left arm, up to the shoulder and she instinctively closed her eyes, until she noticed I captured the fallen dress’ thin strap under the blade and placed it back on her shoulder.

Confused by my careful act, she looked up at me for a split second before she noticed me arming my knife. Her face quickly darted to the right and looked behind her at the exit door. I read her mind and before she’d escape me I managed to rip a piece of the lower part of her dress. She rushed to the door but not to escape. No.

I saw her reaching for her purse, digging her hand inside and taking out the gun. She pulled the slider and as she turned towards me, I rushed to catch her hand above her head and slammed her back against the side wall. She didn’t let go of the gun though. Neither did I let go of her hand.

I cupped my free hand around her throat and she fought as much as she could to keep the gun in her grasp, but eventually her hand had to let go of it. The gun fell down with a loud thud and I kicked it away behind me. Helplessly, her eyes followed the gun sliding on the floor.

Being on the verge of fainting, she let her entire weight in my hand, causing me to let go of her. I took out my knife again and saw her crawling on all fours at the gun. The second she seized it, she shifted on her back and took a shot. Her hand trembled on the gun’s handle as she saw I didn’t react in any way to the wound. I merely lowered my head to my left shoulder and glanced back at her. I couldn’t believe she actually shot me.

If she could, she’d see the rage in my squinting eyes. I squashed her hand on the gun causing her to surrender it in a painful scream. I tossed the weapon in the living room and kneeling over her, I jammed the knife in her left shoulder. As she prepared to let out a cry I quickly placed my hand over her mouth, silencing her. I drew so close to her face, that my hand was the only barrier between our faces. I wanted her to see only my mask as I started to twist the knife in her shoulder. The excruciating pain caused her to pass her right arm around my torso and dig her nails into my back in a desperate attempt to ease her agony. She squirmed in my gloved hand as I pulled out the knife and watched the light in her eyes slowly dimming down as I stabbed her in the stomach two more times.

I released her mouth and pulled away from her face when I saw her left hand hardly raising towards my face. She caressed the right cheek of my mask softly and gave me a smile.

_‘I forgive you… Mr. Johnson. I know… you are… a good man_ ’ she let her hand fall down on her chest and slowly closed her eyes.

_‘Now what ?’_ I whispered to myself.

I looked at Riley _‘What did I do ? She didn’t deserve this… she didn’t deserve such a death’_

Whenever I killed I felt exhilarated. I never felt anything for my victims. But that… this… I felt sick. I felt sad. I felt like… crying. I took off my mask and I brought my hands to my face. 

I WAS crying. 

I had a knot in my throat which second by second choked the life out of me. I felt like I couldn’t fill my lungs with air anymore. I looked at the tears on my glove. I felt a pain in my gut, such an unpleasant feeling, such a discomfort. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to say something, but no words came out of my throat. I wanted to yell, to cry, to hug Riley… to hear her again. I wanted to feel okay again, but I couldn’t breathe anymore. No matter how much I tried to breathe in, it felt worse and worse. I felt like …. Dying. It took me all the strength and will power to finally gasp for air and then I finally woke up.

I woke up sweaty, heart racing in my chest, blood booming in my temples, knots twisting in my stomach and a labored breath smothering me. I sat up in bed and bringing both hands to my face an overwhelming feeling seized me. I felt like crying. Crying in relief that it has been just a dream. 

* * *

_**(For the following scene, I got quite inspired by this song:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtJbyI-7Igw&ab_channel=TwoFeetVEVO ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtJbyI-7Igw&ab_channel=TwoFeetVEVO) ) _

The clock on the nightstand read 1:15 am. I sat up and went to the bathroom. The sound of the running water calmed me down. I splashed the icy water on my face, but it did nothing other than amplify the adrenaline’s effect, still flowing in my veins. I was shivering. I never experienced something like that ever before. The buzzer at my door startled me. It felt like I was still in that dream, as if I didn’t wake up yet. I threw a towel over my shoulder and dabbed my body as sweat drops were sneakily finding their way down my chest and back. 

Stopping by the door, I looked through the peephole and recognized Riley. I opened the door automatically.

_‘Miss Riley ? What are you doing out at this hour ?’_

She raised her look from my bare chest and met my confused gaze. There was so much emotion in those dark eyes of hers.

_‘I don’t know why I’m here’_ she shrugged her shoulders and continued _‘I accused you of being Ghost Face, I'm trying to prove you’re a serial killer, I’m afraid of you, I know that if you truly are him, you could kill me right here, right now and nobody would even know. I know I shouldn’t be here, but I’m more scared home alone-’_ she gulped and shook her head unable to understand her own feelings and actions.

I listened to her attentively and before I let her continue her thoughts, I stepped aside to allow her to enter my house and she slowly closed the door behind her. She looked at me somehow terrified, I noticed her hand trembling on the door and a few tears already gathering in her eyes. I’m sure she thought she made her biggest mistake, yet she didn’t back away in any way, in fact she rested her back against the door and glanced at me expectantly. I leaned over her and reached for the door knob. She looked down at my hand turning the key in the lock and gulped visibly nervous. Her chest swelled again and again in failed attempts to provide her the necessary oxygen. 

_‘I shouldn’t have come here’_ she whispered realizing her presumed mistake.

_‘No, you should have not’_ I pressed my weight against her body and grabbed her face _‘It’s very dangerous to walk the streets so late at night... alone’_ I ended and let my lips softly brush against hers.

Riley’s mind seemed to instantly shut down and she simply responded to my kiss. Her hands shyly grabbed my waist and carefully started to climb up my back. Needless to say we both let go to our reasoning. I honestly barely remember how things started back then or where my judgement had gone. It certainly returned after a while, but till then... I couldn’t remember how things escalated so fast, so passionately. I just know that the next thing I did was to seize her shirt in my fists and rip it open. 

We didn’t say a thing. We didn’t exchange one word, and not because she was breathing hard and I felt very hazy, like I was heavily on some strong psychotropic pills, but because there was nothing to be said. It just seemed like something that should’ve happened for quite a while, as if the whole act was long overdue and any discussion or logic brought to it would only prove to be meaningless. We just lived the moment. And since both of us were surely controlled by anything else but our brains, she pushed me further into the house constantly nibbling to my lips. Only once I’ve seen her so bold and adventurous, and again... it was with me. Funny how those tears in her eyes resembled more of a charade in contrast to her contradictory behavior. Almost like a travesty.

She started to fumble at the lace of my slacks and normally I’d stop her, I’d take lead or action, but something wasn’t quite normal for either of us that night. I also wanted to see how far she’d go and what she really wanted. This however, didn’t come from pure curiosity, it came from a perverted desire, a deep, repressed and denied pleasure of mine. I saw her loosening up my pants’ waistband and then she slowly got down on her knees before me. My lips stretched into a perverse grin. She looked so obedient, so faithful to me. The veneration in her look and attitude got me ready more than any other foreplay we could have had. I pinched her chin and raised her head to look me in the eyes. She gave me a timid smile yet she pushed me down on the couch. I see her reaching for my waistband and I finally grab her hand to stop her. At last I gained some sort of lucidity.

_‘Get up!’_ I finally spoke.

‘ _Why ?’_ she asked, surprised.

_‘Do as I say’_ I ordered and she obeyed without other protests.

She sat before my eyes, holding her hands together in front of her, clearly uncomfortable. 

_‘Take off your shirt and bra!’_

_‘What ?_ ’ she asked, abashed.

‘ _Let’s establish something first’_ I leaned on the couch making myself more comfortable _‘From now on, you won’t second guess or contest my demands. Do you understand ?’_

_‘O-kay_ ’ her voice clearly betrayed the uncertainty and fear in her mind.

_‘Take them off!’_ I repeated and watched her slowly and awkwardly removing her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts.

It looked like she was in pain… mental pain, I’d say. The way she tried to take off her bra amused me, it was almost hilarious to watch her struggling to cover herself for as long as possible when she knew she still had to end up in Eve’s clothes. That lost battle she fought granted me an immeasurable pleasure.

_‘Now, turn around!’_ I continued in a serious tone and she executed this second order faster and more willingly than the first one as this one helped her conceal her nakedness _‘Take off your jeans!’_

She proceeded reluctantly to unbutton and unzip her jeans and hardly pushed them down her thighs. I could feel the discomfort in her whole body. The shame she probably felt. And she acted humiliated but honestly... I don’t know why she would feel that way- she had a body to kill for. I watched how the moonlight bounced off her perfect, round butt, enhancing all her curves and shapes.

_‘Turn around’_ I resumed and she faced me again _‘You’re very... beautiful’_

By some means my compliment relaxed her and she gave me another weak smile.

_‘Now-’_ I beckoned at her _‘Show me what you wanted to do’_

Riley approached the couch and kneeled down between my bent knees.

_‘Can I ?’_ she grabbed the waistband again with shaking hands.

_‘Are you asking for my permission ?’_

_‘I thought you’d like that’_ she raised a look at me which bore no trace of innocence anymore.

You’d think someone like Riley would be embarrassed about things like these, with her trembling hands, breaking voice and overall bashful attitude, but I knew better. I knew she was not the vanilla type of girl. She wouldn’t be sitting before a serial killer ready to give him head if she’d be someone to enjoy sex in missionary position, under a blanket. The silent, shy, seemingly quiet ones… are the wildest ones… most of the time, and Riley was no exception. She loved the danger, that constant fear she felt around me, the overflowing adrenaline. Or did I turn her into this person ? 

I smirked and cupping her lower jaw I simply nodded. She looked deep into my eyes as she dug her right hand in my pants. As soon as her soft hand wrapped around my cock, I instinctively closed my eyes and let my head fall back. She gave me a few gentle strokes, running up and down my length, getting me harder than I could ever be. Slowly, she moved her face closer to my lap and pulled down the waistband. She blew one hot breath onto my cock before she’d gradually lose it inside her mouth. I let out a prolonged moan as I felt the warmth of her mouth wrapping around me. The silky, smooth lining of her cheeks delivering me an all too familiar feeling. But the way her tongue moved down the shaft, caressing it, taking its time to discover and tend to every inch of it, swirling in slow, teasing, almost torturing patterns on the tip of my cock delivered me an intense tingling sensation in my groin as blood abandoned my entire body solely to fulfil its purpose there. I remember I had to bite my lip several times in order to abstain from burying myself in the hot depths of her throat. For a split second, I glimpsed at her, but she didn’t look back at me. She was so invested, so focused on giving me that otherworldly pleasure, as if her life depended on it. Well… it could… but it wasn’t really the case. I never negotiate with my victims and should that ever happen, it certainly wouldn’t be in that way.

I watched her hand climb up my stomach and to my chest, tracing my tensed muscles, before she’d grab both my hips and pull me further down her throat. I instinctively exhaled and let my head fall back as I gently reached for the back of her head, following her slow bobbing motion without forcing her in any direction. Though I simply rested my hand on her head for support, she seized it and pushed down onto her head over and over. I understood her desire and took the lead, shoving my cock down her throat as deep as possible at a moderate rate. 

She trapped my already fat cock between her index and middle fingers and then as she slowly went downwards, her mouth trailed the fingers closely down the shaft. The whole experience felt surreal, the tight opening of her fingers followed by her moist and soft lips gave an authentic sensation.

I heard her gagging several times, her sloppy mouth sliding up and down my already throbbing member, filling my ears with an arousing sound I never thought I’d enjoy before. I wanted to stop when I heard her coughing and choking on me, but she urged me to keep pushing her head down and of course, like the gentleman that I am… I complied.

I heard her moaning in pleasure, though she was choking and gagging in discomfort, coughing in pain, she kept going, she wanted more and more as if she wanted to discover her own limits. At that point, the act itself wasn’t arousing me anymore, instead, her desire to end up in that constant discomfort and being in pain kept me going. I stared at her as tears streamed down her cheeks and I never felt so excited. 

My eyes squinted at her figure. Of course the sadist in me already fantasized at how much she could take. I watched her and imagined her tied up by the metal bar I use for push ups. I almost could hear her begging and asking me to punish and hurt her and oh… I’d be so happy to make her wishes come true. I knew she’d regret her decision if I’d tie her up and started to play with my knife on her body, yet all I could think of was to run the cold blade all over her soft body, see her shivering at each touch… trace her glistening neck and chest with the tip of the knife slowly, drawing blood in a very thin line, enough to feed my twisted desire and to keep her scared, excited and alive. These thoughts brought me closer to my climax rather than her passionate fellatio. I suddenly pulled out of my fantasy and saw her pausing to look at me worried.

_‘What is it ? Am I doing it wrong ?’_ she used two fingers to clean her wet chin and stuck them in her mouth, licking them clean. 

I loved that image. I brought my hand to her face and softly brushed the back of it against her cheek before she caught it. She grabbed my index and middle fingers and slowly, she slipped them between her barely open lips, almost forcing them through the small opening, perfectly emulating penetration. A sudden drop in blood pressure in my abdomen had me feel what most people describe as butterflies in their stomach.

_‘No, that’s not it’_ I answered automatically _‘Why do you ask ?’_

_‘You seem absent, disconnected all of a sudden’_ she reasoned ‘ _Do you want me to do it differently ?’_

I smiled at her.

_‘What you do is perfectly fine’_ I carefully wiped some stray teardrops from her eyes.

_‘You lie’_ she tilted her head to a side to cling to my palm _‘There’s something on your mind, I can see it in your eyes. You've changed’_ Riley resumed squeezing my thighs in both her palms.

_‘I was imagining your arms... tied up... above my bedroom door’_

_‘What ?’_ her eyebrows pinched surprised at my confession.

_‘I have this metal bar mounted above my bedroom room that I use for my push ups… I kept picturing your arms hanging by it’_

We shared a profound look. Her hands slowly slid away from my legs and she backed away whispering, slightly reserved:

_‘And then what ?’_

My soft, subtle smile had turned into a grin and she clearly interpreted it correctly.

_‘You want to hurt me, don’t you ?’_ she concluded.

_‘Of course not’_ I caressed her cheek _‘I’d never hurt you’_

_‘Tell me’_ unexpectedly, she urged me.

_‘Tell you what ?’_

_‘Tell me exactly what you’d do to me’_ she sat up and straddled me on the couch.

I could feel her subtle perfume - cherry blossom scent. I let the smell invade my nostrils and closed my eyes hoping I’d preserve that memory in my brain. I looked down at her neck, danced my fingers across her chest until I met her perky breasts. My look searched for her approval and with a slow nod she muttered into my face:

_'Please tell me'_

_‘Nothing’_ I mouthed and filled my hand with her left breast, hardly pinching her small nipple between my fingers until she yelped into my ear.

I could feel how ready she was. Her underwear was soaked.

_‘Was it that horrible ? What you were thinking about ?’_ she continued as she moved aside her panties and positioned me at her overflowing entrance.

As I felt her wetness, her slick, more than ready lips slowly pulling me inside, we let out a gasp at union.

_'Please tell me'_ she begged again as I started to sink in and noticed her biting her lip and then dropping her head on my shoulder, she bit into it. 

I didn't mind it, but her stifled groans seemed for pain rather than pleasure and she didn't seem relaxed at all. There was also some resistance to my first, slow thrust in, as if she forced herself to do that. However, I did convey her request.

_'I'd take a knife-'_ I paused to check on her reaction but Riley's hunches suddenly rippled back and forth into my lap and muttered in my ear:

_'And ?'_

_'I'd let the cold steel moving down your naked body, watching you twitch and quiver every time I surprise you with its chilling touch'_

She started to breathe harder into my face as her hips gained momentum.

_'And then ? What would you do ?'_

_'I'd pivot the knife and... using its tip, I'd slowly drag it along the side of your ribcage… You'd feel tingly and ticklish… but you’re a good girl and you know you shouldn't move, right ?'_ I asked her in a low voice.

_'Is it sharp ?'_ she hummed hypnotized by my whispers.

_'Willing to test it ?'_ my tone indicated my excitement.

Riley let out a ragged moan as she heard the playfulness in my voice.

_'What else ?'_ she continued.

_'Draw… blood'_ I said, slightly reluctant to speak my mind at that point, constantly thinking she could've fool around just to discover something about me.

_'How ?_ ' she moaned but slowed down her pace when she saw me looking at her confused. _'Tell me how. I want to hear it'_ she drew small circles on my chest with her nails and encouraged me to speak.

Well, even if she’d play with me… we both could play that game. So, with a smirk I indulged the two of us.

_'First, I'd trace a very fine line from here'_ I placed my fingertip on her collarbone _'Down to here'_ I ended up somewhere between her breasts.

Riley watched my finger stopping above her heart and pursing her lips, she exhaled as she swung her hips in lower rhythmic motions.

_'What next ?'_

My eyes widened at her words and I felt blood rushing to my head, suddenly leaving me softer inside her.

_'Next ?'_ I shook my head and echoed presumably unaware of her innuendo.

_'Tell me… please'_ she grabbed my shoulders and leaned over my neck starting to nibble at my earlobe, quickly sending me over the edge.

My eyes closed feeling euphoric.

_'Fuck'_ I exhaled deeply as I felt growing back inside her.

_'What would you do next ?'_

_'Really… nothing'_ I tried to say between my breaths but my mind was racing to different places.

_'I beg of you_ ' her moans intensified and I could feel her nails clawing at my back.

I brought my hands on her hips, grabbed them tighter and started pushing her further down onto my lap.

_'I'd kiss your-'_

_'No, no'_ she stopped me quickly.

_'What would you have me do ?'_ I tried to act a fool.

_'Exactly what you're thinking of'_

_'What ?_ ' I narrowed my eyes at her, paranoid.

_'I want to hear it… please'_ she slowed down again frustrated, clearly unable to reach her climax.

My lips stretched into the dirtiest smirk I could ever foster. I knew it. I caught her throat in one hand and grabbed her butt with the other one, bucking my hips into her in a sharp thrust which rendered her breathless. She started to close her eyes as I squeezed my fingers on the sides of her neck, cutting off her blood flow.

_'I'd get behind you, cut these panties you wear and watch them fall down to your ankles, then... grab your hips and let my cock slip in between your legs until your starving, soaking cunt traps me in. You'd feel my knife moving up to your throat and... you'd know that one wrong move of yours would end your life. It gets so hard for you to stay still, to refrain from quivering in my embrace... it proves to be a difficult task for you as I constantly slip in and out of your insatiable, dripping cunt'_

Riley immediately picked up the pace and resumed her rhythmic movement. I heard her labored breath breaking from time to time as she stopped to swallow her own saliva.

_'Tell me the rest, tell me how it finishes'_ she pleaded.

_'How it ends ?_ ' I repeated in her ear softly to build up her anticipation.

_'Yes'_

_'You move'_

_'And ?'_ her chest heaved faster and faster and she desperately called my name _'Mr. Johnson, please don't stop, tell me what you'd do next… please… please...please'_ I heard her frantically panting in my face.

I let out a low chuckle at her desperate begs.

_'You’ll feel the blade pressuring onto your throat first, just to let you know what will follow… but then…’_ I paused and saw Riley gasping for air like a stranded fish on a shore begging for mercy _‘I’ll drag it gently across your throat, from one side to the other. One… slow, gentle, easy, steady... motion. The warm blood will envelope my hand and gush over your chest as I finally fill you up and your inner walls clench on my cock over… and over...and over. You will drift away and start feeling less and less awake'_ I echoed in her ear and I heard her squirm ecstatically as waves of heat filled her womb and torrents of electrical impulses discharged in her whole body _‘You finally surrender to that pleasant feeling of dizziness and warmth as your blood pressure suddenly drops. You feel almost… high. It didn't even hurt, you didn't even feel it. So… to answer your question… It’s THAT sharp’_ I let my hot breath blow in her ear and she exhaled one last time as her thighs squeezed me between them.

With heavy pants, we came down to a steadier, slower rhythm for a few seconds until we completely stopped. Riley let her head fall on my left shoulder and sat silent. My left hand ran up and down her spine until I heard her mumbling in my sweaty neck:

_'Please don't judge me'_ she moved away a bit to look me in the eyes and my hand stopped on her hip.

_'I didn't say anything'_ I quickly followed.

_'But you're thinking it'_

_'Not at all. It's just a… fantasy, right ?'_ I smiled and watched her suddenly standing up, fixing her underwear and rushing to pull her jeans on.

_'Riley'_ I noticed her agitation and fixing my own pants, I walked at her but she pulled away from my reach as if she got burned.

_'This is wrong. I just… I just remembered'_ she pointed at the wedding ring on my left hand.

_'My wife and I… got a divorce… a while ago. I meant to talk to you about it, but it ain’t an easy topic for me'_

_'Why do you still wear it then ?'_

_'It might sound crazy, but it makes my life easier in certain situations'_ I offered her the bra which I recovered from the ground.

_'I need to go, I really have to-'_

_'Riley'_ I grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face me _'You've got no reason to be embarrassed'_

_'I feel so stupid and…'_

_'Did you feel uncomfortable at any point ?'_

_'N-no, no, that's not it. On the contrary, it felt amazing, I've never actually… never mind'_

_'You never what?'_

_'Nothing'_ she muttered, turning her back at me to hook up her bra.

It was then when it hit me. 

The trembling hands, the difficulty she had to get naked in front of me, the resistance I experienced as I penetrated her although she was dripping all over my slit. Why was it still hard for me to believe it though ? Was it her insanely experienced blowjob or that one look she gave me as she prepared to do it ? 

_'You weren't a virgin, were you ?'_ I asked, still doubting my intuition.

_'I gotta go'_ she quickly fixed her shirt and rushed down my hall.

_'Riley, wait a second'_ I stopped her before the door _'You weren't, right ?'_

_‘The way you ask it makes it seem horrible’_ she barely looked me in the eyes and moved around me.

The corners of my mouth pinched. Of course it wasn’t a bad thing… in fact… it was perfect. She was mine. I’ve gained so much power over her and she alone allowed this to happen. 

_‘I didn’t mean to make it sound- ’_ I tried to hold her but she yanked the door’s lock and opened it ‘ _Riley!’_ I called after her but she rushed down the alley, crossed the street to get in her car and drove off with a tire squeal.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting that, but at least now she’s no longer a virgin. You all know what that means, right ? She's a fair kill. It’s the rules...


	10. Chapter 10

The Roseville college campus was swamped with people, like there was some sort of celebration. I just remember the hectic feeling I experienced as I saw so many living souls gathered there just to see what happened, what _**I**_ did. Of course the body of that poor student wasn’t there anymore, only the dried blood pool on the stairs to the main entrance remained to tell a horrific story. So many reporters, so many police officers, so many students running around the college grounds, almost like headless chicken, as if they were driven by another mind other than theirs - zombies. The fear was rearing its ugly head on almost everyone’s figure. The anxiety, the terror… yet, a disturbing, uncontrollable desire to witness it, forced all of them to learn more about the crime, especially the youth… they are always attracted by this gory stuff, as if it’s a joke to them. Perhaps it was… for all of us. The universal, ultimate joke I play on all.

Riley was already talking to some students when I made my way through the crowd. I was several times stopped by other reporters to offer them some sort of inside information. They were aware I held more details about the crime than anyone else in there, as I was closely collaborating with the police, and those vultures never failed to come prey on the weak. Drawn by the smell of decay and death. Pity, they never saw my true self and never acknowledged that I was the bigger predator there. They weren’t eligible even for my leftovers in my eyes. Obviously I said nothing, and I could see their frustration beaming out their eyes and mouths. When I approached Riley, I heard one student talking, while two other female friends of his were standing close by him, listening to his words as if they were trying to make sure he didn’t say anything wrong.

_‘Nothing they said was true about her. They don't even know her’_

_‘You mean the press ?’_

_‘Of course. “A kind, sweet girl, on her way to becoming a successful lawyer ?” That’s bullshit’_

_‘But you knew her ?’_

_‘The real her, sure, not that pretty picture you’re trying to paint there in the newspaper’_

_‘And how was she ?’_

_‘She was a troublemaker, wasting time with the wrong crowd, always putting it out there like she was some kind of a special snowflake, the best, the prettiest, the smartest. She mocked most of the other girls in her class, humiliated them for being different’_

I noticed the two girls behind him nodded at his statement. 

_‘I know it’s not okay to speak ill of the dead, but she just got what was coming for her’_

_‘You think she deserved it-’_ Riley commented and took a quick note.

_‘She definitely had to be taught a lesson, suffer some consequences for the way she was and acted. Perhaps this was a bit too harsh, but something bad was prone to happen’_

_‘So, she had a lot of enemies and people that hated her’_ Riley noted something.

_‘What are you writing there ? Stop that!’_ he grabbed the pen and her notepad and ripped apart the page and threw it to her chest.

Riley bent down to retrieve the piece of paper, but the man pushed her and I caught her before she fell down.

_'Be careful what you write, journalist, you never know who you might piss off'_

_'I'm quite sure it won't be the serial killer, so are you talking about yourself ?_ ' she grabbed the crumpled paper and snatched back her pen from his hand.

_'Are you being a smartass ?'_ the young man stepped forward ready to attack her again when I placed myself between him and Riley and cut his wings before he would take his leap.

_'Kid, we're just doing our job. So, considering what you just said and how you act in regards to this topic, I suggest you talk to us, or we talk to someone else, someone who might’ve liked Jane and despise your little group... and-’_ I paused and lowered my head to his level to whisper loud enough so the two girls next to him could hear as well _‘We might tell a very different story. What's it gonna be ?'_

_'Fine, we’ll talk'_ he backed away and lowered his head humbly.

***

_‘What do you think about: "Further investigation confirmed that the killer blindfolded the victim with the red satin bow she used to tie her hair up postmortem. In light of recent events and recent interviews with Jane’s colleagues, could this be the killer’s attempt to show how blind the victim was to the pain and suffering she brought upon others ? Or Ghost Face’s opinion on how law and judgement are applied nowadays ? Or was it simply just something he found whimsical about blindfolding a Law student ?’’ '_

I turned my head from the huge painting hanging before me and looked at her typing on her laptop. She kept writing and deleting the same sentences over and over and scoffed frustrated.

_‘I think that’s good’_ I murmured and returned my look at the forest depicted in the painting.

 _‘So’_ she paused and I noticed her tone changed as she shifted in her chair to face me _‘Which one do you think it is ?’_

I bit my lip at her question, yet my eyes kept fixated on the small house in the middle of that forest. Something about that painting made me feel… calm and relaxed. That lonely cabin, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods. That solitude… I wish I could’ve been there.

_‘Which one do you think spoke to him ?’_ I turned around.

_‘Well, I know he is a very playful character, so I’m certain it seemed quite poetic to blindfold a Law student. That’s so him, don’t you think so ?’_

I smiled softly.

_‘On the other hand, I know he is a troubled mind, in desperate need of help, someone who has been disappointed one too many times. I’m sure he wanted her to see how blind she was to all the pain she has inflicted onto those around her, and in his hate, he did that without even thinking, unconsciously’_

My smile slowly faded.

_‘What about pointing out how the Law is applied ?’_ I asked.

_‘I don’t think he is bothered by that in any way as that very aspect works to his benefit. That’s just there to stir people, come forward with more details and try to create theories which might help me build up his actual profile. So, which one do you think was his reasoning ?’_

_‘The last statement you wrote’_

Riley let her head down and smiled, amused. She wore this smug smirk on her face that I hated. She knew more than she let out and that’s the reason she laughed at my answer. Because she knew the truth. She knew the main reason I did that was because I had been painfully tortured by those close to me and the hate I’ve been living with couldn’t stay in any longer, it started to leak and leave traces behind, just like an infected wound that stubbornly keeps opening up and oozes out its pungent puss. The crimes started to reveal bit by bit more about me. It wasn’t a good sign and it was time to move on.

_‘I think so too’_ she resumed with that same smirk _‘He likes to play and hide himself behind many things’_

_‘What do you mean ?’_ my eyebrows furrowed.

_‘I believe everything he does is a cry for help. The murders, the attitude, the crumbs he leaves at the crime scenes. He needs help and doesn’t know how to ask for it. He was never taught how to reach out to people, how to ask for help, how to let himself be vulnerable-’_

_‘Where do you get these ideas ?’_ I interrupted her and scoffed rather angered _‘Is this what you want him to be ? Would this make you sleep better at night ? Knowing this murderer is human after all and not some kind of a monster with no feelings ? Your entire world would crumble to your feet if Ghost Face was simply killing for fun, wouldn’t it ? You’d be terrified of him, while now, you are not, in fact you are pitying him’_

Riley’s face turned serious and gulped nervously.

_‘You might be right to some degree. I’d be scared to learn he is just a mindless monster, killing for no reason. That’s scary, yes. But no, I don’t pity him if what I said was to be true. That’s scarier than what you just said. Not being able to speak, to get out of your own mind, not being able to escape the thoughts and prison in your mind, forced to reduce your actions to crimes just so you can get that something you so desperately need but cannot understand what it is… that’s more terrifying. Wouldn’t you think so ?’_

My arms crossed on my chest and I couldn’t abstain from laughter so I let out a couple of chuckles.

_‘That’s very sweet and nice, what you just said, but I doubt it’s his case’_

_‘I’m not surprised you think that. You’re just like him’_ Riley ended with a low chuckle and turned around to continue writing her article.

Blood boiled in my face and I started nibbling at my lips in anger. That little… I had to stop it. I had to put an end to all of it… for both of us. Ghost Face will not be remembered the way she described him… not ever. I took out my phone and quickly wrote a message before hitting send. 

I turned my back at her again and I lost myself in the forest painting. My right hand searched the inner pocket of my trench coat and as my fingers grasped the glass vial, a wave of thoughts washed over my mind. You let someone close enough to you, you just need to change your weapon to a shorter knife. I cared so much for her. I really liked her.

_‘Would you please hand me a couple of glasses ? I think this occasion asks for a celebration’_ I tilted my head.

_‘Celebration ?’_ Riley looked at me happily _‘What for ?’_ she jumped up and rushed in her kitchen fetching two small clean glasses.

_‘You’re getting close to finding his identity’_ I pinched her chin and gave her a weak smile.

_‘You really believe so ?’_ she handed me the glasses and went back to her laptop.

_‘We both know that’s true’_

I walked at the small bar she had in the corner of the room, slightly to the right of the big painting I was admiring and opened the bottle of whiskey. The strong smell hit me hard. I poured the drinks and opened the small vial I had concealed in my coat’s pocket. I added several drops of Aconitine in one glass. It was enough to kill a person.

A postmortem inspection, especially after several hours, would give no details. Now, the funny and interesting thing about this substance is that it gives the victim a heart attack or it can suffer from asphyxiation. You can only imagine that in such a case, an incident like this would rule out foul play immediately, considering Riley was asthmatic, she could’ve had a really bad episode and die suffocated. 

Only thinking about this... I would never let her die a painful death, I would never mangle her body with a knife, _I would never hurt her._

I turned around with both glasses in my hands and looked at her back. She was talking to me, but I didn’t hear anything. I handed her a glass and she raised it slowly in air, towards me and with a wide smile she toasted:

_‘For a new beginning’_

_‘For a new beginning indeed’_ I echoed and saw her emptying her glass.

She contorted her face and gasped once heavily.

_‘God, I never get accustomed to that burning down my throat’_ she looked up at me and continued serious _‘What ? Why are you looking like that at me ?’_

I stared at her for a few seconds in complete silence until her face turned serious. I lowered my glass and placed it on the table as my eyes slightly bathed in tears. She caught a quick glimpse of my look and continued confused:

_‘Mr. Johnson ?’_

I caught her lower jaw and raised her head. Her cheeks filled with blood and grabbing my hand with both hands, she shared an intense gaze.

_‘I’m sorry’_ I mumbled.

_‘What for ?’_ she shook her head even more confused.

_‘You are so, so… close’_ I whispered as she sat up and drew closer to me.

_‘Close to what ?’_ Riley muttered near my lips I could smell her lip gloss again.

_‘To die’_ I barely said the words, trying to test her faith.

Her lips started to tremble and her eyes opened wide in angst. She climbed her hands from my chest on my face. I could feel her breathing intensifying. I saw her chest swelling in agitation. She kissed my lips softly and found the courage to challenge me:

_‘No, I won’t’_ she whispered in my ear _‘You’d never allow it’_

I gulped the knot in my throat. My fingers reached her cheek and removed a few wild fringes from her warm skin so I could see her better.

_‘You really believe that ?’_ I challenged myself to smile.

_‘Of course’_ she wrapped her arms around me, resting her forehead on the center of my chest looking somewhere behind me, at the newspaper I placed on the table when I came to her apartment.

She let out a gasp and grabbed the newspaper before dropping down on her chair.

_‘Oh my god’_

_‘What ?’_

She showed me the front page. 

_'Wasn't she your wife?'_ she shoved the article in my face.

_‘Oh, that...yes. That was my wife’_

She read the story excited. Her whole body trembled.

_‘You knew about this and didn't say anything ?’_

_‘I didn't want you to worry more than you already do’_

_‘Your wife-, ex-wife, was murdered. In your house. With you inside the house’_ she repeated key details from the article.

_‘Unfortunately, yes’_

_‘Is it...him?’_

_‘Well, it's either him or me’_ I tried to ease some of the building tension.

_‘It says you called the police. You reported the murder’_ she read a paragraph again and looked back at me in awe _‘Didn't you hear anything?’_

_‘No, it happened quick and quiet’_

_‘It's him’_ she mumbled to herself.

_‘And you thought he only targeted you. Have you ever thought I was all along his target and he just keeps eliminating everyone close to me?’_

_‘He had so many opportunities to end me, why didn't he ? Why wouldn't Ghost Face kill me ?’_

_‘Maybe he likes you’_

_‘This isn't funny’_

_‘Then stop asking funny questions’_

_‘What was your wife doing to your house anyway ? Weren't you separated for a while ?’_ I could smell the jealousy in her tone.

_‘She came to give me her condolences as my father passed away recently’_

_‘Oh my God, what is going on in your life? Why didn't you say anything?’_ she let out a heavy breath.

_‘As I said, I didn't want you to worry’_

_‘But I do worry. He is ending everyone near you’_

_‘Unless he has some sort of supernatural powers, he only claimed my ex-wife. My father died due to cirrhosis, a long due death if you ask me. He was a drunk fuck since I was a little boy. I felt nothing over his death’_

_‘Did you attend his-’_

_‘No, I'm glad he no longer poisons the air with his intoxicating breath’_

_‘What about your wife?’_

_‘I went to her tombstone after everyone left’_

_‘You never told me why you separated’_

_‘That’s because it’s not a pleasant topic for me. Long story short, she cheated. In her insatiable lust for money and social status, she found a man providing her all that and then she threw me away like garbage as soon as she realized I couldn’t give her what she craved for’_

_‘You sound bitter and hateful towards her’_

_‘I am’_

_‘And... you're not afraid to say it. Doesn't the police suspect you ?’_

_‘They don't. There's a killer on the loose. A killer I'm writing about, a killer who targeted me long before this started’_

_‘How convenient for you’_ she muttered with a forced smile.

_‘Indeed’_

_‘Do you think I'm next ?’_

_‘Why do you ask me this ?’_

_‘Who should I? You seem to understand him better than I do, at least that’s what you showed me just before when we discussed his psyche’_

_‘If he wanted you dead, I think he would've done it till now. But then again, I don't know exactly what runs through his head, do I?’_

_‘Are you sad or sorry ? Even a little ?’_

_‘For what?’_

_‘For Erin's death’_

_‘Sad ? Perhaps, a little, she might've been a cheating whore, but she didn't deserve to die for it. Sorry ? Why would I? I couldn't do anything to save her’_

Riley suddenly changed her look into a desperate one. That one look that I was looking for the whole night.

_‘I'm very scared’_

_‘I think you're entitled to-’_

_‘Do you know why I'm scared ?’_

_‘Yes’_

_‘No, you don't’_ she choked on her words.

_‘Then enlighten me’_

_‘Because you promised-'_ her breath cut short and started to cry _'You promised to protect me, you said he won't touch me, but you couldn't protect your former wife in your own house from him. How would you save me or keep me safe when-'_

_‘Sh, sh-’_ I grabbed her shoulders and welcomed her in my arms _'You're not her. You don't-'_

_‘What ?’_

_‘She meant nothing to me, I wasn't careful or even tried to be near her in any way, because… as harsh as this might sound, I didn’t care for her’_

_‘And me ?’_

I could feel her entire body shaking in my embrace.

_‘You-’_ I looked into her eyes and lost all my cockiness and words _'-mean too much for me to let my guard down around you'_

_'Mr. Johnson'_ she raised her head _'I need to know one thing for sure. Did you kill her ? Out of revenge ?'_

And there I was. For the first time in my life when I found myself willing to lie and forced to comply with this disgusting habit. Yet, in my most desperate moment, I still found a way to bend the truth and still not call it a lie. 

_'Out of revenge?'_

_'Or any other reason'_

_'It wasn't me the one who killed Erin, miss Riley'_

_'Then who was it ?'_

_'Ghost Face'_

_'And who is Ghost Face?'_ she leaned her head onto my chest and listened to my heart beats.

_'You tell me'_ my voice hummed above her head.

_'Honestly... I think there's a Ghost Face in all of us'_

_'And by us, you mean ME’_ I tried to correct her statement.

_'I mean... US, me...and...you'_

_'There's no Ghost Face in you, little one'_ I brushed my hand over her face _'You are the embodiment of kindness and empathy'_

_'And you?'_

I exhaled, tired of her whole act. I’d let her do her entire bit, but it drained me out of energy. The whole act has been dragged for too long already.

_'How much of this interrogation?'_

_'Not much'_

_'Am I still your suspect ?'_

_'What ?'_

_'I read your notepad long ago'_

_'Would you not suspect someone like yourself with all these facts unraveling under your nose ?'_

_'Miss Riley, I would've put the murderer behind bars by now with all these facts before my eyes’_ I smiled arrogantly and resumed _‘But you ? You're too kind and empathetic to end it'_

_'Are you admitting it's you ?'_

_'I'm just pointing out how kind you are and how much you care for me'_

' _What exactly are you talking about ? That I'm too kind to out you because I love you or too kind to out and drag through hell an innocent man without a solid proof ?'_

I shrugged my shoulders wearing that same defiant smile.

_'You've always been a master of words. All your sentences bore multiple meanings'_

_'And you always loved to live in uncertainty, fear and the unknown. That's what makes it exciting to you, that's what excuses your behaviors, that's what absolves you of any guilt, doesn't it ?'_

_'What are you saying?'_

_'Even though you hinted it's me, even though you have all these clues at the end of your grasp, you refuse to see or accept the truth, because otherwise... all your actions towards me would be wrong, judged, despicable. How would you wake up in the morning and look at your reflection when you'd know you loved a murderer. That you fucked him, you willingly gave yourself to him, forfeited your purity to such a despicable, vile person. How could you live with yourself like that or even face my victims' families again ?_ ’ I gently caressed her left cheek and continued _‘Instead, you close your eyes, blindfold yourself and pretend nothing happens until you do what you want to do. At the time we fucked, we kissed, we hugged, I was just your fellow writer, your Mr. Johnson. If tomorrow I'm caught and sentenced to prison for all of Ghost Face's murders, you'd be free of guilt for feeling the things you felt for me or did with me, because at that time... you didn't know, right ? Except... you did know. You do know… all of it’_ I whispered the last words in her ear leaving her body shaking like a leaf.

Her eyes shifted on the table and watched the two glasses of whiskey. Mine was still full, hers was empty. She blinked frantically and pushed away from my embrace.

_‘Oh god, you- you poisoned the drink’_

_‘I did’ I nodded._

_‘N-no, no, fuck-’_ she ran at her phone and called the detective.

Riley managed to yell the word _‘help’_ in the microphone before I caught her hand and twisted it behind her back. I asked her to end the call and she obeyed without further protests. She let go of the phone and allowed me to cradle her body in that nook she always enjoyed between my arms.

_‘How does my last murder speak to you now ?’_ I inhaled her scent _‘You believe whatever you want, we both know you enjoy lying to yourself, but that was a direct message to you, my dear, little Riley. My love-blinded, sweet girl’_ I kissed her neck and she forced herself to despise my affection by jerking her shoulder.

Through her sniffles and a strangled voice, she managed to respond..

_'You are right... about everything you just said'_ she wept in my arms _'I knew it all along, I suspected for awhile, I... wasn't sure, I should've trust my guts and tell the detective instead of doing his job and pretend I'm one'_

_'Tsk, now, now, don't do this to yourself’_ I wiped her eyes and cheeks _‘Don’t blame yourself for it. The things people do for love are mind-numbingly stupid. It’s only natural to still hope and refuse to believe the reality in front of you'_

_'I allowed people to die so I could find solid evidence'_ Riley whimpered.

_'And did you?'_

_'No'_

_‘Do you know why not ?’_

She shook her head in denial.

_‘Because no amount of proof would make you believe it, you were chasing ghosts my dear. No pun intended’_ I laughed _‘I would’ve exhausted the whole world and you still wouldn’t believe it, because the issue resides somewhere else. Not in logic, not in clues, it resides here-’_ I tapped her skull and I heard her losing her breath.

She fought to regain her air trying to breathe in and out deeply.

_'Do you believe it now ? Can you say it out loud ?'_

_'Y-yes, i-it’s… you. You are... Ghost... Face'_ she grabbed my forearm and cried harder as if the moment she heard it coming out of her mouth it became real.

_'Accepting it marks the first step, Miss Riley. How do you feel now?'_

_'Disgusted, guilty, dirty...an accomplice to your last three, maybe four murders'_

_‘Oh, cue the violins’_ I let out a short chortle _‘You'll learn to forgive yourself'_

_'Did you ? Forgive yourself for what you did to Erin ?'_

I looked at the wedding ring on my finger.

_'No, not yet'_

_'It will haunt you for your whole life. You cannot escape the ghosts of your past'_

_'Neither will you, because you knew... and you allowed this to happen, yet you rather spread your legs for me'_

_'How dare you ?'_ she jerked in my arms unsuccessfully trying to escape me.

_'Hey, God forbids me from making any moral judgement here. I really don't blame you, or judge you'_

_'Of course you don’t. You exploited this as much as possible’_ she choked again and again and resumed in a breaking voice _‘I just... hoped till the end I was wrong, I just hoped... you'd be just my friend, just my mentor, just Danny Johnson'_

_'Oh, my Riley’_ I let my head rest against hers and I could hear her silent, suppressed crying intensifying _‘I know, I know you did. And it's all because of love and trust, because you are a kind person and still believe in goodness in people. Such innocence... it's adorable and fascinating to me. Perhaps that's the reason I care for you so much. You are a very smart woman, miss Riley, but your emotions will be the death of you'_

The second we heard the police alarms blaring, rapidly growing in intensity, I noticed her body suddenly relaxing in my arms as she exhaled relieved.

_'If you’d really believe I was smart, you wouldn't have said those words. You see, Mr. Johnson, I spoke with the detective some time ago about my safety and we agreed that should I ever come face to face with Ghost Face, to simply call him and say help and nothing else, because he will come guns blazing if needed'_

I hugged her tighter and kissed her right cheek, pride overflowing each and every pore of my sweaty face. With a sneering smirk I muttered close to her face:

_‘Offer one hand, but arm the other. I’m so proud of you, little one. I’ve always thought of this moment. Fantasized about how it would happen, when, and who would do it. If there had to be someone, it had to be you, I knew it. But… Riley. I have a confession to make-’_ I stopped as I heard the police at the door yelling at us _‘This is not that moment, not yet. However, never forget what I told you, because I meant every word. I would never hurt you, I will always protect you, I am… truly sorry for everything and…’_ as if the whole moment unfolded in slow motion, I heard the door bashed open, the officers and the detective advancing in the apartment shouting at us before I give her my last words _‘I love you’_

Riley paralyzed and seemed to have forgotten to breathe. She noticed me releasing her and backing away, but she couldn’t look behind. My words were meant to daze her, to have that exact effect on her and I was glad they did, because they were no lies, they were meant to mean exactly that much. And I mean all of my words. They all were true and genuine.

_‘Miss Riley, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you-’_

I saw the police officers grabbing her wrists and cuffing them behind her back as she still sat stunned and in shock. When they turned her around and finally faced me, the detective and the other police officers, she seemed absent. Her apparent focus on my figure only revealed a blank stare. An empty, forlorn look. 

_‘Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?’_ one officer asked her and she shook her head mechanically _‘Let’s go!’_ the man pushed her forward although she was reluctant to leave her apartment, reluctant to leave me there, probably refusing to believe it was her to be escorted by the police and not me, completely stunned by that senseless experience.

I know this was a lot for you to take in, to process and understand, but everything had a purpose, a meaning.

First and foremost, I never hurt Riley. I said it then and I’ll say it forever, I would never kill or hurt her, because I loved her. She meant so much for me, she made me feel things I never thought I’d be capable of after all my past failures. She made me trust another person and not regret it. Her loyalty to me proved to be as sincere and pure as to fall under the most questionable practices. Because she knew about my identity, because she tried to acquire that undeniable proof she couldn’t grasp it, she turned herself into an accessory to my latest crimes, and that was something I could not live with. 

Only at the brink of her own presumed death, she managed to escape the cruel clutches of her emotions and finally turn me in and I would never hate her for that. But I knew that night was the end of me, I knew it by the time I went to her apartment. So I went there with a plan. A plan I schemed for while, because I was aware soon things were going to point in my direction, especially with her poking around in the right spots. She knew too much, she started writing too much, and although she might’ve never had the guts to expose me, the detective and other people would catch up on it and fill in the gaps. 

Secondly, the police responded to my message, the one I sent minutes ago, not Riley's call, as I laid all preliminary steps with the detective prior to this meeting. Of course he didn't know a lot about it, in fact he didn't know more than the fact I just suspected her due to her obsession. The rest simply snowballed when they got the search warrant for her apartment.

Now, I know how this looks to you. Probably how it looked to her too, but my intention was far from framing her. I wanted to offer her that final release when I told her the truth about me so she could finally accept it, but I also wanted to make sure she would not take any fall for it, all this while protecting my ass as well.

So, while I was free to flee Roseville, the police were occupied to search Riley’s apartment, where they would find her notepads where she kept tabs on me and my whole life, including my marriage with Erin. 

They would also find the newspaper where the murder of my ex wife was on the front page. On top of all that, on the table sat two glasses. One empty, containing traces of her saliva on it and both our fingerprints, while the other one, the poisoned one was only bearing our fingerprints. The police believed that was meant for me, as the other one clearly was hers, and they would quickly jump to high conclusions. She was obsessed with me being Ghost Face. She wanted me to be the serial killer and she had a beautiful story to tell through all her articles and notes.

They tried to prove how all her reactions at the crime scenes were pretended and well rehearsed acts. Pretending to be sick near dead bodies, feeling queasiness talking about death, acting all empathetic and receptive to the victims’ families pain and so on. They tried to prove she was so obsessed with me, she felt the need to kill my ex-wife, the woman she envied so much since she met her back at the gazette where me and Riley worked together. Everyone they interviewed and were brought for interrogation kept me in high regard and mentioned what a good man I was, how I tried to keep up with my work on this case despite my divorce, the fact my father had died and my ex wife had been murdered in my own house. My status in that town weighed a lot for my case, everyone loved and respected me for the work I’ve done. For my previous work with the police on other criminal cases where I helped them solve them. I worked hard to gain that prestigious status and the trust of the townsfolk and it finally proved fruitful. In addition to that, they talked about Riley with skepticism, frequently mentioning her infatuation with me since the time she worked as an intern under me. People didn’t really portray her in nice colors and that worked perfectly to my benefit, as I had more credibility as a victim in this whole ordeal.

They left no details out, no stones unturned. They milked the whole story as much as it was possible, exhausting every plausible explanation for her behavior.

All these formalities and processes took months to clarify, but she would be eventually released due to lack of evidence of course, just as I plan it. My only hope is that she didn’t suffer too much over the course of the investigation and that she understood this whole thing was the best outcome for her as well. It was a plan to protect me and her. 

I couldn’t visit her or contact her, although I wanted to, badly. I just wanted to tell her one last time I was sorry and to remember I never intended to hurt her. I just wanted to see her smile, touch her soft skin, smell and taste her chocolatey lips… I just wish I could meet her again, but my life went on in other states until the Entity claimed me in its twisted realm. 

Perhaps one day… if I’ll escape this damned place, I will find the courage to look for my Riley. I really hope she doesn’t hate me. Damn… look at me… all sentimental.


End file.
